Memoirs of a Coffeeboy...

Online Shopping...

2010-04-18T17:18:00.004+08:00

LAZY SHOPPING....

Whoever came up with online shopping as a business seems to be having great returns...

The sprouting of online shopping blogshops has taken over the world!!

I tell you....I should probably be doing something online as well.... Then I'd probably be able to just sit at home and do nothing and collect money....rather than collecting money in the coffeeshop..

www.lazyladycouture.blogspot.com

Have a look at this website....they have got a whole lot of stuff like bags, tops and one piece dresses.....BUT NOTHING FOR MEN!!!..... whatever happened to sexual equality???!!

Only make the men pay for all the stuff.....KNNCCB!

Men cannot buy stuff online meh?!

Its interesting how simple it is to actually set up a blogshop..

Hmm...wonder if its that simple to set up a blog-coffeeshop!!...

Maybe one fine day......I'd be able to come up with a working business model to cater to the lazy drinkers at home!!... Maybe deliver some food and drinks to the homes itself...

BUT.... how to POSLAJU a fucking coffee!?

hhahaha.....niama..

Another thought.....How about a www.toolazytowork.blogspot.com??

Click on the link and see!?...hahahha

New blog....New topics....Fully Emotional....Maybe Even Funny...

2009-12-24T01:43:00.002+08:00

New Blog...Fully Emo...Maybe Funny...

Its been ages...eh?

Some people have been really supportive of me setting up a totally new blog..
But there are some who are asking if I would reconsider continuing this blog...... I really don't know. I have lots to say...but not everything can and should be read by the general public. Some are rated PG....and some are even rated XXX...hahahha

I'd rather hear from people who are still visiting this blog...
Maybe you guys can drop me a line to see if you'd like me to continue on this address or open a totally new one. So just drop a comment and I'll see it...

I'd like to see if anyone still visits this site after 2-3 months of silence...:)

I'll be checking this blogsite in a few days to see if there are any comments...:)

Thanks peeps..!

Time to say goodbye..

2009-10-03T11:20:00.002+08:00

"This blog will cease to exist...."

Because I'm pretty damn tired.
Hahahha.... It has been fun.....
Thanks to all the goss!!

ANYWAY.... BAR OPENING TOMORROW so I probably won't have time to blog anymore..
So....

Thank you to all the loyal readers...
It was encouraging getting your comments and cheers..
Maybe next time..... I will start a new blog!!

Until then...
Good luck....and get drunk!!!

Mercy Posting for Mr. Ezan Ramen

2009-08-19T10:00:00.003+08:00

"... Think he's suffered enough.."

Hahha... after about a month of having the 'DEAD' picture of him there, I also think its about time we let EZan RAmen off the hook by uploading a new posting.. Although there has not been anything interesting that happened at the shop... but I figured maybe just a little posting to let people know what the hell has been happening to the magnificent coffeeboy!!

Well, over the past month or so the challenges of running a restaurant are becoming more and more real to me. From the heat....to stall management....bickering between stall owners..to MIA Hokkien Mee vendors....to Health Inspectors... to shortage of sugar issues... to very sick morning cashier....to my car having to be in the workshop for almost a week!!

Heres what went down.. After cracking the problem for almost 6 months, I think the efforts have paid off a little (however not enough...). The heat level as decreased but not to my expectations. Am thinking of investing in some super duper canggih system which extracts the heat out of the shop.. (and maybe send the heat directly into the competitors shop!!...hahaha)

Have been hunting also for some new stalls to replace the ones that couldn't make it. Got in a new stall called "Weng Foong Homemade Noodles"... looks a little like 'Pan Mee' but I think it tastes better than that.. Here's a bad picture of it... Taste better than it looks!!..hahha..

Another thing that I will never understand if the phenomenon of "If one stall serves fish balls...the other stalls cannot serve fish balls as well..." I mean...WTFF!!! No ones ever heard of 'competition brings out the best'?? If your shit is good...means your shit is good la!...KNNCCB!
Sigh...but in all tradition of a Chinese coffeeshop....we refrain from having clashes la. So....the standing rule is.... "You can serve fish balls if your preparation is different".... (so go use your head on how to make your BALLS different"

Anyway, as some of you may have noticed... I've been closed every night after 11.30pm. This is due to the fact that my anchor stall at night has been MIA. I really can't believe that someone can be this irresponsible as to disappear without letting people know WTF has happened. Just left...like that...leaving all his stuff here. Sickening. Like a little child who doesn't know what is proper and improper behaviour.. KNNCCB!!
Solution : Find a new anchor stall for the midnight business! Maybe a real 'Tai Chow'...with dishes and rice and etc...

Then the health inspectors came one Saturday. They even called me to make an appointment!!... So much for spot checks eh?.. But as I always intend my shop to be an 'A' grade coffeeshop...I was ready for them..
So I said to her on the phone... "Boleh datang Check....takde hal... hari hari pun bersih!!" hahaha.....
So she came with her team...and did her rounds...and said "Wah...bersih juga ah!"
Wah so happy...!!! But then....my happiness was shortlived when she asked... "Semua orang dah dapat suntikan TY2??"... I didn't have an answer for her... (fuck!!..) TY2 is a type of vaccine that protects the food handlers from Typhoid and thus protecting the customers also. My staff has the injection...but some of the stall owners didn't... So I was given a warning letter and 7 days to make sure everyone has had the jab..
So I'm proud to say... Restoran Two Billion is now 'Typhoid Protected'!!!

Nobody drinks until like that wan la....

2009-06-20T06:04:00.005+08:00

"....EZan RAmen......RIP"

I can just imagine what the fuck will go on in EZan RAmen's head when he reads this posting later today!!!... Let me give you a preview!!

Before Reading the Posting (just about when he is still blur like a sotong after just waking up..)

..."errr...what happened last night ah??"
..."Eh!!...how come I'm naked??"
..."Where am I??....How did I get here..."
..."Hmm...oh well...I think I'll just read the most super duper kick ass happening blog in the world for a while la..."

(cibais...if you don't know which blog that is....go and freaking staple your head to your balls and roll down the staircase of Batu Caves!!)

Now....imagine some one slapping his forehead....and regreting every moment of last night!!!
That would be Mr. EZan RAmen!!... you know why?!!!!

THIS IS WHY!!!!!!
Kekeke....want a closer look?!?!....HERE YOU GO!!
Hahahhaa......He's probably wondering how the hell did the Coffeeboy get the pictures so soon!!!?? Probably wondering....what other pictures does the magnificent Coffeeboy have?!!!
Would the Coffeeboy blackmail his ass!!!...

Well...more photos to come...as I am waiting for the accomplices to supply me with more pictures about how the picture above happened!!!....

Hahaha....you saw it first here!!!
Coffeeboy is powerful!!!....hhahhahaha...

EZan RAmen....i'm sorry...but last night...there were alot of cameras...and I'm not the only one with these pictures!!!...hhahaha...

I'm baaaccckk!!!

2009-06-20T05:33:00.008+08:00

"Whats been happening?...you may ask.."

Well so sorry for the long blog-liday (its a new word...so just accept it assholes!!...its a mixture of blog and holiday!!...geddit geddit?) I know its been ages since anything has been posted on this super duper cool ass fuckin' blog site!! Anyway....One more time!!..

"I'm Sorry"

Anyway....we've been rather busy at the shop these days. Doing what you may ask?!...Hahaha... We've been trying to get our mini bikes to work properly...as the bikes are constantly having technical difficulties and our unskilled technicians (e.g. Phie Lote, Hokkien Lau) tried fixing the bikes and therefore....MAKING IT WORSE!!...

If you guys don't know what bikes they are....they are the mini scooters.
Have a look at the darn size compared to a real actual sizes helmet!!..
But they are really nice bikes to play with I must say.. Anyone wanna get one...retailing for RM1000....interested parties should contact the Coffeeboy!!!...
Anyway....so for now...no more MiniGP races in front of the shop anymore!!
But we have had our own entertainment for the past few days!.. Some drunkards came over to the shop and had some drinks...in fact...had quite a lot to drink!..
Look at what kind of conversations took place....soon or not so soon after...
Watch the video!!

The guy who was talking and instigating the whole 'sex filled' conversations...and the others, all drunk as hell......where just trying to find out if the old fart had ever 'ejaculated' in a girls ass!!
Well....this fella is rather old la...but a whole lot of fun la... He was just telling a bunch of young guys some of his exploits!!... THIS GUY OWES ME RM37.50 FOR THE BEER!!!

Aubrey....please forgive the guy in the video for his repetitive obsession with 'cuming in the ass'...
Apparently he wasn't scared at that time...but...once he found out that the 'Coffeeboy' had been secretly recording the video....face changed immediately..Hahaha...
I bet you he sobered up!!....Please forgive him...it was the alcohol!!...i think...(haha...Penyu is a pervert!!)

Hahaha....sight to see!
Of course the night was followed by some vomiting (a somewhat Loreal model).....some fella breaking a glass....(stupid ass scum).....and some major laughing!!...

Everybody happy....everybody drunk....and no one paid the RM37.50!!...KNNCCB!!!

Mat Rempit Aman Suria!!!

2009-06-07T10:29:00.003+08:00

"...Snatch Thief!!...Help me!!"

The psychotic nights are back again in Aman Suria. Last night we tried to re-enact certain scenes from what we know of the 'Mat Rempits'. As we know not all of them are that bad...( yeah right...death to all!!) But this Mat Rempit...some of you may know personally.
Have a look!!

We had some racing...Some MotoGP look-a-like cornerings....and even one with sparks coming out of the bike while taking a corner!!! It was one of the funniest things I've seen so far this week.

It all started when the stupid Phie Lote brought the bike to the shop...and since at nights I've become the 'King of Mou-lieu-ness'....my contagious 'mou-lieu' sickness has spread to every one who came last night...as you will see in the next few videos...Everyone was cheering and laughing their asses off!!!

Well...we thought it'll be kinda funny to also re-enact a possible snatch thief situation!!
But we had a lack of pretty young helpless women at that time and the best candidate we could find was a guy weighing around 200lbs. (Thats pounds for all you idiots out there...)

No wonder the first time round the 'snatch thief didn't grab the bag!...He was too shocked when he saw the transvestite wannabe walking the streets!!
The funniest thing is that the 'model' victim which we chose had a fuckin' stupid ass catwalk which I also cannot tahan without laughing... Super bitchy walk!! (If some of you girls walk like that on the streets....your bag deserves to be snatched!!....I'd even get down and beat the crap outta you if you look like the 'model' victim!!)

Well...apparently tonight we are going to have a race with 2 of these bikes at a time yet to be specified. Tickets can be purchased at the restaurant for a bleeding cheap price of RM0.50.
As long as you buy a drink...you are entitled to come laugh at these idiots who will perform stunts. I heard they may even use bowls as obstacle courses as well..

It should be a sight to seee!!
IDIOTS!!!..

Damages..

2009-06-05T18:26:00.004+08:00

"...cost about 2k to fix everything.."

I'm baaccckkkk!!!... Those mother fuckers think that what happened can keep the coffeeshop down??...FUCK YOU!.. Hahaha.... Up and running the very same day!!
Suck mine assholes!!

Anyway...enough of the venting.
Pass few days was kinda relieving for me as I had many activities after hours. Going for supper in Jalan Alor, having drinks, and maybe this weekend heading to the Karaoke to sing my heart out!
Possibly even serenade a few people...haha..

Phie Lote has been irritating me with his late night phone calls and asking the same old things...

Phie Lote : ..where are you?... (magehamster...never even say hello..)

Coffeeboy: Shop la.. why?

Phie Lote: With who?.. (as if its any of your business...)

Coffeeboy: Got la...niama.. What you want..?

Phie Lote: Kay kay...See maybe later I come.

Coffeeboy: OK OK...

EVERYNIGHT THE SAME CONVERSATION!!.... Maybe I should just record and play back every time he calls...hahhaha.. At least around 2 days ago...the fella gave me a good joke.
He made fun of a certain individual...saying that that person is 'GRAPE-ING'.
I was wondering what the fuck he meant by grape-ing. Then the stupid fella said "MengANGGUR"... (which means 'jobless' in Bahasa Malaysia) If you were to directly translate it...it would mean "Grape-ing" because 'meng..' in Bahasa Malaysia means 'in the act of'....and 'anggur' means grapes!...hahha...

So a being unemployed means 'grape-ing'...
And similar to all dictionaries where words are introduced... We will also throw in a few alternative uses for the word.

Penganggur = Grape-rs (meaning people without jobs)

So learn this new word boys and girls. Make it part of your daily lives because this word is here to stay. (Courtesy of Phie Lote's superb Bahasa Malaysia vocabulary)

Well as many of you know, I have lost my phone. (Very sad...although the phone was already in ICU state) But you guys must forgive me if you ever call me and I ask "Who is this..."
Cause I really lost all details of everyone's number. (even my mom...hahha...sorry Mom)

So if you guys wanna keep in touch...sms me your number again...
If not....you can go and f*** yourselves!..hahhaha..

I'm a bitter coffeeboy!

Sorry...No Post for these few days..

2009-06-01T04:20:00.002+08:00

"...Because I am in the midst of killing!!"

Be patient...the posts will come back.
Just that the past few days have been a little hectic for me.
Some of you may have heard about what happened...
I appreciate all the support and concern.

I'll be ok. I'll bounce back...10 times harder!!

Sorry...but this is too good not to post!!

2009-05-28T11:55:00.001+08:00

"Tarts my Barreh!?!.."

Hahahhaa.....I'm so sorry...
I love Korea....but this is really too much!!!

Another thing we did in Gentings...

2009-05-28T11:21:00.003+08:00

"...Revenge is sweet innit?"

Remember the 'pau stealer'??
See what happened to him....muahhaha!
PAY BACK TIME BITCH!!!

Hilarious Song!!...ahahha...

2009-05-26T14:23:00.002+08:00

"...Send Ah Kong...!!"

Haha....guys..have a listen at this song!
To all the Singaporeans...You mutherfuckers!!

In Cantonese.."Fingers open out but never open in..."

I needed to get away...

2009-05-24T09:20:00.007+08:00

"...Grown Men...On a Merry Go Round!!"

One fine night, a few of us decided to go up to Genting Highlands for a short getaway and I really honestly felt that I needed a good break from the hustle and bustle of the shop. I do apologise for the lack of updates but...I have good reasons for it... (I won't tell....but those who know me would totally understand.)

Just imagine...a few buffaloes (metaphoric for 'big sized' men...ok?...idiots!) sitting in a single booth on a merry go round!!!...wouldn't that be a sight to see?!...hahha.. (wait...i'll upload the pictures as soon as I get them from my friend.. and you'll see what I mean...) I felt it was actually an OK day out there... It got me to relax my very troubled head and to forget my stresses for a short time...
It was worth it..

