Today is a super headache day..

ALL BAD!!...NOTHING GOOD...

People argue la.. People break-up la... People drunk and angry la..
People in drug-related trouble la.... People owe money la..
People heart ache la... People sick la..

All of them suddenly felt like coming to this 'harmless' coffeeshop...
Then make me depressed summore... How la...Tell me how?

At least I've got my super duper blog for me to let go some steam..

Leave me alone!!!...If not, I'll send this fella to come look for you!!

Hahaha... Actually this picture damn funny lor... Can't believe that this fella actually did it..
Thinking about it also makes me laugh already...
Tell me you idiots didn't laugh when you saw this picture...hahhaa...

Anyway, business is getting back to usual with the up and down sales.. Making me a little worried.. Sigh... What can I do to push the sales a little higher... (Apart from hiring some hot chicks to pour beer...)

But I'm still surviving... Trying to sort out my life and business..
Think my folks are worried that I can't get married... Keep on telling me things like..."Why don't you go out more...Meet your friends la... Who boiled soup for you?..."
Hahaha... Take a chill pill man.. I'm not ready..

Anyway, I told them...

"Look... Don't worry about my life... I'm no longer a high profiled Account Director... Now only a salary-less 'Kopi Chai'... So I cannot go look for a girl as yet... A girl will come.. Maybe come to the coffeeshop and start helping out...Then maybe she's the one"

They almost fainted... Then told me the same thing they told me 10 years ago..

"GONE... You are gone.. GONE CASE"...

Told them...If all fails... There is always the internet..

www.orderawifefromanywhere.com :)

RIGHT!!!????.....Hahaha...

(Parents shaking head and walking away...)

BEWARE!!! ...Stupid Pau Stealer...I'm watching you!!

I'm watching you...KNNCCB!!
One fine day... I'm going to catch you...and when I do... I want to see how many Lo Mai Kai can fit into that asshole of yours... You are smart not to steal these few days... Cause I've been watching even when I'm not at home....

I know you're a blog reader!!.. Just be careful.

The pleasures of having WI-FI and technology... I get to go home...and still watch the shop to see if anyone is doing any 'hanky-panky'...
Its only delayed by 1.4 seconds if you are streaming at home..

So...just watch out..

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU!!!

Freaking Irresponsible Cashier!!.. I Kill You!!

Its been a long while that I haven't updated this blog... YOU KNOW WHY?
Let me tell you why...

"I fired the freaking morning shift cashier!!"

So... I have to take over the morning shift and night shift for almost two freaking days. I didn't get to sleep. That pissed me off even more... Then due to that...my 'facial period' came... The freaking sinus attacked and that almost killed me... This was the first time in my life that I fired someone via sms.. Here's the sms..

"Good Morning, due to irregular performance and sluggish attitude, the management of this coffeeshop no longer requires your services. You may collect the balance of your pay for the past 7 days amounting to RM150. The management will inform you of the time and date when you should collect your severance pay. Thank you."

Hahhahaa..... Kidding... Here's the real sms..

"You are so irresponsible that it makes me sick. I'm very tired of having to tell you so many times about your laziness and always giving excuses. If you are not going to be responsible... You don't have to come to work anymore. Thank you.. I don't want to see your face here ever again... Your salary I will still pay you up till yesterday. You come collect when I'm ready..if not I worry for your safety.."

So that was that.. One motherfucker...GONE!...
But these things always have a silver lining.... If I didn't fire the slug's ass...I would not have had a chance to eat the 'Mixed Rice' which everyone has been talking about...YUMMY!!..
I waited for the fellas to finish cooking then only I took the picture...
Have a look.....


Today, there wasn't any gossip for me to bitch about... Just had a quiet night with some friends here at the shop and even found the time to sing 'Happy Birthday' to one of my boys at my DVD shop... Hahaha..
He was 'jammed' (if you know what I mean...).... blur as hell...cannot even walk straight.
The lyrics of the birthday song were almost sung like this...

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to ****
Here's some Ketamine for you...

Have a look..below at his 'jammed' face...(picture a bit dark)...

... he was so 'jammed' that he tried to clap to the song.. It was embarassing!!..hahha..

Hhaha... When we asked him to blow the candles...Cannot blow also..
Stupid idiot... Cannot even walk straight...

Hahha.... Anyway, business has started picking up again after a very quiet few days..
So the smile is back on my face... and I am grateful for my family who has been so nice to come help out so that I have a chance to sleep..

It was good to have the chance to go home and get a good bath... and a nice dump :)
Hahaha...trust me...lots of shit came out...hahha..
One day I'll take a picture and post it too...

Until the next gossip comes along...

The 'Pau Stealer' must be my blog reader!

Today... No Paus were lost!!
Stupid asshole STOPPED!

So far the sales for the Pau and Dim Sum tallies with the computer system..
My threats on this blog must have helped...hahha..

