Why is it?...These phenomenons..

Weirdness...

Why is it every year leading up until Easter Sunday... rain will come pouring?
Maybe its because God is reminding us that He was also very sad that Jesus was going to be 'stapled' on the cross... I think Easter Sunday also will rain!!...
But Jesus rose already wert... God shouldn't be sad anymore right?..
Anyway, well see... Cause today is like a microwave in the shop!
Why pay more for a sauna treatment when you can have lunch at Two Billion...haha..

Another phenomenon..

Why is it that every Sunday morning, a bunch of old men, will come here and order 1 pot of hot water... Sit and talk for hours even if they can see that the place is filling up..
Imagine... I open a shop and charge you RM1.00 for a pot of water... and you sit for 2-3 hours..
OMG!! I can't kick them out also...

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that every coffee shop will have their own group of 'Ah Longs' who will make the place their base?. Almost every coffee shop will definitely have a bunch of them sitting there every morning from 10am-12.30pm.. They they all leave at once. You may ask how I know they are 'Ah Longs'.....Its because I know them...hahaha..
Thank goodness that these bunch are heavy beverage drinkers... They are good customers.

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that people who drive nice cars (e.g. Mercedes and BMWs) don't like to pay for their car installments?.. It was really funny when one of the customers car was being 'repossessed' and I had to intervene and stop the guys from taking the car from him. It was embarassing for him...cause I think over 50 pairs of eyes were watching. It was like 'Entertainment for the Day'.. Wish I got a picture..sigh.. it was hilarious..

7 months of non-payment. What the fuck!! You can drive such an expensive car...but you can't afford to pay the installments. Why don't you just pass the keys to me.. and I'll give you some money for the taxi ride home la. I'll even 'tapau' some Char Siew Paus for you!

Yet another phenomenon...

Why is it that the Tom Yum Noodles stall owner can go on holiday to Bali for 4 days with his girlfriend...and I can't even get away to play badminton for like 2 hours. Why is it that they have the time to go clubbing and I can't even sleep for 5 hours undisturbed?
KNNCCB!!

...After all the ramblings and shit...I've resigned to the fact that this is my retribution for all the things I've done in my life. Now is my time to repay my debts to nature and society...
I'm sorry for being such a menace in the past.. Now... I'm a lover of peace. (Until you piss me off..)

Ah...wait... one more.
This one takes the 'fucking' trophy of phenomenons..

Why is it that people who drive big freaking luxury cars can come and tell me that my 'Kopi Ping' is 10 sen more expensive than the coffee shop further down?... Why is it that they can squabble over 10 sen for a 'tapau'. I charge RM1.60 for 'Kopi Ping' and RM 1.70 for a 'take away'... Is it really that expensive?!?

For your information.. Possible breakdown of cost per 'Kopi Ping'..
Tangible Costs -
Coffee Powder - RM 0.20
Water - RM 0.10
Ice - RM 0.10
Milk - RM 0.20
Condensed Milk - RM 0.20
Straw - RM 0.05
Subtotal - RM 0.85

Intangible costs -
Washing detergent to wash the glass - RM 0.05
Washing water - RM 0.05
Worker Pay - RM 0.10
Gas to boil water - RM0.05
Electricity - RM 0.01
Cashier Pay - RM 0.15
Subtotal - RM 0.41

Don't need profit ah????!??!!... Cost is already RM1.26 already. Profit of RM 0.34 also cannot meh?!?!?!...HAH!!!...
If tapau, plastic bag no need money ah?...the string to tie the bag no need money ah?.. Summore sometimes take another 'pink' bag to carry the drink leh?..
No need money meh?!?!?....
Come on.... give me chance la.. I'm just a lonely coffeeboy who wants to save money to get married... YOU ALL DON'T WANT ME TO GET MARRIED MEH!???...Shit..

Sigh..anyway.. I'll write again later la.
I've already let off some steam...

Yay!!.. Hot chick.!....Brb...

Sickening..

SICKENING!!...

I have nothing to say today..
Except 10 things..

1) I'm tired.