When we first entered into the theme park..(actually before that already I was a bit emotional)...I had a nostalgic feeling about that place. Well to use simple words to explain...I had recently had very happy moments there... it just suddenly hit me. (I almost teared...but because I'm so macho...ahem ahem...I didn't la..) So I tried to brush the sadness away and just played the first ride with the bunch... (sigh...although that ride was also the first thing which reminded me of the past...haha...sorry...abit emotional now....sniff sniff).. Imagine the 'buffaloes' trying to fit into the small seat!!...hahhaa...and I swear we were the loudest in the theme park that day!..
(Again...I'll upload the pictures another time...when??....Once I get them la...stupid!)
Then next we passed the Ferris Wheel and they wanted to go...but I didn't want to..(because I didn't want to spoil the memory of the happiest ride in a Ferris Wheel I previously had)...
So for some reason they didn't in the end...(thank goodness). But I stood there...looking at the Ferris Wheel....reminiscing the times I had before...hhaha...(Sorry...still abit emo...)

After that...I really had to brush the emo-ness away.. So we hit the 'Space Shot' ride...
Hahhaa....boy did we have fun!!.. (you'll see in the video about how freaking loud we were...)
It was the longest wait for us....but we were cam-whoring all the way with our friend's birthday present...!! Some 'Canon' camera with auto focus and shit!!...hahha...Some 'Smart' camera la...
Laughing and doing silly poses.!! (Again...picture to come later..)
Pre Space Shot....!! The fella on the right cannot count...cause they said just show Two Fingers again...

Check the video out instead first!!...

"Banyak Takut....Very Scared!!..."
Honestly, it wasn't scary going up or coming down... The scariest thing for me was the 'not knowing when the thing would drop...and being hung in the air' feeling...thats why you can hear me say.. "HAI LAT JOR!!.....and FUCK THIS SHIT!"
I honestly wasn't scared OK!!!

Anyway, shortly after that ride...the guys wanted to win something for their girl friends...so they started playing the shooting game (where people shoot stuff??...and win prizes?!...you guys dunno means...you need to get out more often ok?!)....and the 'throwing the ring on the bottles' game...(..again...where people throw rings around the bottle necks to win prizes?!..if this one you don't know...GO AND DIE!!)

They started changing tokens at RM2 per token....and it cost 3 tokens to play the game.!!!
HOW FREAKING IRONIC!!!... The one without a girlfriend in his life would be the one who actually won something first!!.....at the first try!?!.. (eh...if you don't know who this person is....faster go and die!) ME- lah!! idiots!

"STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M GETTING A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!"

Hahhaa....so I started my standard 'Trash-Talking' to the rest of the guys...and BOY DID IT WORK!!... They ended up spending tonnes of money just trying to 'win' something for their girlfriends...(awww...so sweet...choke choke..) If you remember Mr. Alloy and Ms. C??
Hahaha....Mr. Alloy has grown some marbles!!!!... He spent around RM150 bucks!!....until he finally won something for her.... He even had the balls to give it to her...in front of all of us!!!...hahhaa... Congratulations Mr. Alloy!!...at least he made the first step!!
Mr. Alloy...and someone elses prize...(before he won his la...)

Then remember the 'multi-tasker'???... He was the last one to win something!!... And I even said to his girlfriend.. (lets call her Esther....seriously it is her real name).. I said.. "Eh...your boyfriend lousy la....never win anything for you!!!"... WHOA!!!... you should have seen him...instantly walking to the token counter to change money!!... (of course not before saying to me.. "MahChaoHai-er!!").... But...eventually he won la... I'll show you pictures once I get it ok..
Finally la...as consolation for being the last...we let him hold all the prizes la... So that he can feel like he is useful...:)

All in all....it was a good time!!...
Spent the entire day in Genting and Gohtong Jaya...

Bad Luck continued though for me.... The rest of them took the cable car up to Genting...and I didn't want to...because I didn't want to have another 'cable car' ride ever in my life!! (not because I was scared...but I had the best 'cable car' ride ever before...and didn't want to spoil that memory)... So the group went down via cable car first... and I went to have a look at the indoor games alone... and spent a few hours on my own..

When I was walking to the car (hours later...)... I realise that my car keys were in Ms. C's handbag...and she was in Gohtong Jaya already!!!... KNNCCB!!!.... What luck right?!!
I had to grab a taxi down....get my keys...and come back up...and drive back down again to meet them...hahhaa!! 'Suey Tou Hai!!'
They made me take this shot!!... Why must show 2 fingers?...Why cannot show 'ONE'?!?!..haha

But what can I say....I had a great time...!!
Away from the shop....away from the stress....and away from the freaking heat in KL!!
Good times are priceless....
...but....4 huge fellas trying to cramp into a booth on the merry go round...Even more priceless!!!
Hahaha...

Until next interesting thing happens!!...

Bad Luck still going on...

2009-05-21T09:51:00.004+08:00

"...Astro got cut!!...KNNCCB!!"

KNNCCB!!...
First the Astro got cut....because I was using a residential account for a commercial lot...
Early morning at 8.45am....nicely the customers was watching the XHE channel....some Chinese series was on....and then...

"The Astro Channel you selected is not included in your subscription. Please contact Astro Customer Service for further details"

So I did.....and I found out it was a enforcement action on commercial outlets which utilise residential accounts for commercial use.. I then asked how much was it to subscribe to Commercial accounts and was told that it depended on the kind of channels selected.

Wah Lai Toi = RM50 per month..
Xing He = RM 45 per month..
Astro Supersports = RM200 per month..
ESPN = RM 250 per month..
Star Sports = RM 200 per month.
Star World = RM 50 per month..

WTF!!! No wonder people are using residential accounts la.
Pay only RM129 for a whole lot of channels... haha..
But I think I'll revert to using the commercial account la....(because I am a LAW ABIDING CITIZEN....shut up you guys!!)

Anyway....I'm in the midst of generating a commercial account....So in the meantime, No Astro at my shop... I will be getting 3 channels only...which is the Xing He, Wah Lai Toi and ESPN only.
Other than that....I think the Free-to-Air channels are still given together FOC.. (I hope...)

Nevermind... Not only the Astro got cut!!
The municipal council fellas came and confiscated 2 Tables and 5 chairs for illegally placing them in the parking lot!!!... Magehamster!!
Talk about bad luck continuing!!

Sigh...I'm going to call the fuckers in the MBPJ tomorrow to ask them about the 'special arrangement' we were supposed to work out...
No more of this shit is going to happen to this shop!!!

Because I am a law abiding citizen, I'm going to arrange that a DVD player be installed at my shop so that I can project some shows instead of Astro... Maybe then I can save some money.
After all....I do own a DVD shop..hhaha.. (yeah yeah..i know...not very law abiding right?...sigh..)

Well, these changes will take place in a short while.
Keep your freaking pants on!

Random 'Mou Lieu-ness'....hahha

2009-05-20T12:42:00.005+08:00

"..I think I'm going crazy..."

Hahaha.... Something I did to piss off my housemate!...hahha..
Her stupid soft toy...!!....hahha...

Coffeeboy...is the KING of MOU LIEU-NESS!!

What a Freaking Bad Day...sigh..

2009-05-20T10:45:00.008+08:00

"...I can't believe it...seriously..."

I can't begin to tell you how much my day sucked today...it was really quite shitty... There is no way someone could have a shittier day than me today. (Exclude the extreme cases of people in war torn countries or people with 'swine' flu la...) After hearing about my day, you'd be thankful about your day.... trust me.

As most of you know...my day normally starts at night...so I'll start bitching from the approximate time of 4pm ok??... (sigh...how bad can it be right?....just wait and see la..)
All times stated are only for indication only...and not exact ok!?

4.00pm - Had some weird tasting 100 plus from my house only to find out it was expired (...only after finishing it then only I realised..) Eventually caused my stomach to reject the drink and it literally came out my ass.. (Sorry...very dramatic)

6.00pm - Already weak from hours in the toilet... tried to take a bath. Once finished bathing...realised that the towel was outside. Even had a strategy in mind... 'Tip-toe out quickly grab the towel and come back into the toilet as fast as I can so that I would not drip all over the room floor'... (sounds like a brilliant plan...so clever right??...KNNCCB) Who would have thought water and tiles would be slippery!!!!... SLAMM!!!!! I swear I was airborne for about 1.5 seconds before slamming on the floor..Magehamster-ah!!

6.45pm - Packed the laptop into the bag so that I could bring it with me to the shop... Went to the front door, realised that I forgot my phone. Put the laptop bag on the floor by the front door, went back to the bedroom and got my phone and left the house. ... yup..you guessed it... I left the house without the laptop... (only realised it once I reached the shop..KNNCCB)

6.50pm - Went to buy cigs at the shop near the pool. Opened the new pack and transfered the cigs into the special 'Dunhill' Lights metal casing... Took 1 cig...and put it in my mouth... and pressed the button for the lift to the carpark. Again..like a hero try to multi-task...try to unzip my pouch with one hand and put the metal cig casing in with the same hand.... WOOPS...missed and it unbelievably fell straight into the hole into the elevator shaft...!!! (...where got so 'chun' wan....so accurate meh!??!)
The metal casing was new!!!....together with a new pack!!!....KNNCCB!!!

7.00pm - Reached my car after spending some time trying to 'save' the metal casing but the elevator shaft was too deep. (...so of course I failed la...) Tried to start my car.... alarm malfunction...so started blaring and I just couldn't start the car...stupid immobilizer..!! (..but in times of theft...i would be thankful for it la...) So I spent the next 10 mins trying to disarm the alarm...but miraculously after a while, the alarm started functioning again..

7.05pm - As it was dark, switched on the headlights... One side not working!!...ARRGH!!!

7.25pm - Reached the shop, couldn't find parking and rounded for 4 rounds and when I finally found a parking... I scraped the bumper on the pavement...(Shit!)

9.00pm - Decided to play a little wager on soccer...so I bet on 10 games. (play small small only...)... but just my luck, i lost all 10 of them... (Where got people so 'suay' one!?!?!!!) Freaking bookie laughing to the bank...although not much la.

By now....I've started believing that the day was really bad for me...so I eventually just started being very careful...just in case with this kinda luck...I might slip and fall onto something sharp and with my luck it might just pierce my ass!!... So the rest of the night was ok.

The next morning.....when the morning shift came... "Boss....gula habis!!!"
TNMCCB!! at 6am...where the hell to find sugar right?!!?!.... So i got into the car and went looking....

6.15am - Drive to 'TaiKong'....stopped at a faulty traffic light for about 10 secs. SLAM!!!... Motorbike hit my car from behind!!!...Magehamster ah!! Old man say he didn't see....luckily nothing wrong with the car.

6.20am - Found a shop which sells sugar... but only 1kg packs.. (eh...i open coffeeshop...where got use 1kg...we use 50kg sacks..) So kept looking...found another shop which sells 50kg sacks of sugar...but the wrong type of sugar...( we use 'Gula Tebu'...) Again, kept looking...when I finally found the place....I realised that I didn't bring my wallet!!!....WTF MAN!!!

6.45am - Eventually got my wallet...went back and got 2 sacks. Because the shop owner was very old...again I tried to be hero... carry myself!!!... (it really didn't look that heavy...) Think I pulled a muscle... cause because I was lazy to make 2 trips to carry 2 packs...I carried both at the same time..Thats a 100 kilos!!! (close to EZan RAmen's weight....!!..well maybe a bit less!..hhaha..)

7.45am - Reached home and figured that I was very unhealthy and decided to head to the gym to sweat out... Bad mistake!! I almost fainted!!...hahhaa... (came out...lit a cig.....and blacked out for about 1 min....hahha....so clever!)

9am - Went back up to my unit....and realise that I left the keys down at the gym!!...KNNCCB!!
WTF is wrong with me... (Where got people so 'suay' wan....)...

Well....its now near 12pm... I hope the bad luck cycle is gone....cause I can't stand another day like this. I think I'll just go for a massage!!...

Only thing good about today is that I found out how to load videos onto the blog from YouTube. Saves me alot of time....!! So....because I had a bad day....here's a random video...(Shut up you guys...My bad day....My choice of song!!)

EMO EMO EMO!!!

God...Please give me a break ok!?...I promise I'll be a good KopiChai from now on... No more fooling around.... No more stealing money from myself....I promise..!

Stupid Barcelona....Stupid Chelsea!!

2009-05-18T06:13:00.000+08:00

"... I hate you.."

Thats all I have to say!!

We're at it again...

2009-05-16T07:24:00.004+08:00

"...really have nothing better to do??.."

Haha...the 'Pau Stealer' is at it again...Since the last time he was featured on this blog...he was dancing like a lion.. Then...he was sweeping the policemen's bike...
Now...this..
What is the world coming to..(gone...the youth today are getting more and more screwed up..)

Anyway, this should be an advertisement for TsingTao Beer..
Haha...we made sure that the labels were facing the camera..
Maybe the GM of TsingTao Beer can see this and give the coffeeshop a good deal..hahah..

Today, I went to a pub in Sri Hartamas.. Told a girl about the 'Analysis causing Paralysis Syndrome' and she totally agreed. Thats why... People probably shouldn't analyse too much.
This guy by the name of "Puck Kyan" who is normally a very outgoing person was so shy sitting next to a girl which he liked...aiyoh....so shy...hahha..

I just told her straight.. "Eh...He likes you.." (You should have seen Puck Kyan's face turn red..)
Whoa...just like a little boy meeting his girl for the first time...haha.. The girl didn't say no chance... She said 'Maybe...'....and 'Don't know'.... Haha.. GO FOR IT!!...
She talks damn fast though...hahha...

But then again...if I was put in the same position...I'd be pretty shy too... (...my head slanting to one side acting very coy...) Goodness me... Shit...Stupid Phie Lote and Alloy.. your syndrome is spreading.. But I will not be a victim of the 'Dum Chun Toi' syndrome!!!...

Anyway, I was contemplating to go or not to go as I didn't want things to be awkward for some people.. (due to previous historical happenings..) Sigh..Kinda wished I didn't go...cause I could feel the tension across the room..haha. I swore to myself that I'd not cause any problems for people...hahha...and I succeeded (...I was tempted to walk over and ask to have a word with that guy's partner...haha...but I didn't la...cause I knew an argument would entail...). I saw the guy's eyes and face suspiciously looking for his partner when she walked to the toilet!...Goodness... !!

Anyway...the night went on rather blendly... until late at night when some people came over the the shop and had a slight problem. Well...for those who saw the problem...please keep it to yourselves. For those who didn't see... It would be better not to have seen it...trust me.
Lets hope that it was a lesson learnt for the unlucky fella...OK?

Well...If you guys are wondering what... IT MEANS YOU WEREN'T AT THE SHOP!!
Which means you're not a regular customer...because all the happening stuff happens at Two Billion after 3am!!...hahha...
Cheers you drunkards...