Anyway... today I was the king at eavesdropping!!..
I overheard a very interesting topic...I thought it was pretty brilliant..
It all started with a statement....

"Generally, Indians and Chinese people have the smallest dicks... But the good side to it is that they tend to have the most sex in the world"

I overheard this two fellas talking about this topic...so how can you not eavesdrop right?!?!!

Well, this guy was telling his friend that he is quite confident that as a chinese man (with a small ass penis..:) ), he'll have no issues with sex..

However his friend was rather puzzled and started laughing... I honestly couldn't control my laughter too...and imagine the 'Killer Stare' that came from the 'small penis' guy....hahaha..
Then I apologised...and joined in eventually by asking why would Chinese and Indians have the most sex....

He replied.....

"Generally, only the Europeans and Foreigners have huge ass dicks which are super limp!!.. But then the asians particularly the Chinese and the Indians have small "but super hard" dicks.. compared to the damn Caucasians and Blacks...of course.."

(to be honest...I was getting impatient to know why Chinese and Indians get the most sex...)

So eventually he said....

..."Have you ever noticed that the 2 biggest populations in the world are Chinese and Indians?"

I couldn't help it but I just started laughing!!!... But it is true...!

So that made me pretty happy that I'd be getting my fair share of action in this life....until I spoke to a special friend...and told her about this joke..
My goodness...She laughed but then told me that only applies to the people in India and China..

NOT TO MALAYSIANS...

Then in my heart..."FUCK!!...that explains my lack of 'extra-curricular' action.."

Basket.... Thanks for killing my short-lived happiness.
That spoilt the rest of my night... depression set in again..HHahhaaa...

Anyway... I've gotta work overtime tomorrow as the silly morning shift cashier has issues again.
Its getting fucked up.. Time to put on the "I'm about to fire your ass" face for him to see..

Well...customers..!! YAY... I'll blog another time.

I'm Too Depressed to Write something today..

I'm too depressed today...

I lost 14 different 'pau' and 1 Lo Mai Kai...

I'm going to kill you 'Pau Thief'....I'll get you!

I'll bitch tomorrow...

Why now only wanna 'Suck Up'??...Assholes!

When I was doing the planning and running around getting the stuff ready for the coffeeshop, I was making enquiries with the beer boys on who would help me with the frontal signage and fridges and etc... So naturally, I called Carlsberg...and you know what they told me??.. The conversation started as below:-

Coffeeboy: Hello, are you the area representative for Carlsberg in Aman Suria??

Carlsberg: Yes?..Hold on ah...
(then he started to talk to his gf on the another phone in Cantonese...while i waited about 2 mins) Yeah...Who this?

Coffeeboy: I'm starting a coffeeshop and want to ask if Carlsberg is interested sponsoring a fridge and the shop signage. I'm prepared to only sell Carlsberg beers and its other brands.. What do I need to do to get these things sorted?

Carlsberg: Oh...where ah?..Aman Suria ah?.. Here already got alot of coffeeshops oh...We all ah...Carlsberg ah...got so many with us already.. I tell you.. This area ah...cannot sell alot beer wan... I don't think you can meet our minimum requirement for us to sponsor your shop la.. 60-80 crates you know...I don't think your business can handle that la... Summore new, how can we at Carlsberg invest so much into something that we cannot confirm profit?

Coffeeboy: Why don't you come meet me first then I can tell you my plans on what I intend to do? Maybe we can make an arrangement la.. You never know right?

Carlsberg: Meet ah?...I'm very busy wan you know.. How can I never know?... I know wan.. This area ah...business is around 30 crates you very good edi lor.. If you don't reach the target ah...then got penalty la...this la..that la...Susah for me.

Coffeeboy: So means that you are not interested to discuss also la.. Really cannot help? I think can sell 50-70 crates la.. No problem..

Carlsberg: Whoa!!!... Can or not your business... Let me advise you la... You take the beer from us first...then we see how la. No one call and ask straight for sponsorship wan. I don't think you can reach so high also your sales...

(...at this point I was getting quite insulted already...)

Coffeeboy: So how?.. You don't want to meet to hear my suggestion also?. So Carlsberg not interested to work with me to start this business la?...

Carlsberg: Meet cannot la. Talk on the phone can la. Nevermind la... You try to call other people and see...They will also tell you same thing wan.. You start your business then we see how..

Coffeeboy: OK la...nevermind la.. Thank you. Bye.

So long story short.... I called Guiness Anchor and they gladly came to discuss with me on the possibilities... They were upfront about what they could do for me and what they couldn't and even explained why... I really respected that. Even the Area Sales and National Sales Director came to see me to hear about my 'small' venture. They were very helpful... Gave me everything I asked for eventually... and really believed in the business..

