Whats with the over analysing?

"..eh how ah..I got dilemma..."

It seems that the coffee shop has also caused a few people to come here and pour their hearts out about their love life...Mr. Alloy for one..(I'm sure you remember Mr. Alloy..who has gone into hiding in Perth, Australia).. and recently another fella...Phie Lote. (Again, name intentionally changed to conceal his true identity).

Ironically, Mr. Alloy seems to be receiving a lot of divine signs that the girl of his dreams (...maybe wet dreams) may be the one for him...or he should at least grow some 'marbles' to actually talk to her a little bit more. Apparently, he found his marbles for a short while...enough to actually SMS his dream girl asking about her foot..(so nice of him...as she hurt her foot a few days ago..)

Well done Mr. Alloy....your marbles are still small.. Hope they evolve soon into proper ones.
Hahaha.. Come back soon.. Don't hide anymore.

The second case.... I actually was threatened by Mr. Phie Lote not to blog about this.....But who the fuck cares!! If I don't do this...He'd probably not have the marbles to do anything about it.
So here goes... I'll lay out the story for you...

Boy likes girl. Girl goes away to study. Boy chooses to go over and visit. Boy hangs out with girl. Girl doesn't really react to Boy. Boy gets discouraged. Assumes the worst. Backs off.
MSNs the great Coffee Boy (...handsome fella summore). Tells the Coffee Boy about his dilemma.

Suddenly Coffee Boy becomes Dr. Love!!! (..WooHoo!!!)

Looking at the scenario which you have just explained to me, my assessment would be that you are suffering from a 'disease' called..

" Dum Chun Toi" syndrome.
This syndrome is basically caused by over exhaustive analysis which causes mental and emotional paralysis. Meaning in plain simple words... Your brain (...or lack thereof) is over working (hard to believe..) and you are drawing up all your own conclusions and therefore causing your 'marbles' to disappear into oblivion, which would cause you NOT to do anything about the situation. Then the golden opportunity slips away.. Then normally causes you to "Dum Chun Toi" or in English..bang the balls...!!

(hey...Dum Chun Toi also can mean "Doubly Stupid Boy"...DUM = dumb, CHUN = Stupid, and TOI = Boy ...both ways of looking at it also fits Phi Lote's case)

What ever the situation is.... just do what you are supposed to do. Like Mr. Alloy....Grow some marbles. Confidence in yourself is key. Just tell the girl how you feel and maybe in the future she'll at least see your genuine feelings and give you a 'bloody' chance?! If not, then it would feel much better to get the feeling out knowing that you've told her!!!!...Duh!!

Don't forget my potato chips when you get back....CIPET!

Nothing else happened today at the shop... Its really getting very warm these days.
I'm really considering extending a canopy to cover the side area so that I can move the 'stalls' to the outside where there is more ventilation. That way there will be more tables for the people and the 'heat' can escape from the back...
Good idea?!...I certainly hope so.. I need the Municipal Council to quickly approve the extension plans.. (..because I am a very law abiding citizen)

Anyway, got an SMS from a friend today...very romantic... wish I thought about it earlier.

"If you asked me which was more important to me...YOU or my LIFE?
I would say that my LIFE was more important...
You'd then walk away disappointed but not knowing that
.....My LIFE is YOU..!!"

Whoa... My reply to that message was that...

"If She asked me that question, I'd say She was more important because without her...My Life would mean nothing.."

Double WHOA!!!...Even more 'Geli'...hahhaha..

Anyway...STOP FREAKING ASKING ME WHEN I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!
MIND YOUR OWN FREAKING BUSINESS!!!....(...assholes)

International Direct Mail Award Winner for best idea..

"...worthy of an award.."

Imagine the people who come up with these gimmicks for the 'Ah Longs' these days. They are really becoming more and more sneaky with their tactics of introducing people to their services these days. It used to be just stickers, banners and flyers last time and people did not want to take a second look at the material because it just started to flood the streets and became an eyesore.

Nowadays, they have advanced themselves and have started circulating 'direct mailers'.
These direct mailers tend to capture the attention of people these days.
It sure as hell caught mine..got this in the mail at the DVD shop...haha..
Have a look...














They however need to get a 'spelling and grammar' check or a proof reader at least before they send it out for printing and circulation.. However, the idea was quite interesting..hahha..

Long Live the Ah Longs...!!

Tonight is Foosball Night...

May not blog tonight...cause I'll be at a Foosball Tournement..
Whats the point of playing if I'm not allowed to win...?????
Just for the fun of it...I'll win first place...but I won't take the money!

I'll follow EZan RAmen's advice...

"Money you take....Glory I take...I just want to prove to you that I'm the best!!!"

Hahaha....Guess its going to be fun fun fun tonight..

Anyway... I feel that I have to send out a formal apology to a special someone whom I promised to meet at the coffee shop yesterday... I've been feeling really guilty after some self-reflection on the topic... I never used to be like this... I always showed up if I promised..