Tomorrow...I think I'll head to the 'Euro Fair' in Bukit Jalil. I feel like enjoying myself. I had a pretty bad night today. Maybe there is a Ferris Wheel there... :)
I can then feel young again..hahhaha!!!... (Shut up...!...I am young!)

EZan RAmen Challenge!!

2009-05-15T07:00:00.024+08:00

"...Jumbo Tiger with a little stout!!"

EZan RAmen's day off yesterday!!... No Curfew!!...Yippee!!
Which better place than to spend the night having care-free drinks in an ultra safe environment without a care in the world having guy gossips and fun right?!?... (You idiots who are still thinking where.. go shoot yourselves..)

He is the pioneer for this drink... So I shall name it after him..
"EZan RAmen Jumbo Tiger Challenge!"

He and his two friends came for drinks and basically drank almost a crate of beer on their own.
The victims!!

Let me explain the mechanics of the drink challenge...
Firstly, you order some beer (from Two Billion..ahem ahem..).... then you grab some Jumbo Glasses. Well for those who haven't seen the Jumbo glasses....here's a photo of them..
They may look small.....but NOOOOO.....it can fill a litre of liquids...thats 1000ml of water...(for you dumb ass people who didn't know that a litre is 1000ml..) Look at the size of the beer bottle next to the glass!!...So start imagining..
Then you start pouring the beer into the glass....Should fill only 3/4 of the glass...
Have a look at the nice video of the pouring!!...and the victims going "OH MY GOD!!...I should have ignored your call....OH My God!!...."
Hahhaa.....!!

Hahaha....EZan RAmen says....."Its not that MUCH weiiii!!"

Then add in some Guinness Stout... Just a touch just to change the colour of the beer!!
All you have to do after this is.......just swallow the entire drink in ONE GO!!!...mUAhahaahha!!
Watch and be amazed....!!! (if you're lucky...you may hear a nice burp!!...)

I have a few things to say about the video!!...
"Did you guys say vomit on the 'Civic'??....You value your life?!..KNNCCB!!"
"What you mean tomorrow morning!!!???....Tonight already uploaded!!...hahhaha"

Only the great EZan RAmen could finish it at one go...(maybe it was because of the size of his tank...hahah...geddit geddit...) His other two friends...well basically...ok lor...they took a short break in between...but they still finished it!!

What I didn't manage to get on camera....was one of his friends puking shortly after...hahha..
But I think they really enjoyed themselves...hahhaa...
... very nice and juicy topics entailed after...hhahaha...

Oh well....they only left at 6am...hahhaa...

Anyway... sorry...tomorrow no blogging (as far as I know...) because...... its LETS GO DISCO day!!!....Yahoo...!! I'm heading out to party....!!... So unless something interesting happens tomorrow.... The next blog will be after I recover from the hangover of 'Tomato Juice' !!...hahaha... (..wtf...you think I drink?....I don't drink la...hello!!)

So guys....LETS GO DISCO!!!.....(seriously...I won't FFK this time...I'm very stressed!!)

Thats what you get for boasting!!!...

2009-05-13T04:54:00.005+08:00

"...I won't get drunk drinking beer...give me some liquor then I'll drink with you!!"

Hahaha... I swear that was the one line which he will regret a lot for tonight at least..
I have this customer (whose name is "Lok Kau" as in 69...really...) who came and join a 'drinking' session which was already happening here at Two Billion. Already one of his friends told him on the phone... "If you cannot drink...don't come.."

His reply was.... "Cheh...how much can you all drink..!!"

Hahaha...boy was he in for a surprise... as the bunch had already been drinking since 3am....and this "Lok Kau" basically was walking into a trap. He came and parked into a parking lot in between 2 cars and the moment he got out of the car....another car blocked his 'escape'...hahha
He was cornered in and wasn't allowed to leave..

Still our little short fucker said.. "You all drinking beer only ah?....I only drink hard liquor...!"
If you got...I'll drink... Beer is not for me.. Only hard liquor.
"Standard a bit la you all....Please man!... "

WOOOOO!!!... ... Little did he know!!!!
TADA!!!!!....Only available at Two Billion.. (you should have seen his face change!....hahha...)

Well, I basically poured a whole glass neat...and some coke. At 90% liquor and 10% Coke.
I even charged him for the Coke!...hahhaa...(sure have to charge la..if not what do i earn?)

He tried to run...but of course his car was blocked by another already..
Then I had confiscated his car keys.. WOOO...KNNCCB....
"Where you gonna run to!!!??"....

Watch the video anyway.....Have a look..

Fuyoh..... Well he did get stopped by the cops later on the way home...
Made a big fuss about it too... But as the title says... "Thats what you get for boasting!!"

Words of Wisdom...

2009-05-12T02:45:00.004+08:00

"..Lead your life by these words.."

Dr. Love is Back!!!

Hahaha.....I have brilliant advice which is suitable for everyone in the world...
Not only for Two Billion's customers...but for all the world to see!

These are brilliant!!!... Love it!

This one is for all the 'Heart-Broken' people...
Remember.....!!!

The rest are equally hilarious...Have a look!!
These words of advice should carry you through the tough times..!
Have a ball...!

Did I tell you that I hate enforcement officers??

2009-05-11T03:20:00.004+08:00

"...Janji...Sebulan Sekali Saja..."

Sekali my ass!!.. These fellas have nothing better to do than to go round and terrorise the legal businesses around town. Seriously...they literally go around and give businesses headaches...
Sigh...In this world, nothing is without headache.. Anyway, apparently they were supposed to only give me 1 fine a month...and then they wouldn't give me so much shit on other days...

Lanjiao!!... Look at this...This month alone..!!
KNNCCB...and I'm paying taxes so that these fellas can come and give me fines!!..hahha..WTF!!

Anyway, I hate them..! Period!
They should just go and imitate the positions below... in their uniforms!!
That'll be kinky!...Mother fuckers..! (The only kind of mothers who don't deserve mother's day wishes!!!)

Well, these nights have been rather quiet for me...as you may have noticed...Not much for me to write about... (Maybe because I've been rather depressed lately...due to my injured hand!)
The swelling has gone down...but still hurts like hell....sigh..
Maybe its lacking the 'super duper quick healing massage' that the previous injuries used to have...hhaha...(hmm... you know I know can already..)

Phie Lote and Wasted Sperm came over at about 4am for supper and I managed to entice the Wasted Sperm to brush his teeth again....with introducing the keropok sambal combination!!
Hahaha....At first when I offered him....he said.."I brushed my teeth already."....then sipping his Teh O Ais (which was full of sugar..)... Stupid boy... "You'd have to brush your teeth again mah!!!"...Then only he ate...! After he tried one...automatically the hand kept taking more and more... (Brush teeth again ok?!...hahah)

Stupid Phie Lote has been feeling left out of the blog....so he suggested I take a picture of something and post it.. So here it is.. (With his stupid hand!!....again..)
Looks like Mickey Mouse eh?!..hhaha..(except for the stupid hand la..)

Nothing else was interesting already la....Today was a slow day for business.. Very bad actually..
Maybe its because all the people decided to be good children to their mothers and stayed at home. ...Oh well..hope business improves soon...If not...I'll never be able to change my car!!

Mothers Day!!

2009-05-10T18:43:00.002+08:00

Sorry guys...no post.
Its mothers day...
Maybe later!

Happy Mothers Day to All mothers..
Maybe after dinner...:)

Aman Suria is a tad bit safer!!!

2009-05-07T14:17:00.006+08:00

"...now go tell the others in the snatch thief club.."

If you guys remember in one of the previous posts a few weeks ago about the snatch thief who stole a girl's bag??.. Well last night there was somewhat something like that which 'almost' happened. This time it was pure desperation and stupidity in the choice of victim and location of the crime..hahha..

Apparently the 'modus operandi' of this crew of cons is to grab phones which customers leave on the tables and sell the phones somewhere else.. and sometimes they will wait until you take out your wallet to pay for something, they'll grab and run.... Well last night the 'snatch and con' crew was either unlucky or they really had it coming for them.. They came....sat at a table with a bunch of customers and tried to pull something off... until a guy which were one of their previous victims recognised them....all hell broke loose!!!

Watch the snippet of what I got from the CCTV....this guy came in from the streets and started bashing the 2 guys...haha... Have a look..

Whats stupid about it is....even after getting hit a couple of times...these fellas still managed to grab two phones which were on the table and tried to get away... OOOOOOO.....wrong choice man.. They tried to run...but as I said before....AMAN SURIA is OURS!!!...
We gave chase this time round....and happily for us....sadly for them....we got them!!!

I can imagine what was going through the thieves minds....maybe it was something along the lines of.....

" Whoa...bodohnya saya...kali ini mati......WHOA...banyaknya orang... kali ini mati... sorry la...aku tak berani lagi...WHOA....siapa nak tolong aku ni......kali ini mati...aduh aduh...sakit sakit... jangan pukul kotek aku....jangan....aduh....sakitnya....bagi 'chan' sikit bang....aduh...oww oww...kali ini mati...bodohnye aku....WHOA....kalau aku main main pengsan mungkin dia orang akan stop bantai aku...aiyoh..aiyoh...pengsan pun takde stop ni....aduh aduh...kali ini mati.... aiyoooo....bagi saya mati la....sakit..sakit..."

I couldn't believe that I had so much energy in me...it was like I was still in school running the 100m dash.... The 2 of them ran quite quickly...but our bunch....like rabid dogs....ran FASTER!...muahahaha.. Weapons all drawn....we 'kindly' introduced brands like 'Nike', 'Adidas', Birkenstocks, Gucci, Fung Keong 'safety boots (yes...the ones with the metal plating protection at the toes).... and Guinness to their faces and body parts... it was exhilarating!!!

All unto a point when the 'weapons' came out!!...there was no blood.. But how can we stop if there was no blood right??....So the 'bashing' continued for about 10 minutes... I shouldn' have lent the rattan stick to the drunk indian... He was ''oh very excited and accidentally struck my hand with the stick as I was grabbing the thief's neck...WHAM!!!...right into my hand!! (this time...left hand injured..sigh).... at that time...all the euphoria of 'public rage' turned into anger towards the drunk Indian man... our guys almost went for him until I stopped them..hahha...(lucky bastard..)

Oh well.... it was so fun especially when your mom and dad is watching!!..haha..
(Even my parents said they deserved what they got...but they still shaked their heads when it was over....but this time...they shake and smiled...and gave a little chuckle..) How often does that happen?!!...hahhaha...

Words of Advice : Don't try to be a hero when you see your 'accomplice' getting his shit beat out of him...

This guy came out of nowhere...and tried to help the two thieves....and said something like "Dia orang tak curi....telefon itu saya punya...' WHOA....bad choice la sohai... I turned and asked him.. "You sama dia orang ga??".... his reply was... "Ya... saya kaw... (elbow slammed into his face..)"
The world then came crushing on the 3rd accomplice!!!
Birkenstocks la.. Nike la...Adidas la....(quick think of more brands of shoes...!!) all also got la.
One 'accomplice' down on the floor....

Oh so suddenly...the night became so 'flashing blue' when a white car with blue lights arrived.. But after hearing the story...gave the crowd another 5 mins to do their worse... I swear the some old men and family men also had their moment of venting their anger on them...Haha..
Our weapons 'miraculously' disappeared also when the cops showed up...(we're seasoned enough to know what to do...hahah)

Anyway...we walked away and I was rubbing my hand already by now..
Sigh...Sakitnye... My mother was ready with the "Tit Tar Chau" (Chinese Traditional Medicine) already... When I asked her..."Eh...how come got this here?.."

Her reply was... "Cause I knew something like this would happen in a coffee shop business.."
I had nothing to say...hahhaha...

Oh well...like I said before... "AMAN SURIA is OURS"....
Notice the word 'AMAN'.....hahhaha....meaning peaceful??...
Maybe we should name it " Coffeeboy Suria"....hahhaha...

Anyway...for entertainment purposes I'll share a picture of my hand...don't laugh KNNCCB...its really painful....
(....I wish an angel would help massage my hand...hahaha...OOOoOoooOO!!) Wish only cannot ah? Pain lorr...

Hey...if you have previously been a victim to these kinda incidents... We have tried to give some revenge to these kinda people... and will constantly promise an 'ass whooping' for those who dare do this again... Rest easy as we are watching!!...

Word of Advice to the Snatch Thieves: Jangan cuba lagi...bodoh! (notice the language used..maybe you'd understand what kind of people we are talking to..oops...)

So much for an eventful night...

Nothing else happened after.... I spent some time with my good friend Phie Lote shooting some zombies!!...hahah....we found some new maps..!!

Till the next post!!

I hate enforcement officers...

2009-05-05T15:10:00.006+08:00

"... Jadi....Macam mana mau cerita?.."

Its the standard line used when the darn enforcement people come... They are always seeking ways to make your life a living hell... I think I was born to be a rebel... And I've always been at loggerheads with the people in uniforms...
(...but I'm cool with chicks in nurses uniforms, japanese school uniforms...hahha)
Maybe because I have issues with people in 'power'....hahhaa..

They came one night while I was manning the counter and called me out to the front of the shop.. They started telling me that they are the new bunch of people in charge of the area and that the old bunch have been transferred. So...in my mind... I was thinking "3 cans of 100 plus and three red notes" for them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone...

Then I asked, so who is in charge now? They told me that they'd bring their boss around soon.
So obviously I said OK la. But I told them.... " Engkau bawak boss dulu, kita pergi tempat lain...kita duduk...kita cerita 'system' baru..."
I think I pissed them off...cause I didn't want to deal with them at all... then they started saying these things.....

PJ: Kalau kita datang... kena saman la...

Coffeeboy: Kalau kena sama.....kena bayar la... (snigger snigger...)

PJ: Takkan 'you' mahu kena saman??...Tak leceh ke?

Coffeeboy: Kalau 'leceh' pun terpaksa la kan??... Abang semua ni kena jalan tugas juga....

PJ: (looking confused by now...) Eh... kita cerita la...macam mana nak settle ni..

Coffeeboy: (looking even more confused)... Eh?...Aku ingat abang nak jalankan tugas??.. Jadi macam mana nak cerita??...(Hahaa....suddenly I was the one in the driving seat!!)

PJ: Tak-pe la bang... Suka hati la. (starts rubbing his humongous tummy and laughing..)

Coffeeboy:.. Haus??... Aku 'tapau' 100 plus hari ini....bila you bawak boss....kita cerita..OK?

PJ: Boleh la...Thank you ah... (Taking the 3 drinks..)

Coffeeboy: OK...jumpa lagi ah.... (..I was thinking...KNNCCB...bastards..)..BIG BIG SMILE!!
Sigh....I felt that these are the 'licensed robbers'...which I cannot use my weapons on...
Oh well... so much for law enforcement... Irritating!!