2) I'm pissed.

3) I'm disappointed.

4) I'm agitated.

5) I'm speechless.

6) I value unbroken promises.

7) I respect virtues which can't be found in youth today.

8) I wish to get away from all the bullshit.

9) I had enough of priorities.

10) I'm losing it.


Don't push me...

Lets go Disco!!

After a Long 'Hard' Day....

As many of my regular customers may already know, my morning cashier.. (the sohai's replacement) has served her last day. Her reason for leaving is that some 'dark skinned' fella near her hostel has been harassing her... I wonder why she didn't tell me about it earlier.
I would have gone over there and skinned his 'dark skin'...
Hmm... Maybe thats why..

Anyway, long story short...she's gone..

So what happens now is that I have to take over the morning shift now.. Which means I again have to be up for 17 hours because at night, I still need to be around for 'safety' and public relation reasons. (cheh...like super important like that)

As the day began, I was already feeling a little tired and sleepy..so I had to come up with a super 'mou lieu' game which I could play with myself without people knowing...

Here's how the game went....

I started the day with only 2 pieces of 20 sen. Haha...yeah..only 2.

So the whole day, I just kept collecting 20 sen coins without giving any of them out. You know when you pay for something like Milo Ice (RM 1.80)...instead of giving a single 20 sen as change, I'd give two 10 sen coins.. Hhahaha...
As the quantity continued to increase.. I was caught several times smiling and laughing to myself..
(I swear I saw a few aunties looking at me funny and probably whispering to themselves.."Eeyeer...this 'lou sai' crazy wan err...talking and smiling to himself"...hahaha..)

Sigh... so there goes my chances of asking the ladies to introduce me to their daughters.
Probably will need some 'Match-making services' soon....

But screw that.. at the end of the day... TADA!!!!!!
See how many 20 sens I collected?... Even my mom gave me a worried look when I told her about what I have been doing the whole day..
I'd call it "Project 20 sen"....

Again... my mother walked away.. shaking her head in despair.. Sigh...Sorry Mom.

So as the day came to the time where I could get off work... I just mentioned to some of the boys hanging around here and said... "Come on...Lets go disco!!"...
The fuckers got a little over excited and started calling everyone and telling them "Wei...He said go clubbing..." Haha.... So I also felt itchy a little and agreed to hit the 'Asian Heritage Row'.
I said to them.. " We shall hit Bar Savahn first, then work our way down the street..."

Those fuckers started laughing and said .. "Eh uncle...So long already no more Bar Savahn..."
Could you imagine my embarassment...Hahaha... Summore I was just telling them how happening I can be... Kekkee... So again, we made plans to go down at night...
So I told them... "Now is 5.40pm... I'll go back and sleep now...and wake up at 10pm and we'll go disco!!!"

I tell you... these bunch of naive S.O.Bs....actually believed me. Hahaha...
Yup you guessed it... I went back... and lost conciousness!!! 32 phone calls and 6 SMS's couldn't even make me wake up... Hahaha... I regained conciousness at around 12am. I returned some calls and found out that 'naive SOBs' were already at the club in 'Heritage Row'.
So I felt bad and told myself...

"OK...Change and Go.. Come back by 3am to do closing at the shop"

..... and I really got ready to hit the clubs!~~

Until I got one phone call to assist someone with minor car trouble. So called the bunch at the club and told them I'd be delayed a little... But as I got to the 'minor car trouble scene'... .......

THIS IS NOT MINOR!!!

So this was what held me up la.... Honest.. I really would have gone!
Through out the whole time... The 'naive' SOBs were calling me to hurry up...
...the next time I knew...it was already 2.40am...Haha..
Then I got this phone call from a one very angry SOB...Mr. EZan RAmen
This was how the call went...
(again...name changed to hide the true identitiy of the caller...AHAHHAHAH)



EZR: Hello..Uncle... I gave up sex for you!!...

CoffeeBoy: What the fuck??.. (imagine my facial expression about finding out my friend is Homosexual)

EZR: You know ah...(burp)... I could have been having sex right now...BUT BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!.....I came to Heritage Row. I had a chick's birthday today... Which I set aside... (Burp..) to come and club with you... And what do you do??... YOU FFK ME!!...