But...but... I really fell asleep after I bathed...and my phone dropped on the floor without me knowing (I remember kicking it...:)..) I really wanted to make it...but I just lost consciousness.
I hope you will accept this humble and honest apology from me. I'll make it up to you somehow in the near future ok...

So sorry.. I know you came a great long distance to meet....and I FFK-ed you..
I know it was a long drive from the ghetto....but...but...I LOVE THE GHETTO!!...its a nice place...haha..

Don't be angry anymore ok.. Will grow old faster you know...
OK?...

There...an apology made public..:)

What women want...

" 5 C's....Right?"

Firstly, I'd like to apologize to the women who will and may read this blog. While this post may sound a little crude and bias towards women.. I'd like you all to know that:-

a) I have nothing against women.. in fact..I love them..They are important to men. (I'm sure all the men with partners would fearfully agree...)
b) The posting is not meant to degrade or insult women in any way as I have the utmost respect for women all across the world...
c) This blog is about the ramblings of a coffee boy and what he thinks about in the shop...any offense caused is purely innocent and should not be held against me..OK?? (..promise ah~?)

OK...here goes.....

During these sad sad months that have passed... I've had the time to think about what women want.. (Eh.. I said think about....I didn't say I understand..ok..).. and most nights in the shop I constantly get people trying to ask me if I'm married or if I'm ready to get married... (what the fuck!..can't they just mind their own business!?..hahha)

So it has got me thinking...What do women truly want...(if you know...quick come tell me..)
Some people have been talking about the 5 Cs which women look for in men..

Cash...Car...Condo...Career...
Credit card.

However, I seem to believe that women today look for far more than 5Cs... They've evolved to looking for 9 Cs now.. Don't believe?...Let me elaborate...

6) Club Membership
"...so they can hang out and relax and eat at the expense of the guy..."

7) College Degree
"...so their partners are knowledgeable as compared to others..."

8) Character
"...chivalrous, humourous, honest, loyal, caring..the list will never end.."

9) Cock (haha...sounds crude..but yeah!)
"...I know its not about having it as all men do.....its about what it can do...:).."

I have even said this before to the regulars here and have shared my thoughts on this topic over some 'Yum Cha' sessions... They seem to agree totally.. Even the ladies agree that those are some of the things they look for la.... But then ladies being ladies, they will try to argue that its not that simple to categorize and generalize these assumptions that wan...(blah blah blah..)

They tend to say things like..."Not only that la..."....."where got like that??..."
But we all know that its true...(right guys?...come on..support a bit la..basket!!)
Not only are the assumptions above true in Malaysia...it is true across the world!!
Hahaha...

I honestly believed so...that ladies are so looking for those 9Cs.
But these days...I begin to doubt it already... I have all the 9Cs...
BUT AM STILL SINGLE!!!..hahhaa...what a loser..hahha...
(so maybe my perception about what women are looking for has been wrong...haha..)

So in the past few months I have tried to achieve an upper hand over the other guys out there with the 9Cs......
I have a secret 10th one which very rarely women would find a guy with... Only an 'elite' few would have this 10th C...
So we are even more rare....and an even more valuable catch!!!...

COFFEE SHOP!!! ....."what?!...you others got meh??...hahhahaah"

(...thats one for us Kopicais in the world!!!)

Hhahaha.... YAY!!!...

Gotta go...Got stomach ache!!

Where everyones problems become yours ...

"...can you help me?.."

Do I freaking look like a Help Desk Personnel to you?!!
I tell you guys...ever since I started this place I've been sorting out peoples issues on a daily basis.
Although people say its good to help people...but I can't seem to think that "why can't these people use their brains and help themselves".
Its getting pretty tiring... really.

"Drugs...Money...Women...Egos...
Money...Drugs....Stupidity...
Gambling...Brainlessness...Squabbles...
Arguments...Responsibility.."

Again.. Do I freaking look like a Help Desk Personnel to you?!?!.. Or a Priest??...
I don't think so right?!..

So... please help yourselves...cause I cannot keep helping you.
I can't even help myself!!!

....phew.. There..I got that out of my system...hahha..
Back to the happy stuff.....

Yesterday, I received an MSN message from my friend "Yamelee"...(again name changed to hide the true identity..haha) and it was funny to see that her MSN subnick was something like "Smile like you mean it.."...

I so agree with that statement. People nowadays are so fake its sickening. Gone are the days where people are genuine and truly nice. People tend to take people for granted and try to be fake to be liked. But the smarter people know that you people won't last long. You'd probably burn out soon from being such 'fakers' and your true colours will come out and then you'll lose everything.. Hahaha..

Err... wait. This excludes my 'I hate you shirt'.... Hahaha..
Because I smile...but I also tell you that 'I Hate you!!!'...so I'm still genuine ok!
Hhahaha....Probably the only genuine person left in the area...hahhaha..
(I can imagine the freaking insults that would come flying via sms, c-box and comments about this statement...)
Too bad... I believe so..hahha..