At least something good happened today. If you have been coming to the shop these days, you'd already notice a stall called 'Lok Lok Brothers' sitting in the side area. Well....they've finally gotten their asses up and running. Had a trial run yesterday...
It was nice...haha~!!!
There is supposed to be around 18-25 varieties of food...but because it was a trial run... many were not ready.. but tonight should have a better spread!! Notice the stupid 'peace' sign?... Thats the idiot Phie Lote..(look for the guilty face in the next picture..) He ate and did not pay!!...
Apparently, Mr. EZan RAmen is coming later to try to eat 100 sticks of the stuff. If he can do it... HE DOESN'T NEED TO PAY!!!... Haha...Will keep you guys posted on that challenge.
After all, he's a free man from today onwards!!
(EZan RAmen is a celebrity when it comes to my shop...all the stalls love him!... Unlike some people who blog negatively about him.... He's an angel..and a good catch... Your loss!!...KNNCCB!!)

If possible, I'll do a live coverage on his eating challenge!!.. Fuck HERBALIFE!!..haha

Flirting...a very very grey area...

2009-05-03T09:14:00.006+08:00

"... They are not what they seem...."

As I was driving back to the shop last night after a friend's wedding dinner, I stopped to pump petrol and as usual, paid and started filling up. Suddenly, this car pulled up next to me and parked at the next pump.... phewwitt!!! (hot chick in the house...or in the petrol station!!...whichever sounds cooler..) I quickly decided to be cool and act like I did not notice her... (that failed badly...hahaha)

She was really quite brave to come and pump petrol in the middle of the night....alone..(hot and alone..yay!!) But I noticed that she was fumbling around her car like she was trying to find something.. So I looked at her at the corner of my eye and minded my own business (just in case she freaks out and starts yelling for help...you know these days with robberies and all..)
Eventually, I had to make eye contact...(rule no.1 of flirting..don't make eye contact immediately)..and smiled. (rule no. 2 of flirting...smile..cause you'd look like shit if you don't).

She smiled back and she looked even more stunning than before...haha. I thought to myself "Yes-lah....finally get to meet a hot chick!!".... So in my mind I was prepping myself on what to say and how to project myself as being helpful...and nice.
So luckily I was well dressed (apart from my normal coffee shop attire)... enough to project the image that I was not a pervert named Phie Lote..hhaha...
Eventually, she came over and the entire imagery of her being a slender hot chick shattered when she opened her mouth....

"Ehh....can you prease help me?.. I duunno how to oo-pen the put petrol thing. I look look look ...I kennot find la. Haha.. I'm so tellible (which i guessed was the word terrible).. Can prease help me ah?"

Whoa....if you guys know me...I really cannot stomach hot chicks who cannot speak English proper...hahha...automatically, the charm switch kinda tripped..hhahaha..
Obviously, I helped her out la... and guess what she said after....???

"Fank you so mush".....HHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Oh well...so much for meeting a hot chick.... If she'd ask for a name and number, I'd give my name as Tan. Phone number 012-2962218. (Rule no 3 of flirting.. If you wanna escape the person...give Phie Lote's number...hahha..)

Hahaha...

I didn't la!!!...Stop complaining la Phie Lote...(I know you wish I did right??..hhahha)

Fun with Titles...

2009-05-01T22:59:00.005+08:00

"...DVDs with extremely interesting titles..."

After a good nights rest...I came to the DVD shop at about 4pm today...and spent a couple of hours there trying to help out because the 'Pau Stealer' is on long leave...
As a few of us were talking about tendencies to turn gay..(eh..please ah..its not me who enjoyed the topic..it was this friend named 'Seven'..)

Again, please do not misunderstand... I have the utmost respect acceptance of the 'happy' people.. I think they are genuine and cool... (and I'm not being defensive...OK!..)

We then concluded to do a 'visual test' to see who was the most intrigued by the 'happy' films..
In the end...I was only intrigued by the titles...and not the visuals. (I swear....)
Here are a few titles which caught my eye...
I believe the people who came up with the titles were laughing as hard as I was.... Have a look...
This title was a spin-off from the movie..The General's Daughter. (haha...)
This one...from the Japanese horror film...'The Ring' (...something you insert into as well...hahah..KNNCCB!)
Joining the army will never be the same again...SIR!..
You guys seen the movie 'Hot Shots'??...by Charlie Sheen??...haha..
Hahaha...this one is pretty obvious!!...'Inn-Keeper'...hhahaa...
This doesn't look like Clint Eastwood?..Although the name 'Wood' is quite handy here..(geddit...geddit...Wood??)
This one...nothing needs to be said..good pun!!
Haha... a must have... Something about law en'force'ment....

Actually, there were more...but I didn't want to look too awkward taking pictures of 'happy' films... I stopped once the customers started looking at me funny... (I swear I could imagine what went through the aunty's mind when she saw me snapping pictures of the covers.....I'm sure you guys can imagine too...Shut Up...don't laugh...KNNCCB!)

The list goes on... Tarzan and Blane.... Sausage Party 3.... Fairy God Father... Monsters Balls... Hahaha... (I know some of you are getting excited already... Phie Lote!!! Stop scratching your ...)

EZan RAmen....lets go to TESCO!!... We can relive our fantasies...!!!

Indian Disco?!?!

2009-05-01T06:46:00.007+08:00

"...Told you this place is the land of fun!!"

For the first time in Two Billion history, we had an Indian Dancer..haha..
Apparently these fellas came and started drinking since 10pm...and they stayed and drank until 6am....Sounds like an entire day's work..!! 8 hours!!...Thats their job.
They even brought their own sound system.. One car after another.
RnB, Indian Dance and even Ballads for the night...hahaha..

Have a look... I got one of them to dance in front of the camera...kekeke...
Have you heard about the 'Melbourne Shuffle'.....here introducing the 'Kayu Ara' shuffle!!!

As I came over to the shop rather late...(due to 'losing consciousness' after working long long hours)...I missed a lot of the Indian disco music..haha.. But I did get some of it...
Listen to the background music...you'll hear it...

Anyway...as some of you may know...the 'Ikan Bakar' stall has been discontinued for a while, due to the rising cost of fish. Plus, the plan is to change the 'Ikan Bakar' stall to either a 'Fried Oyster and Cockle' stall or maybe even 'Carrot Cake' stall. I also got the 'Ikan Bakar' fella to cut his own sign down and turn it upside down...
The Chinese characters apparently means "Ikan Bakar"...and he turned it upside down...to mark that the fish has died...hahhaa... (as most people would know that once a fish dies...it turns over...stupid!)

Oh well, he's thinking of opening a new stall...but not sure what yet..
I will keep you posted!!... But I suspect that he is getting lazy because NOW, he just got a girlfriend...so..a bit busy la...hahha. (see...Ikan Bakar got girlfriend...Tom Yum Noodles can go Bali with girlfriend...while the boss of this place...got his blog only...KNNCCB!)

Nevermind!!.... I can do it one. Just you wait...I'll put my wedding pictures up soon...!! Hahaha....Don't want girlfriend....Straight away get married...pop 8-9 kids out... Then once the kids grow up....get jobs....and start paying me RM1000 per month each...then I'll have income of about 8-9k every month.. Right?..
Thats forward planning for you!!...

Anyway..I better get back to work..
Until the next post!

Due to popular demand...

2009-04-30T02:39:00.006+08:00

"... He felt left out...!!"

After publishing so many embarassing videos....the 'Pau Stealer' felt left out...
He asked..."eh..you didn't post the CNY Lion Dance video meh??"
So...I knew he wanted to be covered by this magnificent blog lor....So here's how it went down!!

On one of the lonely nights before the shop opened, we were just hanging out in the DVD shop. It was during Chinese New Year and again we had nothing to do. Then one 'mou lieu' suggestion came from Mr. Mingguang to do our very own lion dance. But we had no lion dance suit and drums...

So we IMPROVISED!!!...

Have a look!!!

THERE WERE CUSTOMERS THERE!!!!.....OMG!!!

Well if you want to book this 'lion' for next year's lion dance, please call Mr. Hadam at 012-3062640. Ask for him to come and dance at your house.. We're cheaper than the other lion dance fellas...

Haha....

What a Load of Bullshit!!

2009-04-27T05:34:00.003+08:00

"...Never fuckin' believe anything on Facebook!!"

Hhahha... I was surfing on my WI-FI connection in my shop and I came across this test which I found rather interesting! It was "When will you be married?" test...
(Hey!!..It does not mean anything when you take the test!!...I'm not in a hurry to get married ok?!!!...Mary, you first...then me..you're 30 already!!)

Well, FUCK THE RESULTS!!!...Load of Bullshit!
Check it out!....Un-fucking-believable!!

Well I'm wayyyy past that age!! ... and not even close!! ( Hint Hint...all the sisters out there...time to help me out ok?!...If you know what I mean...)

Hmm...I'm still waiting for the right one! That is my only excuse...
Sorry Mom & Dad.... I think I failed you guys....again..
Even the computer is not helping me...:(

Anyway...I'm bitter from the past!..haha... Carmen Soo...where are you?!

Revenge for Stealing the Paus...

2009-04-27T05:02:00.003+08:00

"...and eye for an eye!!!"

If you remember the freaking 'Pau' Stealers..
Well... Tonight there won't be any interesting blogs...as I will be busy watching these 2 DVDs.
Which I did not pay for!!...HAH!!
Revenge is sweet!...KNNCCB!!
Eh???...Why upside down?...Err...I'm still new at this so...Please forgive me.. So..."Mall Cop" and "Fast and Furious 4" is out...CLEAR COPY!! (some advertisement for my DVD shop la..)

Anyway, tomorrow my morning cashier will start work.... which means I can go back to living a normal life. This job pays higher than the usual because I feel that this person is experienced and worth it. She's a Christian woman who will take no rubbish from anyone.. So I believe she's really trustworthy...Thank you God! Her job title.. Resource and Revenue Director!!!...

I'll have to teach her everything tomorrow so I won't be blogging tonight..(err...apart from this posting la..) Well, i hope that she can last the afternoon heat though.. I believe the heat is caused by the 'Mixed Rice' soup boiler which is placed at the entrance of the shop.. Then it traps the heat inside the shop.. Maybe I'll try changing it around in the morning.

Hmm... Remember the previous blog??...On the kind of friends that I have??...
I did not get much flak for that... (well.. maybe because the victims are not blog readers....haha Smart leh...) So please keep the posting to yourselves ok.

I've been asked to do an interview for some 'foosball' feature...(Hmm..I wonder why they'd ask me...) I asked the fella who approached me the same question....WHY!!??
He couldn't answer me at all... So maybe when he covers the interview, I'll do a write up on that as well.. Haha... But the interview has to be done at the coffeeshop... With cameras and spotlights as well...:)

Anyway...Movie time..
Its cleaning day at the shop today... and I'm watching DVDs in the office.
I like this life!..hhaha...

What Kind of Friends do I have?!?!

2009-04-25T04:39:00.038+08:00

Warning!! The contents of this blog is extremely sensitive to some people....but hilarious to others. The intention of this posting is for entertainment only and not meant to incriminate anyone...or HUMILIATE them..(well maybe a little..)
Please act normal if you see them...please...:)

What kind of friends do I have..you may ask..Haha...There is no point explaining to you what kind of people they are...You should just see for yourselves. This posting is supposed to just show you a day in the life of some of my friends...Just be entertained.

Firstly.. We have the "Pau Stealer". This fella can be seen in the DVD shop most of the time in Aman Suria. We used to do the stupidest things in the middle of the night...Just like we own the world. The following video shows what NOT TO DO before you sell off a car.. Have a look.

Next we have a Portuguese fella by the name of 'Collene' (name changed to protect the identity of the person again...haha) He has been crowned the 'King of Tut'. Now for those of you who are not exposed to the causes of 'Special K'...it will cause strange behaviour and sometime causes 'jamming' of your system. Special K is actually horse tranquilizer...hahha...
(can't believe that these people will sniff or snort up some substance which people stuff up horse's arses...but these are the effects...haha)

Side Effect 1 - Jamming
This effect is considered minor already. What it does is it sort of causes your body not to be able to respond to your 'will' to move. In this case, Collene's pants was taken off and he could not even pull it up himself.... Even if he wanted to...hahhaa...
Oh..Damn you guys...(Mind telling the hands..)...Pick Pants Up...Pick Pants Up!!..Arrgh..Can't move...

Grrr....I'll get you for this...(the moment I can regain control...)

Side Effect 2 - Strange Behaviour
In this video, you will see him acting strangely and calling out the brand of the Air-conditioning.. But as the video progresses...he starts saying something that sounds like "Ass Wipe"....but it was actually the same word...."Panasonic"...hahha..

"Panasonic....Panasonic....Panasonic...Pan--wipe...Pass-wipe......Ass Wipe.." - What the fuck hahaha!!!

Word of Advice :
If you don't want to end up like this fella...
STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS!!

Then we have another guy...who loves the camera. And believe me....the following videos are YouTube qualified.. Meaning that the world should be able to see this...
Some nights in Aman Suria can get a little boring...So we have to make up our own entertainment. Well...we also have a DVD business a few doors away from my coffee shop... and at the DVD shop we do sell MTVs and Music CDs.

So for 'Promotional purposes' we have our very own star performer (we can't afford a real star...due to economic slowdown..) Mr. Mingguang (again need to hide identity...ahah) to perform some entertainment for the customers. Have a look...

Some times also performs some dance routines with our mascot...

If you wanna see more videos of his performances...you will need to file a special request via this blog...OK!!

And the final one!!!! This fella takes the cake!!
We all love him. He provides the best entertainment for all...
Well sometimes, we like to share....and we feel that we need to share this moment of privacy with the world... So please don't ask me where I got these videos from....I will never tell..
I know and see everything!!!...Hahha..

First Video.. Indecent Exposure!!!

We felt he needed to 'air' something..

Second Video... To show the world that he can Multi-Task!

Talking business...!! (geddit geddit?...hahahahahhaha)

Well, because I wanted to post these things up today, I knew I'd receive some sort of retribution... so I was prepared for something bad to happen to me today..and it did...:(

I GOT 'FINED' by a cop....for Illegal Parking. (damn it!!)
Anyway...did you know that the Police Force in Malaysia is no longer called the PDRM??
I just found out today that they are now called "POLMAS'...(wtf!!).
Its supposed to stand for POLIS MALAYSIA. (some genius came up with this name..:S)

So since I got fined already, we decided to have some fun with the Policeman's bike...hahah.
Please have a look at the 'new' bike.. Both the 'Pau Stealer' and I did some fashion poses near the bike!!...hahha..

He even turned on the siren for us when he rode off!!...hahaha... Love the Malaysian cops!!..
(sometimes...)

Anyway...hope you are entertained. I'll need to turn off my phone from now on cause I reckon these people will throw a fit once they find out.. Especially the last fella.. The 'Multi-Tasker'...

Mr. Kajo...(again a disguised name...)... We love you!!