CoffeeBoy: Serious?... Sorry la... Maybe I FFK you...and you lost the chance to have sex.. But you can always go back and TFK!!.. Haha...

EZR: NO!!.. (burp..) I waited in Two Billion since 8pm...and at Heritage Row since 10pm for you to come... NO!!...You didn't turn up... I gave up the chance to have sex!!!!...Just for you!!
....burp.. OOoOoOO....I'm so drunk!!

(by this time I was almost rolling on the ground laughing... It was like it was his only chance to get laid and I screwed it up for him...Hahaha)

Coffeeboy: Sorry.. I was really coming already. You don't believe...you come meet me and see that I'm all dressed to club already...

EZR: NOOOOOO!!!!... I gave up SEX for you!!! I could have gone to Quattro and turn it on with the birthday girl..Who is damn hot....BUT YOU!!!...YOU FFK me...and now caused me my chance to have sex!!... I gave up SEX for you!!.. I can't believe it.......(burp!)

(at this point...He sounded a little gay...don't you think!?...hahaha...)

Coffeeboy: Sorry la.. I make it up to you by publishing an apology on the blog...

(it was as if he was scared that I'd blog about him....that his tone changed..)

EZR: Eh...don't need don't need... I'm cool.. I'm going home...and I'll see you tomorrow. You will sure publish my name all wan... NO NO NO need...

Coffeeboy: No I won't publish your name.. I'll change it.. I'm sure people won't know who gave up sex for me...Haahhahaa...

EZR: EH...police police gotta go.. (burp!)

Hahaha..... What kinda phone call was that...
Sigh...anyway... I kept my promise!!.. I didn't reveal your name!
I only called you Mr. EZan RAmen.

Hahahha....Till the next clubbing night!!...

I've gotta get back to work already la.. Sigh..
It was an eventful night for me...
I hope it was for you too somehow Ezra...

Oops...My bad!

Fast and Furious 5 and a Half...

"Who said nights were boring in Aman Suria...?"

Although business was quiet today (as always during the middle of the week)..
We still had a great time tonight. Lots of talking... Laughing... and even watched our very own 'Fast and Furious' version.. Wait and see...!!

Tonight, I went to the coffee shop only at about 2am. Because I stayed the whole morning and and the night before.. (so...I'm not lazy OK!)..
I was also delayed because I was 'busy' on the phone and rolling around my wonderfully comfortable bed... !!

Anyway, when I arrived, there were already many people there having supper and chit chatting. Some gamblers were waiting for the Champions League match between Liverpool and Chelsea...some just came to eat after getting off work. Suddenly... A friend said.. "I wanna drift..." ...so as hosts to the area, one of the guys (The defiant 'pau' stealer..if you remember him from the previous few posts...) offered the parking lot in front of the coffee shop as a stage for the drifting stunts...

So we made ourselves at home and just went in to fool around...
Have a look...

ONLY IN AMAN SURIA...!!!


...Until sparks came out..!!.. Tires were already balding la..

Other than that...nothing else interesting..
No jokes today.. cause the silly joker did not come back today..


Again.... No 'Paus' were harmed in the making of this video..:)

Another shot...this time look out for the 'Sparks' behind the tires...:)


Anyway...today... SOLD OUT!!..

Lame....but fruitful day!...

Today started off to a great start because I finally had a chance to sleep..

If you know me, you'd know that nowadays sleep is like a luxury which I can only enjoy occasionally.. But yesterday after feeling wonderful about my 'divine signs'...I smiled all the way home.. And this time when I slept... I missed 17 calls..and received around 12 SMSes. (Whoa...sounds happening eh?...Not really. Cause most of the calls were from people asking me to lend them money or give directions.. Do I freaking look like a freaking GPS device to you guys...KNNCCB!!.....:(...)