So when the shop opened... Booming business (grinning...).
Guess what..... Along came this Carlsberg fella... and asked one of the workers.."Boss where?"
So eventually I found the time to meet this fella... (after about 20 mins of him waiting around).

Here is the conversation (full of sarcasm...muahaha..my forte)

Carlsberg: Boss, hello..remember me?.. You call me last time ask about Carlsberg wan..

Coffeeboy: You ah?.. I remember. Whoa..you so busy got time to come to my small business meh?.. My business not good enough for you big boys la. What are you doing here? I got beer supplier already.. Cannot see the sign meh?....TIGER!!

Carlsberg: Yeah meh?..( pretentiously look at the signboard )... Oh yeah hor.. But nevermind wan....can still sell Carlsberg mah. Why don't you try taking from me? I give you a good deal..

Coffeeboy: Whoa...Good deal wor... How come last time I ask you to discuss you don't want? Now, you wanna come and discuss ah?.. No point la... I won't sell Carlsberg here. I've already got a deal with Tiger. Save your time for your other Carlsberg outlets la.. My business so small.. Only sell about 80 crates... Carlsberg won't want la...I got small business only la.

Carlsberg: Aiya boss, now business good ma... So I come see you lor.. Maybe can sell mah..

Coffeeboy: Haha... I think you better go la. Don't waste your time. If only you'd been genuine enough when I called you before... Maybe I'd be taking the beer from you. Now... I don't want anything from you. I'm actually very angry with you... Look down on my business...now business good...only come and talk.

Carlsberg: Sorry la boss. I give you 2 crates for free. Being support of new outlet opening. Then maybe we can discuss our offer ma...

Coffeeboy: Whoa....Free wo??... I don't want anything from you all.. Free or not also nevermind. If I wanna sell Carlsberg, I'll buy. Anyway, I'm also very busy now.. I cannot talk to you. My small business must help Tiger sell more beers. You better go. Bye.. Thank you ah..

(in my heart...i really felt like i gave him the middle finger!!.... HAPPY OOOO!!!

But the fella still thick skin ooo.. He came a few times at night and tried to bring the 'Free Crates'... But I always chased him out..Haha..

Kept asking him... "Why?...No Sales this month ah?..Wanna push?.. I thought you busy ma.."

Until I think he 'Terasa' a little la... So he stopped trying to give the crates.

But...WAS I WRONG!... He was thick skinned enough to come when I wasn't around!!

He really gave the 2 free crates.

I'm still pissed at the Carlsberg fella.. Attitude all wrong.

So... I left the two crates in the store.. Haha..

Like this lor...and stacked some bottles on top of them..hahha..

Anyway, things have been good today.. Nothing much to bitch about..

Only the stoopid Carlsberg salesman.. Really pissed me off!..

Oh yeah... Today...Sales didn't tally... From the records, I sold 7 'Tai Pau'....but the computer only said sold 2.... and 25 'Char Siew Pau'....but computer only said 24...

Someone is ripping me off!!!...

Time to look at the CCTV... catch this 'Pau' stealing culprit...

Kick his ass!!

My First Post..

The place where all the stories take place...Remember it...Love it..Go to it!.. If not...I'll kill you 'Two Billion' times....

This place started with a goal...a dream.. a future... Then very quickly the goals, dreams and future quickly disappeared late last year...

But it turned out well nonetheless and this coffeeshop started operations on the 20th of February 2009. But honestly speaking it was quite a rush getting the place started and getting everything started... paid many painful prices to get where it is today..

So today about a month into the opening of the shop.... I've found a new place to release all my irritation, pain, bitterness and complains... This shop has made me a very bitter person...hahha..

So from tomorrow onwards...I'll start bitching about the happenings at the shop.. About how business has been, about the different kinds of people which patronise the shop, about the hardships of being a coffeeboy or 'kopicai'...Still can't believe I left my steady paying job for this...Hahaha...

I miss an airconditioned office... and most of all..miss speaking ENGLISH!!...

I'm even beginning to talk like 'Myanmar' worker...YEEBEYWAH!!!....(ask your myanmar friends what that means...haha) Even starting to speak cantonese like a myanmar worker...
This blog should probably save my English proficiency...as I will endeavour to have ZERO grammatical errors..OK!?

And if you're wondering about where I find the time to do this?.....Its because the place is surprisingly empty today... Well its 1am though...BUT STILL!!!?.... I'm not used to the quietness..

Maybe it has something to do with the stupid 'Feng Sui' cat which someone gave me 'WITHOUT BATTERIES!!'...The stupid arm which is supposed to bring in the "CHOY!!"...or prosperity...DOESN'T MOVE!!
Thanks alot!..hahah.. Guess they forgot to put in the batteries..
Its from CMK...a silly 'balding' friend....hHhahaha...such an idiot!

Anyway...so much for firsts...

CUSTOMERS!!!....GOTTA GO!!..