Day Out!!

2009-04-24T04:50:00.009+08:00

"...I knew there was someone who agreed with me..."

If you guys remember the "Dum Chun Toi" syndrome from one of the previous posts... Here is a comment posted for that blog post. This girl sounds genuine enough to tell about how they really feel about guys who just sit and do nothing...

"THEY DO NOTHING ABOUT IT TOO!!!..."

So if you guys don't want to suffer from the 'Bang Balls' syndrome, you guys better act fast.
Stop finding excuses and make assumptions for your fears and grow a pair of marbles.

Anonymous said...

lol.. didn't know such syndrome exist, thanks for sharing!! im a girl, n when my girl friend's have problems, we share it.. more of a normal thing to us than to u guys. but thing is, girl's pretty common problem is tat why certain guys seem like they're interested but never act!! we then conclude tat guys these days either have no balls, or just waits for the girl to make the move. so as girls, we wouldn't do anything!! tell ur friend! n those corny msgs, please....

Sigh... These people will never learn until they have banged up their own balls.

Anyway, today was the first day I went out in the day...haha..
I went to my old office area for lunch. Accompanied my friends to renew their passports and had a drink in Starbucks!! ( ..I still don't see why people would pay RM14 for a coffee....and complain about RM0.10 for a coffee in a coffee shop!...KNNCCB!)

I tell you guys, driving out to Bangsar was like a whole new experience for me... Was kinda like a road trip... I was glad to use some of the petrol which I filled into my car on the 8th of April....and I've still got more than 1/2 tank...:)
I was like "WhOA...this place become like this already aaaa..." and "Aiyo...Long time never see this place oooo". My friend says that I'm embarassing!..(wtf...)

Well, during drinks I tried to take a picture of the most talkative person I've ever met.. Wasn't really successful..but at least something for you guys to see. She's a customer and only appears in the middle of the night at the coffeeshop. She's also a friend's girlfriend. I tell you...I've never enjoyed any other coffee session like this one.. We laughed alot..
She can talk damn alot for a little sized girl. The mouth can keep talking for about 30 mins non-stop and only breathes in between sentences...hahahha...
Conversations like this would take place...(Imagine it in Cantonese..at 250 words per minute)

BB: Eh..I ask you ah.. Am I pretty?
(Her boyfriend sitting next to her starts shaking his head in embarassment)

Coffeeboy: Err....Not really.

BB: Yeah I know...but I know I'm cute and evergreen.. (cantonese = kum thai meaning the more you look..you won't get bored of the features)

Coffeeboy: Whoa..praise yourself...I see you so small size and your skin is so thick...Aiyoh...I dunno how your boyfriend stands you..

BB: Cheh.. I'm Cili padi wei.. Normally girls grow until 18 years old but dunno why I stopped when I was 13...(Laughs to herself..).. One more year also don't give me.. You all dunno how much my boyfriend loves me err....We are very loving one...(again laughs at herself...)
(by this time...boyfriend still hasn't said a word and just rolls his eyes...)

Coffeeboy: Haha..

BB: Whoa I don't like to come out in the afternoons wan...So jammed and hot. No wonder my skin is so fair.... Anyway.. lets go to Sunway Lagoon one of these days la... can ask the group to go.. After that Bali la...In November.. EEEE....I know you wanna go..cause S******** is going...hhahaha...

Coffeeboy: Eh..suddenly can change topic ?

BB: Eh anyway, I won't buy slippers for my boyfriend wan lor.. After he run away.

Coffeeboy: I think he will run away without your slippers also lor if you keep on talking like that...hahahha...

BB: ...(Turns her head at the boyfriend)..You will meh???
(...boyfriend keeps ignoring her, rolls his eyes and looks at his laptop)

BB: You see...He also said no.. Anyway, I wanna go to work at 8pm. Then later go to your shop to eat Hokkien Noodles and Pork Mee. Aiya..you know what.. Last week I went shopping ah...then I made my darling angry....I tell you the story...blah..blah...blah blah...

Coffeeboy: ....(silence and amazed..)...

My goodness...How can someone talk so freaking much.. I remember the only time she shut up was when I whipped out my camera and said I was going to blog about the most talkative person on this earth....Haha..TADA!!!...Here she is....
Hahaha....She's a real character.. Very lovable. Haha... Brightens up everyone's day...except for her boyfriend...hahaha...I'm sorry mate..you have to deal with her. For your birthday, I'll buy you a remote control...with a MUTE button just for her!..hahha..

Later went back to my house...and slept for almost 8 hours and went back to the shop to see a drunk portuguese fella celebrating his birthday in the coffeeshop.

"Happy Birthday...you young punk... Pick and choose your friends wisely... Maybe you shouldn't hang around with 'SCUM' too much.."

Say 'cheese' to the camera...you drunkard!!!
Hmmm...I wonder why both the poses are the same... Maybe I'm too intrusive with my camera??

NOT!!!....I just need a camera which captures faster!!..hahaha..
Time to play bejewelled on Facebook. Catch you guys later!!

It should be a crime!!

2009-04-21T06:25:00.004+08:00

"....'Thongs'...."

I know that guys these days check out women's behinds pretty often...especially if the lady has a better than average figure and (pardon me...) a nice butt. I will admit to doing that sometimes too...but we really can't help it...we're guys..
All I can do is to not gawk and stare for long periods of time...(anything less than 15 seconds is acceptable ..I think..hhahah).

But honestly...I strongly believe, and I believe the guys out there also agree, that the visible 'thong' or 'T-Back' should only be privileged to those with hot butts and nice figures....Haha..
Pardon me...Don't get me wrong and I have nothing against plus sized women....(as I said previously...women are wonderful)....its just should they feel like wearing 'thongs' or 'T-Backs', they should ensure that its not visible. (Maybe sit properly...or make sure the apparel covers enough)

Because today...there was this lady that came into the shop and honestly she was a 'little' on the plump side...(if you know what I mean)....She basically sat on the stool and leaned forward...and the 'purple' T-back just felt like introducing itself to the world. Bright BRIGHT Purple summore!!
The old man behind also got a shock I think...

I almost fell off the chair when I saw that she actually knew that it was showing and did not do anything to rectify the situation...She even used her fingers to 'adjust' the position of the string...but and still did not cover up...Goodness!! It was embarassing for a lot of people..

Anyway...I do respect the rights of ladies to wear whatever makes them feel sexy...but I feel that it should be worn with a little tact...
I dunno about you...but thank God I stopped gambling...if not...Think I'd have lost tonnes!!
(Yes...I am very superstitious!)

So I'm heading home to wash my eyes...and say my prayers for a good rest.

Times are Bad...:(

2009-04-20T08:04:00.004+08:00

"...Save what you can.."

Times are really going to the shits. There are 3 industries which are almost recession proof... "Food" "Education" "Health"... These 3 industries are necessities to the people of today. You will forever need 'doctors and medical supplies' for sustenance of health.... People tend to almost certainly send their kids to school for education....and most of all people need to EAT!!!

When the deliberation of starting the coffee shop started, I took into consideration these factors and decided not to start a 'restaurant' due to the slipping economic situation. I thought that by starting a low budget coffee shop would make it even more recession proof. So here I am today, feeling how REAL the recession is to the people these days.

Survey of other coffee shops has also revealed that their daily sales has dropped tremendously. Some even by half or more. I can't say that my business has dropped because I've only recently started so the 'sales trend' has not been established as yet...but sales has dropped regardless.
(if it continues like this...I'll never make my capital back!!...so won't be able to get married..)

I thought initially that I could be running the business wrongly and kept assessing and improving...but the truth is that people are not even willing to come out to eat these days.

Mostly, people are generally eating less outside and cooking at home, because cooking for a family is much cheaper in the long run. Singles and newly weds are still eating out though...however also not as much.

I have been thinking...Where have all the people gone?!...

3 possible answers:-

1) People are not coming out to eat these days and trying to save as much money as possible.
2) People are going to nicer restaurants because they can eat on credit. (Using the devil card named Visa or Master)
3) People are going through really bad times and don't even have money to eat.

"Hmm.. Maybe I should install a credit card machine here also at Two Billion...Imagine 'Chinese Tea' RM0.50 also wanna use credit card...haha "

So...Times are really really bad.
But the funny thing is.... when I had the time... I went to KL and had a look at the clubs and entertainment places, such as spas, massage parlours and bars.... FULL OF PEOPLE!!!
I've tried to rationalise...but I can't seem to understand.

Where do these people find the money to sustain such a lifestyle. Either they have really deep pockets, or Mommy and Daddy has really deep pockets or they are really paid a lot..

So go figure...If people were to see the situations in the entertainment places, they'd never believe that we are under-going a global recession. Drugs are on the rampant rise and people are willing to spend money buying these drugs....HOW COME!??!!...

Was told by my 'Fruit Stall' owner that girls working in 'Spas' or 'Health Centres' are now sending SMS's out to its regular customers selling them a 'Coffee Bean' sorta loyalty package...
5 'Happy Endings' and get 1 Free!!!... (can you fucking believe this!!?)

Anyway, whether the 'recession' is real or not to you guys... Just be careful where you spend your money!..OK!..

On a separate note, I think I've found a housemate to move in with me. Although not for much rent, but sure beats not having anything. We're still in discussion now but hopefully we can work out something. This should be fun!!...haha.
Thanks for helping with my laundry...bills and boiling soup!!...Hahaha..

Mr. Alloy...please don't be jealous ok!... Sorry....just a house mate.. I promise!
My heart belongs to someone else!...Trust me..

Until next update!!...Gotta watch You Tube now!

Whats with the over analysing?

2009-04-19T07:03:00.006+08:00

"..eh how ah..I got dilemma..."

It seems that the coffee shop has also caused a few people to come here and pour their hearts out about their love life...Mr. Alloy for one..(I'm sure you remember Mr. Alloy..who has gone into hiding in Perth, Australia).. and recently another fella...Phie Lote. (Again, name intentionally changed to conceal his true identity).

Ironically, Mr. Alloy seems to be receiving a lot of divine signs that the girl of his dreams (...maybe wet dreams) may be the one for him...or he should at least grow some 'marbles' to actually talk to her a little bit more. Apparently, he found his marbles for a short while...enough to actually SMS his dream girl asking about her foot..(so nice of him...as she hurt her foot a few days ago..)

Well done Mr. Alloy....your marbles are still small.. Hope they evolve soon into proper ones.
Hahaha.. Come back soon.. Don't hide anymore.

The second case.... I actually was threatened by Mr. Phie Lote not to blog about this.....But who the fuck cares!! If I don't do this...He'd probably not have the marbles to do anything about it.
So here goes... I'll lay out the story for you...

Boy likes girl. Girl goes away to study. Boy chooses to go over and visit. Boy hangs out with girl. Girl doesn't really react to Boy. Boy gets discouraged. Assumes the worst. Backs off.
MSNs the great Coffee Boy (...handsome fella summore). Tells the Coffee Boy about his dilemma.

Suddenly Coffee Boy becomes Dr. Love!!! (..WooHoo!!!)

Looking at the scenario which you have just explained to me, my assessment would be that you are suffering from a 'disease' called..

" Dum Chun Toi" syndrome.
This syndrome is basically caused by over exhaustive analysis which causes mental and emotional paralysis. Meaning in plain simple words... Your brain (...or lack thereof) is over working (hard to believe..) and you are drawing up all your own conclusions and therefore causing your 'marbles' to disappear into oblivion, which would cause you NOT to do anything about the situation. Then the golden opportunity slips away.. Then normally causes you to "Dum Chun Toi" or in English..bang the balls...!!

(hey...Dum Chun Toi also can mean "Doubly Stupid Boy"...DUM = dumb, CHUN = Stupid, and TOI = Boy ...both ways of looking at it also fits Phi Lote's case)

What ever the situation is.... just do what you are supposed to do. Like Mr. Alloy....Grow some marbles. Confidence in yourself is key. Just tell the girl how you feel and maybe in the future she'll at least see your genuine feelings and give you a 'bloody' chance?! If not, then it would feel much better to get the feeling out knowing that you've told her!!!!...Duh!!

Don't forget my potato chips when you get back....CIPET!

Nothing else happened today at the shop... Its really getting very warm these days.
I'm really considering extending a canopy to cover the side area so that I can move the 'stalls' to the outside where there is more ventilation. That way there will be more tables for the people and the 'heat' can escape from the back...
Good idea?!...I certainly hope so.. I need the Municipal Council to quickly approve the extension plans.. (..because I am a very law abiding citizen)

Anyway, got an SMS from a friend today...very romantic... wish I thought about it earlier.

"If you asked me which was more important to me...YOU or my LIFE?
I would say that my LIFE was more important...
You'd then walk away disappointed but not knowing that
.....My LIFE is YOU..!!"

Whoa... My reply to that message was that...

"If She asked me that question, I'd say She was more important because without her...My Life would mean nothing.."

Double WHOA!!!...Even more 'Geli'...hahhaha..

Anyway...STOP FREAKING ASKING ME WHEN I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!
MIND YOUR OWN FREAKING BUSINESS!!!....(...assholes)

International Direct Mail Award Winner for best idea..

2009-04-18T07:23:00.005+08:00

"...worthy of an award.."

Imagine the people who come up with these gimmicks for the 'Ah Longs' these days. They are really becoming more and more sneaky with their tactics of introducing people to their services these days. It used to be just stickers, banners and flyers last time and people did not want to take a second look at the material because it just started to flood the streets and became an eyesore.

Nowadays, they have advanced themselves and have started circulating 'direct mailers'.
These direct mailers tend to capture the attention of people these days.
It sure as hell caught mine..got this in the mail at the DVD shop...haha..
Have a look...

They however need to get a 'spelling and grammar' check or a proof reader at least before they send it out for printing and circulation.. However, the idea was quite interesting..hahha..

Long Live the Ah Longs...!!

Tonight is Foosball Night...

2009-04-16T16:25:00.003+08:00

May not blog tonight...cause I'll be at a Foosball Tournement..
Whats the point of playing if I'm not allowed to win...?????
Just for the fun of it...I'll win first place...but I won't take the money!

I'll follow EZan RAmen's advice...

"Money you take....Glory I take...I just want to prove to you that I'm the best!!!"

Hahaha....Guess its going to be fun fun fun tonight..

Anyway... I feel that I have to send out a formal apology to a special someone whom I promised to meet at the coffee shop yesterday... I've been feeling really guilty after some self-reflection on the topic... I never used to be like this... I always showed up if I promised..

But...but... I really fell asleep after I bathed...and my phone dropped on the floor without me knowing (I remember kicking it...:)..) I really wanted to make it...but I just lost consciousness.
I hope you will accept this humble and honest apology from me. I'll make it up to you somehow in the near future ok...

So sorry.. I know you came a great long distance to meet....and I FFK-ed you..
I know it was a long drive from the ghetto....but...but...I LOVE THE GHETTO!!...its a nice place...haha..