Anyway, business has been quiet these few days because the 'Hokkien Mee' fella has been 'on leave'. But the good thing is that the 'Western Food cum Italian food' guy has opened. Haha... I've tasted the stuff and its "GOOOOOOOD!!!..."
With real bacon and stuff!!...Yummy Yummy... I feel like eating the stuff now.
Imagine eating 'Spaghetti Carbonara' with a bottle of cold beer....WOOOHOOO!!!..
(only that ..I don't drink..haha)

And...I just got the pictures of the Lion Dance of the grand opening. Thanks to Mr. Yau Char Kwai....for bringing it back to me. Although late...but at least it came..
Probably my next post will be that topic...unless something interesting comes about tonight..

Well, I'm heading out to the shop now.. And for all the regulars... I'll see you guys there shortly. Time to Eat, Laugh and be 'married'...sigh..hhahha..
I miss you..princess!!...

Patience..

"..Smile...and the world smiles back at you.."

What a load of bullshit... Do you know that I have tried to service the customers with a smile and all they do in return is just look away.. I tell you. This has to be my greatest challenge in the entire venture of this business...Haha..
Every time I try to be nice, these 'special' customers behave like 'I owe them something'...Goodness me..

A few days ago, I felt like just throwing a punch at one customer for giving my staff such a hard time and then he still wanted to be 'agro' about it. Came to the counter and yelled!.. At first, I took what he said and just became very apologetic...I even said sorry many many times in 1 sentence...
I said something like this..

"Sorry sir for the mistake of my staff.. It could be that he did not understand what you meant. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience.... I'm very appreciative of you telling me your dissatisfaction... I'm so sorry again and I will rectify it for you immediately...In fact, I'll do it my self..."

Guess what he said to me...

"I don't care!.. You shouldn't apologise for him... He should be smart enough to know what to do... I think you should teach your workers properly. I tell you ah... you lucky today I'm in good mood..(woooooh....Imagine him on a bad day...) if not I will slap your worker!.."

I was very surprised at my patience and response... check it out..

"Mr... My workers fault is also my fault. Thats why I apologise. I'm really lucky that I have you as a very honest customer to tell me how he really feels. I'm also lucky that you are in a good mood..Don't la slap my worker.. Let me buy you a drink to say 'sorry' again...And I smiled"

FUYOH....I tell you...That took alot out of me.. For those who know me, I never used to be that calm and polite. Previously, the moment I felt that the person was out of line, I'd give the fella a piece of my mind and probably knock his lights out...
Summore... that guy had to cheek to tell me that 'I was lucky that he was in a good mood...'
Goodness...That really tested my patience...hahhaa..

But... I succeeded!! I was calm, cool and collected in addressing a very aggresive situation..
(Thank you LCMY..you have kept me focused on patience...haha)

So now, I've come across the perfect piece of attire to explain how I feel most of the time when I'm smiling!!..
Have a look...hahhahaha...

On a separate note, it seems someone from Carlsberg read this blog... (if you remember the 2nd post in March)... I was quite pissed at the Area Rep for looking down on my business and i decided to go with Tiger instead of Carlsberg. Well, someone noticed and sent the word upwards to the management I guess...and they called me to apologise.. (I was quite honoured and surprised that they'd know about the bashing blog post..)

Well, all I can say is that ...it nothing personal. Its just business.
Maybe they shouldn't look down on anyone from now on... Give every business and equal chance. But..what the heck.. All is forgiven..??

BIG BIG SMILE!! :)

Hahaha....geddit geddit!?

Danger Lurking for Snatch Thieves!!

Breaking News..

For the very first time in the history of this coffee shop, a customer's bag was snatched by a Malay man from the front of the shop. She was a customer just having her chill out session when the asshole struck. No one knew that her bag was snatched as she did not raise an alarm at all. The fucker did it so quickly that it was almost impossible to react in time..

I did not get a chance to extract a clearer video from the CCTV recorder as yet... but here is a video which you can see roughly how fast it was and what happened...


It all happened really quickly. I missed it all because I was sleeping in the office in preparation for the graveyard shift. I felt really bad for the lady and all I could do was round up a few boys immediately and helped her try to look around the 1km radius to see if that 'motherfucker' disposed of her belongings or not.. But..No luck..

All I could do after that was to give her a pack of Kent cigs to calm her nerves down.
Poor thing..

Attention to all customers.. (especially ladies and slender males)

Please be careful of your belongings no matter where you are drinking or having your dinner.
The management (meaning me...) will not be held liable for any misfortunes on the premises.
However, the management's securities group will be increasing our patrols of the coffee shop premises to try to make the place a safer dining destination.

However, I must inform that should the security personnel of the coffee shop catch any of these 'mother fucking sorry excuse for a piece of shit' thieves, please forgive us for the 'violence' which may befall the perpetrators.
We are well armed...

To all patrons, do feel free to join in the 'violence'. Only encouraged in this coffee shop.
No mercy for these 'Ham Kar Chans'...

Anyway... I'm quite pissed off...
I endeavour to cut off these muthafuckers hands and fingers off...and make them eat it.

AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!