Don't be angry anymore ok.. Will grow old faster you know...
OK?...

There...an apology made public..:)

What women want...

2009-04-16T09:32:00.003+08:00

" 5 C's....Right?"

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to the women who will and may read this blog. While this post may sound a little crude and bias towards women.. I'd like you all to know that:-

a) I have nothing against women.. in fact..I love them..They are important to men. (I'm sure all the men with partners would fearfully agree...)
b) The posting is not meant to degrade or insult women in any way as I have the utmost respect for women all across the world...
c) This blog is about the ramblings of a coffee boy and what he thinks about in the shop...any offense caused is purely innocent and should not be held against me..OK?? (..promise ah~?)

OK...here goes.....

During these sad sad months that have passed... I've had the time to think about what women want.. (Eh.. I said think about....I didn't say I understand..ok..).. and most nights in the shop I constantly get people trying to ask me if I'm married or if I'm ready to get married... (what the fuck!..can't they just mind their own business!?..hahha)

So it has got me thinking...What do women truly want...(if you know...quick come tell me..)
Some people have been talking about the 5 Cs which women look for in men..

Cash...Car...Condo...Career...
Credit card.

However, I seem to believe that women today look for far more than 5Cs... They've evolved to looking for 9 Cs now.. Don't believe?...Let me elaborate...

6) Club Membership
"...so they can hang out and relax and eat at the expense of the guy..."

7) College Degree
"...so their partners are knowledgeable as compared to others..."

8) Character
"...chivalrous, humourous, honest, loyal, caring..the list will never end.."

9) Cock (haha...sounds crude..but yeah!)
"...I know its not about having it as all men do.....its about what it can do...:).."

I have even said this before to the regulars here and have shared my thoughts on this topic over some 'Yum Cha' sessions... They seem to agree totally.. Even the ladies agree that those are some of the things they look for la.... But then ladies being ladies, they will try to argue that its not that simple to categorize and generalize these assumptions that wan...(blah blah blah..)

They tend to say things like..."Not only that la..."....."where got like that??..."
But we all know that its true...(right guys?...come on..support a bit la..basket!!)
Not only are the assumptions above true in Malaysia...it is true across the world!!
Hahaha...

I honestly believed so...that ladies are so looking for those 9Cs.
But these days...I begin to doubt it already... I have all the 9Cs...
BUT AM STILL SINGLE!!!..hahhaa...what a loser..hahha...
(so maybe my perception about what women are looking for has been wrong...haha..)

So in the past few months I have tried to achieve an upper hand over the other guys out there with the 9Cs......
I have a secret 10th one which very rarely women would find a guy with... Only an 'elite' few would have this 10th C...
So we are even more rare....and an even more valuable catch!!!...

COFFEE SHOP!!! ....."what?!...you others got meh??...hahhahaah"

(...thats one for us Kopicais in the world!!!)

Hhahaha.... YAY!!!...

Gotta go...Got stomach ache!!

Where everyones problems become yours ...

2009-04-15T20:52:00.004+08:00

"...can you help me?.."

Do I freaking look like a Help Desk Personnel to you?!!
I tell you guys...ever since I started this place I've been sorting out peoples issues on a daily basis.
Although people say its good to help people...but I can't seem to think that "why can't these people use their brains and help themselves".
Its getting pretty tiring... really.

"Drugs...Money...Women...Egos...
Money...Drugs....Stupidity...
Gambling...Brainlessness...Squabbles...
Arguments...Responsibility.."

Again.. Do I freaking look like a Help Desk Personnel to you?!?!.. Or a Priest??...
I don't think so right?!..

So... please help yourselves...cause I cannot keep helping you.
I can't even help myself!!!

....phew.. There..I got that out of my system...hahha..
Back to the happy stuff.....

Yesterday, I received an MSN message from my friend "Yamelee"...(again name changed to hide the true identity..haha) and it was funny to see that her MSN subnick was something like "Smile like you mean it.."...

I so agree with that statement. People nowadays are so fake its sickening. Gone are the days where people are genuine and truly nice. People tend to take people for granted and try to be fake to be liked. But the smarter people know that you people won't last long. You'd probably burn out soon from being such 'fakers' and your true colours will come out and then you'll lose everything.. Hahaha..

Err... wait. This excludes my 'I hate you shirt'.... Hahaha..
Because I smile...but I also tell you that 'I Hate you!!!'...so I'm still genuine ok!
Hhahaha....Probably the only genuine person left in the area...hahhaha..
(I can imagine the freaking insults that would come flying via sms, c-box and comments about this statement...)
Too bad... I believe so..hahha..

Anyway, business has been quiet these few days because the 'Hokkien Mee' fella has been 'on leave'. But the good thing is that the 'Western Food cum Italian food' guy has opened. Haha... I've tasted the stuff and its "GOOOOOOOD!!!..."
With real bacon and stuff!!...Yummy Yummy... I feel like eating the stuff now.
Imagine eating 'Spaghetti Carbonara' with a bottle of cold beer....WOOOHOOO!!!..
(only that ..I don't drink..haha)

And...I just got the pictures of the Lion Dance of the grand opening. Thanks to Mr. Yau Char Kwai....for bringing it back to me. Although late...but at least it came..
Probably my next post will be that topic...unless something interesting comes about tonight..

Well, I'm heading out to the shop now.. And for all the regulars... I'll see you guys there shortly. Time to Eat, Laugh and be 'married'...sigh..hhahha..
I miss you..princess!!...

Patience..

2009-04-14T11:39:00.003+08:00

"..Smile...and the world smiles back at you.."

What a load of bullshit... Do you know that I have tried to service the customers with a smile and all they do in return is just look away.. I tell you. This has to be my greatest challenge in the entire venture of this business...Haha..
Every time I try to be nice, these 'special' customers behave like 'I owe them something'...Goodness me..

A few days ago, I felt like just throwing a punch at one customer for giving my staff such a hard time and then he still wanted to be 'agro' about it. Came to the counter and yelled!.. At first, I took what he said and just became very apologetic...I even said sorry many many times in 1 sentence...
I said something like this..

"Sorry sir for the mistake of my staff.. It could be that he did not understand what you meant. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience.... I'm very appreciative of you telling me your dissatisfaction... I'm so sorry again and I will rectify it for you immediately...In fact, I'll do it my self..."

Guess what he said to me...

"I don't care!.. You shouldn't apologise for him... He should be smart enough to know what to do... I think you should teach your workers properly. I tell you ah... you lucky today I'm in good mood..(woooooh....Imagine him on a bad day...) if not I will slap your worker!.."

I was very surprised at my patience and response... check it out..

"Mr... My workers fault is also my fault. Thats why I apologise. I'm really lucky that I have you as a very honest customer to tell me how he really feels. I'm also lucky that you are in a good mood..Don't la slap my worker.. Let me buy you a drink to say 'sorry' again...And I smiled"

FUYOH....I tell you...That took alot out of me.. For those who know me, I never used to be that calm and polite. Previously, the moment I felt that the person was out of line, I'd give the fella a piece of my mind and probably knock his lights out...
Summore... that guy had to cheek to tell me that 'I was lucky that he was in a good mood...'
Goodness...That really tested my patience...hahhaa..

But... I succeeded!! I was calm, cool and collected in addressing a very aggresive situation..
(Thank you LCMY..you have kept me focused on patience...haha)

So now, I've come across the perfect piece of attire to explain how I feel most of the time when I'm smiling!!..
Have a look...hahhahaha...

On a separate note, it seems someone from Carlsberg read this blog... (if you remember the 2nd post in March)... I was quite pissed at the Area Rep for looking down on my business and i decided to go with Tiger instead of Carlsberg. Well, someone noticed and sent the word upwards to the management I guess...and they called me to apologise.. (I was quite honoured and surprised that they'd know about the bashing blog post..)

Well, all I can say is that ...it nothing personal. Its just business.
Maybe they shouldn't look down on anyone from now on... Give every business and equal chance. But..what the heck.. All is forgiven..??

BIG BIG SMILE!! :)

Hahaha....geddit geddit!?

Danger Lurking for Snatch Thieves!!

2009-04-13T04:57:00.004+08:00

Breaking News..

For the very first time in the history of this coffee shop, a customer's bag was snatched by a Malay man from the front of the shop. She was a customer just having her chill out session when the asshole struck. No one knew that her bag was snatched as she did not raise an alarm at all. The fucker did it so quickly that it was almost impossible to react in time..

I did not get a chance to extract a clearer video from the CCTV recorder as yet... but here is a video which you can see roughly how fast it was and what happened...

It all happened really quickly. I missed it all because I was sleeping in the office in preparation for the graveyard shift. I felt really bad for the lady and all I could do was round up a few boys immediately and helped her try to look around the 1km radius to see if that 'motherfucker' disposed of her belongings or not.. But..No luck..

All I could do after that was to give her a pack of Kent cigs to calm her nerves down.
Poor thing..

Attention to all customers.. (especially ladies and slender males)

Please be careful of your belongings no matter where you are drinking or having your dinner.
The management (meaning me...) will not be held liable for any misfortunes on the premises.
However, the management's securities group will be increasing our patrols of the coffee shop premises to try to make the place a safer dining destination.

However, I must inform that should the security personnel of the coffee shop catch any of these 'mother fucking sorry excuse for a piece of shit' thieves, please forgive us for the 'violence' which may befall the perpetrators.
We are well armed...

To all patrons, do feel free to join in the 'violence'. Only encouraged in this coffee shop.
No mercy for these 'Ham Kar Chans'...

Anyway... I'm quite pissed off...
I endeavour to cut off these muthafuckers hands and fingers off...and make them eat it.

AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Why is it?...These phenomenons..

2009-04-12T12:12:00.002+08:00

Weirdness...

Why is it every year leading up until Easter Sunday... rain will come pouring?
Maybe its because God is reminding us that He was also very sad that Jesus was going to be 'stapled' on the cross... I think Easter Sunday also will rain!!...
But Jesus rose already wert... God shouldn't be sad anymore right?..
Anyway, well see... Cause today is like a microwave in the shop!
Why pay more for a sauna treatment when you can have lunch at Two Billion...haha..

Another phenomenon..

Why is it that every Sunday morning, a bunch of old men, will come here and order 1 pot of hot water... Sit and talk for hours even if they can see that the place is filling up..
Imagine... I open a shop and charge you RM1.00 for a pot of water... and you sit for 2-3 hours..
OMG!! I can't kick them out also...

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that every coffee shop will have their own group of 'Ah Longs' who will make the place their base?. Almost every coffee shop will definitely have a bunch of them sitting there every morning from 10am-12.30pm.. They they all leave at once. You may ask how I know they are 'Ah Longs'.....Its because I know them...hahaha..
Thank goodness that these bunch are heavy beverage drinkers... They are good customers.

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that people who drive nice cars (e.g. Mercedes and BMWs) don't like to pay for their car installments?.. It was really funny when one of the customers car was being 'repossessed' and I had to intervene and stop the guys from taking the car from him. It was embarassing for him...cause I think over 50 pairs of eyes were watching. It was like 'Entertainment for the Day'.. Wish I got a picture..sigh.. it was hilarious..

7 months of non-payment. What the fuck!! You can drive such an expensive car...but you can't afford to pay the installments. Why don't you just pass the keys to me.. and I'll give you some money for the taxi ride home la. I'll even 'tapau' some Char Siew Paus for you!

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that the Tom Yum Noodles stall owner can go on holiday to Bali for 4 days with his girlfriend...and I can't even get away to play badminton for like 2 hours. Why is it that they have the time to go clubbing and I can't even sleep for 5 hours undisturbed?
KNNCCB!!

...After all the ramblings and shit...I've resigned to the fact that this is my retribution for all the things I've done in my life. Now is my time to repay my debts to nature and society...
I'm sorry for being such a menace in the past.. Now... I'm a lover of peace. (Until you piss me off..)

Ah...wait... one more.
This one takes the 'fucking' trophy of phenomenons..

Why is it that people who drive big freaking luxury cars can come and tell me that my 'Kopi Ping' is 10 sen more expensive than the coffee shop further down?... Why is it that they can squabble over 10 sen for a 'tapau'. I charge RM1.60 for 'Kopi Ping' and RM 1.70 for a 'take away'... Is it really that expensive?!?

For your information.. Possible breakdown of cost per 'Kopi Ping'..
Tangible Costs -
Coffee Powder - RM 0.20
Water - RM 0.10
Ice - RM 0.10
Milk - RM 0.20
Condensed Milk - RM 0.20
Straw - RM 0.05
Subtotal - RM 0.85

Intangible costs -
Washing detergent to wash the glass - RM 0.05
Washing water - RM 0.05
Worker Pay - RM 0.10
Gas to boil water - RM0.05
Electricity - RM 0.01
Cashier Pay - RM 0.15
Subtotal - RM 0.41

Don't need profit ah????!??!!... Cost is already RM1.26 already. Profit of RM 0.34 also cannot meh?!?!?!...HAH!!!...
If tapau, plastic bag no need money ah?...the string to tie the bag no need money ah?.. Summore sometimes take another 'pink' bag to carry the drink leh?..
No need money meh?!?!?....
Come on.... give me chance la.. I'm just a lonely coffeeboy who wants to save money to get married... YOU ALL DON'T WANT ME TO GET MARRIED MEH!???...Shit..

Sigh..anyway.. I'll write again later la.
I've already let off some steam...

Yay!!.. Hot chick.!....Brb...

Sickening..

2009-04-11T17:49:00.003+08:00

SICKENING!!...

I have nothing to say today..
Except 10 things..

1) I'm tired.

2) I'm pissed.

3) I'm disappointed.

4) I'm agitated.

5) I'm speechless.

6) I value unbroken promises.

7) I respect virtues which can't be found in youth today.

8) I wish to get away from all the bullshit.

9) I had enough of priorities.

10) I'm losing it.

Don't push me...

Lets go Disco!!

2009-04-11T06:07:00.013+08:00

After a Long 'Hard' Day....

As many of my regular customers may already know, my morning cashier.. (the sohai's replacement) has served her last day. Her reason for leaving is that some 'dark skinned' fella near her hostel has been harassing her... I wonder why she didn't tell me about it earlier.
I would have gone over there and skinned his 'dark skin'...
Hmm... Maybe thats why..

Anyway, long story short...she's gone..

So what happens now is that I have to take over the morning shift now.. Which means I again have to be up for 17 hours because at night, I still need to be around for 'safety' and public relation reasons. (cheh...like super important like that)

As the day began, I was already feeling a little tired and sleepy..so I had to come up with a super 'mou lieu' game which I could play with myself without people knowing...

Here's how the game went....

I started the day with only 2 pieces of 20 sen. Haha...yeah..only 2.

So the whole day, I just kept collecting 20 sen coins without giving any of them out. You know when you pay for something like Milo Ice (RM 1.80)...instead of giving a single 20 sen as change, I'd give two 10 sen coins.. Hhahaha...
As the quantity continued to increase.. I was caught several times smiling and laughing to myself..
(I swear I saw a few aunties looking at me funny and probably whispering to themselves.."Eeyeer...this 'lou sai' crazy wan err...talking and smiling to himself"...hahaha..)

Sigh... so there goes my chances of asking the ladies to introduce me to their daughters.
Probably will need some 'Match-making services' soon....

But screw that.. at the end of the day... TADA!!!!!!
See how many 20 sens I collected?... Even my mom gave me a worried look when I told her about what I have been doing the whole day..
I'd call it "Project 20 sen"....

Again... my mother walked away.. shaking her head in despair.. Sigh...Sorry Mom.

So as the day came to the time where I could get off work... I just mentioned to some of the boys hanging around here and said... "Come on...Lets go disco!!"...
The fuckers got a little over excited and started calling everyone and telling them "Wei...He said go clubbing..." Haha.... So I also felt itchy a little and agreed to hit the 'Asian Heritage Row'.
I said to them.. " We shall hit Bar Savahn first, then work our way down the street..."

Those fuckers started laughing and said .. "Eh uncle...So long already no more Bar Savahn..."
Could you imagine my embarassment...Hahaha... Summore I was just telling them how happening I can be... Kekkee... So again, we made plans to go down at night...
So I told them... "Now is 5.40pm... I'll go back and sleep now...and wake up at 10pm and we'll go disco!!!"

I tell you... these bunch of naive S.O.Bs....actually believed me. Hahaha...
Yup you guessed it... I went back... and lost conciousness!!! 32 phone calls and 6 SMS's couldn't even make me wake up... Hahaha... I regained conciousness at around 12am. I returned some calls and found out that 'naive SOBs' were already at the club in 'Heritage Row'.
So I felt bad and told myself...

"OK...Change and Go.. Come back by 3am to do closing at the shop"

..... and I really got ready to hit the clubs!~~

Until I got one phone call to assist someone with minor car trouble. So called the bunch at the club and told them I'd be delayed a little... But as I got to the 'minor car trouble scene'... .......

THIS IS NOT MINOR!!!

So this was what held me up la.... Honest.. I really would have gone!
Through out the whole time... The 'naive' SOBs were calling me to hurry up...
...the next time I knew...it was already 2.40am...Haha..
Then I got this phone call from a one very angry SOB...Mr. EZan RAmen
This was how the call went...
(again...name changed to hide the true identitiy of the caller...AHAHHAHAH)

EZR: Hello..Uncle... I gave up sex for you!!...

CoffeeBoy: What the fuck??.. (imagine my facial expression about finding out my friend is Homosexual)

EZR: You know ah...(burp)... I could have been having sex right now...BUT BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!.....I came to Heritage Row. I had a chick's birthday today... Which I set aside... (Burp..) to come and club with you... And what do you do??... YOU FFK ME!!...

CoffeeBoy: Serious?... Sorry la... Maybe I FFK you...and you lost the chance to have sex.. But you can always go back and TFK!!.. Haha...

EZR: NO!!.. (burp..) I waited in Two Billion since 8pm...and at Heritage Row since 10pm for you to come... NO!!...You didn't turn up... I gave up the chance to have sex!!!!...Just for you!!
....burp.. OOoOoOO....I'm so drunk!!

(by this time I was almost rolling on the ground laughing... It was like it was his only chance to get laid and I screwed it up for him...Hahaha)

Coffeeboy: Sorry.. I was really coming already. You don't believe...you come meet me and see that I'm all dressed to club already...

EZR: NOOOOOO!!!!... I gave up SEX for you!!! I could have gone to Quattro and turn it on with the birthday girl..Who is damn hot....BUT YOU!!!...YOU FFK me...and now caused me my chance to have sex!!... I gave up SEX for you!!.. I can't believe it.......(burp!)

(at this point...He sounded a little gay...don't you think!?...hahaha...)

Coffeeboy: Sorry la.. I make it up to you by publishing an apology on the blog...

(it was as if he was scared that I'd blog about him....that his tone changed..)

EZR: Eh...don't need don't need... I'm cool.. I'm going home...and I'll see you tomorrow. You will sure publish my name all wan... NO NO NO need...

Coffeeboy: No I won't publish your name.. I'll change it.. I'm sure people won't know who gave up sex for me...Haahhahaa...

EZR: EH...police police gotta go.. (burp!)

Hahaha..... What kinda phone call was that...
Sigh...anyway... I kept my promise!!.. I didn't reveal your name!
I only called you Mr. EZan RAmen.

Hahahha....Till the next clubbing night!!...

I've gotta get back to work already la.. Sigh..
It was an eventful night for me...
I hope it was for you too somehow Ezra...

Oops...My bad!

Fast and Furious 5 and a Half...

2009-04-09T06:57:00.008+08:00

"Who said nights were boring in Aman Suria...?"

Although business was quiet today (as always during the middle of the week)..
We still had a great time tonight. Lots of talking... Laughing... and even watched our very own 'Fast and Furious' version.. Wait and see...!!

Tonight, I went to the coffee shop only at about 2am. Because I stayed the whole morning and and the night before.. (so...I'm not lazy OK!)..
I was also delayed because I was 'busy' on the phone and rolling around my wonderfully comfortable bed... !!

Anyway, when I arrived, there were already many people there having supper and chit chatting. Some gamblers were waiting for the Champions League match between Liverpool and Chelsea...some just came to eat after getting off work. Suddenly... A friend said.. "I wanna drift..." ...so as hosts to the area, one of the guys (The defiant 'pau' stealer..if you remember him from the previous few posts...) offered the parking lot in front of the coffee shop as a stage for the drifting stunts...

So we made ourselves at home and just went in to fool around...
Have a look...

ONLY IN AMAN SURIA...!!!

...Until sparks came out..!!.. Tires were already balding la..

Other than that...nothing else interesting..
No jokes today.. cause the silly joker did not come back today..

Again.... No 'Paus' were harmed in the making of this video..:)

Another shot...this time look out for the 'Sparks' behind the tires...:)

Anyway...today... SOLD OUT!!..

Lame....but fruitful day!...

2009-04-08T08:25:00.015+08:00

Today started off to a great start because I finally had a chance to sleep..

If you know me, you'd know that nowadays sleep is like a luxury which I can only enjoy occasionally.. But yesterday after feeling wonderful about my 'divine signs'...I smiled all the way home.. And this time when I slept... I missed 17 calls..and received around 12 SMSes. (Whoa...sounds happening eh?...Not really. Cause most of the calls were from people asking me to lend them money or give directions.. Do I freaking look like a freaking GPS device to you guys...KNNCCB!!.....:(...)

But there was one SMS from a very special person which said "Hey.. What are you doing?" . That was probably the only SMS which I felt sorry for not seeing it at that time.. Damn it..
But when I replied at 2.33pm (which was when I regained consciousness)...
No reply from that person..

So excitedly...I called moments later and that person said that she was driving...would call me back.....So I patiently waited... and ........YUP!! you guessed it..The call never came..
Its a wonder when the person which you would want to talk to the most would almost never keep the promise of calling back..sigh... Yet the people who you don't really wanna talk to...Keeps on freaking calling!..
So that basically ruined my day.... (..please imagine me feeling damn emotional and down..)

So reluctantly I headed to the shop... and business was rather on the quiet side.
(Maybe because it was kinda late already..)
So that added to my emo-ness. But as night continued on...it became quite interesting...
Here is how it went...

Firstly... We had a super 'drunk as hell' girl fall on her ass!! I honestly tried to not laugh because I was thinking of the possible lawsuit which would entail if she decided to sue my ass for falling in my premises...
(..But eventually remembered that this was Malaysia and everything is at your own risk..)

So I snickered a little.. But what got me was that her other friend, who was also pissed drunk...tried to save her friend's pride by trying to correct her skirt for her.....But ended up pulling the skirt way too high...then realised it was too high...then tried to correct it again by pulling it down....and then this time...WAY too low...

Yup you guessed it...I'm sorry..but by this time....I couldn't help it...I cracked...and burst into a 'try to keep it in' laugh....hahha.. Then after looking at the other people peeping... I felt bad and stood in front to block la.. (See..I'm not that BAD!)

But that marked the escalating events for the night....

Next... While just chatting with some friends, we decided to put a little wager on soccer as the UEFA Champions league Q-Finals were on at around 2.45am. But since I quit hard core gambling..
(I did it.. LCMY..I really quit gambling!.)

I decided to just buy score prediction!
I placed RM25 on a 2-2 score for the Manchester United and Porto game... and won 26 times my bet!!!...
Call me "Nostradamus" Leon....!!!

Then later in the night... another friend came and started sharing some kick ass jokes. The one that got to me the most was this one..

He went "You all know Superman?"
(for the people from the Ghetto...in case you don't know...Here's a picture...)

He then went... "Why the heck are his clothes always so tight??"

The rest of us were cracking our heads.... and none of us knew the answer...
Then he went..

"Because they are all 'S' sized!!"

Fucking hell...I cracked it again... I never heard that one before.. Although I should be ashamed of myself for not knowing... As I should know all the corny ass jokes in the world!!

Sigh...Anyway...it was a good night..overall..

By the way... No 'Paus' were lost in the making of this blogpost!

Divine Signs...Part 2!!

2009-04-07T06:49:00.010+08:00

Only Read if you've read PART 1....

Mr. Alloy then asked me "What about you...Why don't you find a girl?"
I just said.. I'm looking for the right one... and can't stop thinking about this super chick that I've secretly loved since 10 years ago!!..

For those people who know me well enough... I've always been raving about this 'one woman' that I'd be ever willing to devote my life to... and by now should know who I am talking about already.. I have even sworn to love her, cherish her and even marry into her family if she'd wanted..(sorry dad...).

I know I sound like a desperado...but I will admit to any names you want to call me.. if there was a chance to make her happy and fulfill her life... HAHAHA!!!

(okok...enough of professing my undying love for her...and back to the story)

So as Mr. Alloy was still on cloud nine about the 'Divine Sign'.... I received a very late SMS from this friend. Apparently he sent the message early in the morning but I only received it super late at night....

The SMS read..".... something something see StarTwo today..LOL"...
I did not understand so I called him and asked what was it about and he just said go and look.

LOW AND BEHOLD!!!!!....It was her!!

An entire feature article about her and what she's been doing these few months...
Hahaha...and even a personal section was covered about her hopes, dreams and difficulties...
GUESS WHAT!!!.... At the end of the article was this VERY SENTENCE!!!
TALK ABOUT DIVINE SIGNS!!!..
Don't believe??... Lets re-look at the scenario...

1) Mr. Alloy was talking about a sign...and the divine sign came.
2) Mr. Alloy asked me about me looking for a girl.... I said I am waiting for the right one.
3) Then an SMS which was sent at 9.32am this morning was delivered only at night...asking me
to look at StarTwo.
4) It had to be a picture of her...and it had to quote her saying that 'music to my ears' quote..

YOU DO THE MATH!!!...

I NOW BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD FOLLOW MY DREAMS...and that nothing should stop me from at least getting a chance to know her better and telling her how i feel...

I am going to.......

.......be like Mr. Alloy and do nothing about it...because I am similar to Mr. Alloy because I think I'll be 'kayu-fied' by her... and trust me...I have absolutely no problems talking to other women..:)

Sigh... A divine sign... but still no plan to take any action.. HELP ME GOD!!...

Hahaha...OK...time to sleep. Good night..

I FOUND THE PAU THIEVES..you're right..MORE THAN ONE!

2009-04-07T05:52:00.006+08:00

FINALLY!!...you assholes!

These two fellas... if it was not for a snitch I would never have suspected!!
I confronted them both and they admitted...FUCKERS!!!

After a confrontation with the both of them...one was ashamed (but still not remorseful) of himself...you'll see who...while the other was very defiant..(as some criminals are sometimes..)

This fucker...damn unremorseful. After years of looking out for him...he still wants to steal some 'paus' from me... Gave him a job... Bailed him out... etc..
Took don't know how many 'paus' from my shop... Sigh depressing!

This fella worse... Drives a BMW 5 series. STEALING PAU!!!
In this picture, he doesn't even dare to look at the camera.. (you know how you see in papers, when the cops raid the brothels and catch the men...they all try to cover their faces..)

Anyway... for your information... I'm demanding to collect compensation from them.
The amount payable back to the shop is as follows:-

14 Char Siew Paus =RM 19.60
2 Lo Mai Kais =RM 5.80
Sleepless nights =RM 7000
Interest =RM 12600
TOTAL TO PAY= RM 19,625.40 (since brother give discount 0.40...)

MUST PAY...If not I will start counting how many paus can fit up your asses!
KNNCCB!!
Pau stealing mystery solved and case closed. Consider yourselves warned!

On a separate lighter note....

THIS IS A VERY 'WEIRD and X-Files' LOVE STORY....

There was this very very very loyal customer (Mr. Alloy- name changed deliberately to protect the identity) who keeps on coming to my shop to share his woes about not being able to get a girlfriend. Recently he met this girl (also a customer) and apparently fell head over heels for this girl.. (Lets make her name Miss C). So he's been trying to talk to her for the longest time already...but keeps on 'freezing' up when he's around her....(eeyeerr...so sweet..like first love like that).

This Mr. Alloy keeps on bugging me to 'set him up' for a chance to speak to her but after constant sessions with her....his 'sei pan pan' (kayu-ness) tends to overwhelm him. So one day he actually followed the group out for an outing and 'heard' from one of her friends that she is not interested in him. OOOooOoOOO..... Mr. Alloy became even more emotional that the next few times he came to the shop and watched HBO...he'll start cursing the show if its a love story playing... Hahaha.. (Even my Myanmese staff couldn't stop laughing at him)...

So our depressed Mr. Alloy basically gave up hope. A few of us tried to convince him that since he didn't get the rejection from her directly... Don't give up hope so easily. Even gave him examples such as "Most hot chicks end up with fat and rounded guys". This theory is proven by the argument that handsome guys are intimidated by hot women because their egos tend to fear the rejection if it happens.

So he said eventually... "Ok... give me a sign that I should continue and not run away to Australia"... I didn't know what divine sign would convince him otherwise.. So we continued talking her and him without even saying her name once also. This was purely because the other person who was talking with us didn't know the girl's name.

Then suddenly Mr. Alloy said to the other guy.. "Eh... lend me your phone...I wanna send something over to my phone..." So Mr. Alloy turned on the bluetooth function and tried to send a file over to his phone...

GUESS WHAT CAME OUT!! (you know when you send bluetooth files...you have to accept the file transfer...)

TA DA!!!... Low and behold.. the other guys girlfriend shares the same name as Mr. Alloy's dream girl!!... Hahah.. It was hilarious! None of us knew what both girls names were...

So I looked and Mr. Alloy and said.. THERE IS YOUR DIVINE SIGN!!
HAHAHHAHAA.... Fucking funny wei!

You should have seen Mr. Alloy's face turn 'chilli' red...and the smile came on his silly face.
Who is to say there is no divine sign in the world!!

At least now you know Mr. Alloy's dream girl's name...:)

......Thats only part 1 of the 'weird and X-files' love story...

PART TWO... next post!!

Today is a super headache day..

2009-03-31T05:56:00.004+08:00

ALL BAD!!...NOTHING GOOD...

People argue la.. People break-up la... People drunk and angry la..
People in drug-related trouble la.... People owe money la..
People heart ache la... People sick la..

All of them suddenly felt like coming to this 'harmless' coffeeshop...
Then make me depressed summore... How la...Tell me how?

At least I've got my super duper blog for me to let go some steam..

Leave me alone!!!...If not, I'll send this fella to come look for you!!

Hahaha... Actually this picture damn funny lor... Can't believe that this fella actually did it..
Thinking about it also makes me laugh already...
Tell me you idiots didn't laugh when you saw this picture...hahhaa...

Anyway, business is getting back to usual with the up and down sales.. Making me a little worried.. Sigh... What can I do to push the sales a little higher... (Apart from hiring some hot chicks to pour beer...)

But I'm still surviving... Trying to sort out my life and business..
Think my folks are worried that I can't get married... Keep on telling me things like..."Why don't you go out more...Meet your friends la... Who boiled soup for you?..."
Hahaha... Take a chill pill man.. I'm not ready..

Anyway, I told them...

"Look... Don't worry about my life... I'm no longer a high profiled Account Director... Now only a salary-less 'Kopi Chai'... So I cannot go look for a girl as yet... A girl will come.. Maybe come to the coffeeshop and start helping out...Then maybe she's the one"

They almost fainted... Then told me the same thing they told me 10 years ago..

"GONE... You are gone.. GONE CASE"...

Told them...If all fails... There is always the internet..

www.orderawifefromanywhere.com :)

RIGHT!!!????.....Hahaha...

(Parents shaking head and walking away...)

BEWARE!!! ...Stupid Pau Stealer...I'm watching you!!

2009-03-30T06:13:00.002+08:00

I'm watching you...KNNCCB!!
One fine day... I'm going to catch you...and when I do... I want to see how many Lo Mai Kai can fit into that asshole of yours... You are smart not to steal these few days... Cause I've been watching even when I'm not at home....

I know you're a blog reader!!.. Just be careful.

The pleasures of having WI-FI and technology... I get to go home...and still watch the shop to see if anyone is doing any 'hanky-panky'...
Its only delayed by 1.4 seconds if you are streaming at home..

So...just watch out..

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!!!

Freaking Irresponsible Cashier!!.. I Kill You!!

2009-03-30T02:44:00.009+08:00

Its been a long while that I haven't updated this blog... YOU KNOW WHY?
Let me tell you why...

"I fired the freaking morning shift cashier!!"

So... I have to take over the morning shift and night shift for almost two freaking days. I didn't get to sleep. That pissed me off even more... Then due to that...my 'facial period' came... The freaking sinus attacked and that almost killed me... This was the first time in my life that I fired someone via sms.. Here's the sms..

"Good Morning, due to irregular performance and sluggish attitude, the management of this coffeeshop no longer requires your services. You may collect the balance of your pay for the past 7 days amounting to RM150. The management will inform you of the time and date when you should collect your severance pay. Thank you."

Hahhahaa..... Kidding... Here's the real sms..

"You are so irresponsible that it makes me sick. I'm very tired of having to tell you so many times about your laziness and always giving excuses. If you are not going to be responsible... You don't have to come to work anymore. Thank you.. I don't want to see your face here ever again... Your salary I will still pay you up till yesterday. You come collect when I'm ready..if not I worry for your safety.."

So that was that.. One motherfucker...GONE!...
But these things always have a silver lining.... If I didn't fire the slug's ass...I would not have had a chance to eat the 'Mixed Rice' which everyone has been talking about...YUMMY!!..
I waited for the fellas to finish cooking then only I took the picture...
Have a look.....

Today, there wasn't any gossip for me to bitch about... Just had a quiet night with some friends here at the shop and even found the time to sing 'Happy Birthday' to one of my boys at my DVD shop... Hahaha..
He was 'jammed' (if you know what I mean...).... blur as hell...cannot even walk straight.
The lyrics of the birthday song were almost sung like this...

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to ****
Here's some Ketamine for you...

Have a look..below at his 'jammed' face...(picture a bit dark)...

... he was so 'jammed' that he tried to clap to the song.. It was embarassing!!..hahha..

Hhaha... When we asked him to blow the candles...Cannot blow also..
Stupid idiot... Cannot even walk straight...

Hahha.... Anyway, business has started picking up again after a very quiet few days..
So the smile is back on my face... and I am grateful for my family who has been so nice to come help out so that I have a chance to sleep..

It was good to have the chance to go home and get a good bath... and a nice dump :)
Hahaha...trust me...lots of shit came out...hahha..
One day I'll take a picture and post it too...

Until the next gossip comes along...

The 'Pau Stealer' must be my blog reader!

2009-03-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

Today... No Paus were lost!!
Stupid asshole STOPPED!

So far the sales for the Pau and Dim Sum tallies with the computer system..
My threats on this blog must have helped...hahha..

Anyway... today I was the king at eavesdropping!!..
I overheard a very interesting topic...I thought it was pretty brilliant..
It all started with a statement....

"Generally, Indians and Chinese people have the smallest dicks... But the good side to it is that they tend to have the most sex in the world"

I overheard this two fellas talking about this topic...so how can you not eavesdrop right?!?!!

Well, this guy was telling his friend that he is quite confident that as a chinese man (with a small ass penis..:) ), he'll have no issues with sex..

However his friend was rather puzzled and started laughing... I honestly couldn't control my laughter too...and imagine the 'Killer Stare' that came from the 'small penis' guy....hahaha..
Then I apologised...and joined in eventually by asking why would Chinese and Indians have the most sex....

He replied.....

"Generally, only the Europeans and Foreigners have huge ass dicks which are super limp!!.. But then the asians particularly the Chinese and the Indians have small "but super hard" dicks.. compared to the damn Caucasians and Blacks...of course.."

(to be honest...I was getting impatient to know why Chinese and Indians get the most sex...)

So eventually he said....

..."Have you ever noticed that the 2 biggest populations in the world are Chinese and Indians?"

I couldn't help it but I just started laughing!!!... But it is true...!

So that made me pretty happy that I'd be getting my fair share of action in this life....until I spoke to a special friend...and told her about this joke..
My goodness...She laughed but then told me that only applies to the people in India and China..

NOT TO MALAYSIANS...

Then in my heart..."FUCK!!...that explains my lack of 'extra-curricular' action.."

Basket.... Thanks for killing my short-lived happiness.
That spoilt the rest of my night... depression set in again..HHahhaaa...

Anyway... I've gotta work overtime tomorrow as the silly morning shift cashier has issues again.
Its getting fucked up.. Time to put on the "I'm about to fire your ass" face for him to see..

Well...customers..!! YAY... I'll blog another time.

I'm Too Depressed to Write something today..

2009-03-26T11:32:00.002+08:00

I'm too depressed today...

I lost 14 different 'pau' and 1 Lo Mai Kai...

I'm going to kill you 'Pau Thief'....I'll get you!

I'll bitch tomorrow...

Why now only wanna 'Suck Up'??...Assholes!

2009-03-25T02:53:00.006+08:00

When I was doing the planning and running around getting the stuff ready for the coffeeshop, I was making enquiries with the beer boys on who would help me with the frontal signage and fridges and etc... So naturally, I called Carlsberg...and you know what they told me??.. The conversation started as below:-

Coffeeboy: Hello, are you the area representative for Carlsberg in Aman Suria??

Carlsberg: Yes?..Hold on ah...
(then he started to talk to his gf on the another phone in Cantonese...while i waited about 2 mins) Yeah...Who this?

Coffeeboy: I'm starting a coffeeshop and want to ask if Carlsberg is interested sponsoring a fridge and the shop signage. I'm prepared to only sell Carlsberg beers and its other brands.. What do I need to do to get these things sorted?

Carlsberg: Oh...where ah?..Aman Suria ah?.. Here already got alot of coffeeshops oh...We all ah...Carlsberg ah...got so many with us already.. I tell you.. This area ah...cannot sell alot beer wan... I don't think you can meet our minimum requirement for us to sponsor your shop la.. 60-80 crates you know...I don't think your business can handle that la... Summore new, how can we at Carlsberg invest so much into something that we cannot confirm profit?

Coffeeboy: Why don't you come meet me first then I can tell you my plans on what I intend to do? Maybe we can make an arrangement la.. You never know right?

Carlsberg: Meet ah?...I'm very busy wan you know.. How can I never know?... I know wan.. This area ah...business is around 30 crates you very good edi lor.. If you don't reach the target ah...then got penalty la...this la..that la...Susah for me.

Coffeeboy: So means that you are not interested to discuss also la.. Really cannot help? I think can sell 50-70 crates la.. No problem..

Carlsberg: Whoa!!!... Can or not your business... Let me advise you la... You take the beer from us first...then we see how la. No one call and ask straight for sponsorship wan. I don't think you can reach so high also your sales...

(...at this point I was getting quite insulted already...)

Coffeeboy: So how?.. You don't want to meet to hear my suggestion also?. So Carlsberg not interested to work with me to start this business la?...

Carlsberg: Meet cannot la. Talk on the phone can la. Nevermind la... You try to call other people and see...They will also tell you same thing wan.. You start your business then we see how..

Coffeeboy: OK la...nevermind la.. Thank you. Bye.

So long story short.... I called Guiness Anchor and they gladly came to discuss with me on the possibilities... They were upfront about what they could do for me and what they couldn't and even explained why... I really respected that. Even the Area Sales and National Sales Director came to see me to hear about my 'small' venture. They were very helpful... Gave me everything I asked for eventually... and really believed in the business..

So when the shop opened... Booming business (grinning...).
Guess what..... Along came this Carlsberg fella... and asked one of the workers.."Boss where?"
So eventually I found the time to meet this fella... (after about 20 mins of him waiting around).

Here is the conversation (full of sarcasm...muahaha..my forte)

Carlsberg: Boss, hello..remember me?.. You call me last time ask about Carlsberg wan..

Coffeeboy: You ah?.. I remember. Whoa..you so busy got time to come to my small business meh?.. My business not good enough for you big boys la. What are you doing here? I got beer supplier already.. Cannot see the sign meh?....TIGER!!

Carlsberg: Yeah meh?..( pretentiously look at the signboard )... Oh yeah hor.. But nevermind wan....can still sell Carlsberg mah. Why don't you try taking from me? I give you a good deal..

Coffeeboy: Whoa...Good deal wor... How come last time I ask you to discuss you don't want? Now, you wanna come and discuss ah?.. No point la... I won't sell Carlsberg here. I've already got a deal with Tiger. Save your time for your other Carlsberg outlets la.. My business so small.. Only sell about 80 crates... Carlsberg won't want la...I got small business only la.

Carlsberg: Aiya boss, now business good ma... So I come see you lor.. Maybe can sell mah..

Coffeeboy: Haha... I think you better go la. Don't waste your time. If only you'd been genuine enough when I called you before... Maybe I'd be taking the beer from you. Now... I don't want anything from you. I'm actually very angry with you... Look down on my business...now business good...only come and talk.

Carlsberg: Sorry la boss. I give you 2 crates for free. Being support of new outlet opening. Then maybe we can discuss our offer ma...

Coffeeboy: Whoa....Free wo??... I don't want anything from you all.. Free or not also nevermind. If I wanna sell Carlsberg, I'll buy. Anyway, I'm also very busy now.. I cannot talk to you. My small business must help Tiger sell more beers. You better go. Bye.. Thank you ah..

(in my heart...i really felt like i gave him the middle finger!!.... HAPPY OOOO!!!

But the fella still thick skin ooo.. He came a few times at night and tried to bring the 'Free Crates'... But I always chased him out..Haha..

Kept asking him... "Why?...No Sales this month ah?..Wanna push?.. I thought you busy ma.."

Until I think he 'Terasa' a little la... So he stopped trying to give the crates.

But...WAS I WRONG!... He was thick skinned enough to come when I wasn't around!!

He really gave the 2 free crates.

I'm still pissed at the Carlsberg fella.. Attitude all wrong.

So... I left the two crates in the store.. Haha..

Like this lor...and stacked some bottles on top of them..hahha..

Anyway, things have been good today.. Nothing much to bitch about..

Only the stoopid Carlsberg salesman.. Really pissed me off!..

Oh yeah... Today...Sales didn't tally... From the records, I sold 7 'Tai Pau'....but the computer only said sold 2.... and 25 'Char Siew Pau'....but computer only said 24...

Someone is ripping me off!!!...

Time to look at the CCTV... catch this 'Pau' stealing culprit...

Kick his ass!!

My First Post..

2009-03-24T00:45:00.010+08:00

The place where all the stories take place...Remember it...Love it..Go to it!.. If not...I'll kill you 'Two Billion' times....

This place started with a goal...a dream.. a future... Then very quickly the goals, dreams and future quickly disappeared late last year...

But it turned out well nonetheless and this coffeeshop started operations on the 20th of February 2009. But honestly speaking it was quite a rush getting the place started and getting everything started... paid many painful prices to get where it is today..

So today about a month into the opening of the shop.... I've found a new place to release all my irritation, pain, bitterness and complains... This shop has made me a very bitter person...hahha..

So from tomorrow onwards...I'll start bitching about the happenings at the shop.. About how business has been, about the different kinds of people which patronise the shop, about the hardships of being a coffeeboy or 'kopicai'...Still can't believe I left my steady paying job for this...Hahaha...

I miss an airconditioned office... and most of all..miss speaking ENGLISH!!...

I'm even beginning to talk like 'Myanmar' worker...YEEBEYWAH!!!....(ask your myanmar friends what that means...haha) Even starting to speak cantonese like a myanmar worker...
This blog should probably save my English proficiency...as I will endeavour to have ZERO grammatical errors..OK!?

And if you're wondering about where I find the time to do this?.....Its because the place is surprisingly empty today... Well its 1am though...BUT STILL!!!?.... I'm not used to the quietness..

Maybe it has something to do with the stupid 'Feng Sui' cat which someone gave me 'WITHOUT BATTERIES!!'...The stupid arm which is supposed to bring in the "CHOY!!"...or prosperity...DOESN'T MOVE!!
Thanks alot!..hahah.. Guess they forgot to put in the batteries..
Its from CMK...a silly 'balding' friend....hHhahaha...such an idiot!

Anyway...so much for firsts...

CUSTOMERS!!!....GOTTA GO!!..