But there was one SMS from a very special person which said "Hey.. What are you doing?" . That was probably the only SMS which I felt sorry for not seeing it at that time.. Damn it..
But when I replied at 2.33pm (which was when I regained consciousness)...
No reply from that person..

So excitedly...I called moments later and that person said that she was driving...would call me back.....So I patiently waited... and ........YUP!! you guessed it..The call never came..
Its a wonder when the person which you would want to talk to the most would almost never keep the promise of calling back..sigh... Yet the people who you don't really wanna talk to...Keeps on freaking calling!..
So that basically ruined my day.... (..please imagine me feeling damn emotional and down..)

So reluctantly I headed to the shop... and business was rather on the quiet side.
(Maybe because it was kinda late already..)
So that added to my emo-ness. But as night continued on...it became quite interesting...
Here is how it went...


Firstly... We had a super 'drunk as hell' girl fall on her ass!! I honestly tried to not laugh because I was thinking of the possible lawsuit which would entail if she decided to sue my ass for falling in my premises...
(..But eventually remembered that this was Malaysia and everything is at your own risk..)

So I snickered a little.. But what got me was that her other friend, who was also pissed drunk...tried to save her friend's pride by trying to correct her skirt for her.....But ended up pulling the skirt way too high...then realised it was too high...then tried to correct it again by pulling it down....and then this time...WAY too low...

Yup you guessed it...I'm sorry..but by this time....I couldn't help it...I cracked...and burst into a 'try to keep it in' laugh....hahha.. Then after looking at the other people peeping... I felt bad and stood in front to block la.. (See..I'm not that BAD!)

But that marked the escalating events for the night....


Next... While just chatting with some friends, we decided to put a little wager on soccer as the UEFA Champions league Q-Finals were on at around 2.45am. But since I quit hard core gambling..
(I did it.. LCMY..I really quit gambling!.)

I decided to just buy score prediction!
I placed RM25 on a 2-2 score for the Manchester United and Porto game... and won 26 times my bet!!!...
Call me "Nostradamus" Leon....!!!

Then later in the night... another friend came and started sharing some kick ass jokes. The one that got to me the most was this one..

He went "You all know Superman?"
(for the people from the Ghetto...in case you don't know...Here's a picture...)

He then went... "Why the heck are his clothes always so tight??"

The rest of us were cracking our heads.... and none of us knew the answer...
Then he went..






"Because they are all 'S' sized!!"





Fucking hell...I cracked it again... I never heard that one before.. Although I should be ashamed of myself for not knowing... As I should know all the corny ass jokes in the world!!

Sigh...Anyway...it was a good night..overall..

By the way... No 'Paus' were lost in the making of this blogpost!

Divine Signs...Part 2!!

Only Read if you've read PART 1....

Mr. Alloy then asked me "What about you...Why don't you find a girl?"
I just said.. I'm looking for the right one... and can't stop thinking about this super chick that I've secretly loved since 10 years ago!!..

For those people who know me well enough... I've always been raving about this 'one woman' that I'd be ever willing to devote my life to... and by now should know who I am talking about already.. I have even sworn to love her, cherish her and even marry into her family if she'd wanted..(sorry dad...).

I know I sound like a desperado...but I will admit to any names you want to call me.. if there was a chance to make her happy and fulfill her life... HAHAHA!!!

(okok...enough of professing my undying love for her...and back to the story)

So as Mr. Alloy was still on cloud nine about the 'Divine Sign'.... I received a very late SMS from this friend. Apparently he sent the message early in the morning but I only received it super late at night....

The SMS read..".... something something see StarTwo today..LOL"...
I did not understand so I called him and asked what was it about and he just said go and look.

LOW AND BEHOLD!!!!!....It was her!!


An entire feature article about her and what she's been doing these few months...
Hahaha...and even a personal section was covered about her hopes, dreams and difficulties...
GUESS WHAT!!!.... At the end of the article was this VERY SENTENCE!!!
TALK ABOUT DIVINE SIGNS!!!..
Don't believe??... Lets re-look at the scenario...

1) Mr. Alloy was talking about a sign...and the divine sign came.
2) Mr. Alloy asked me about me looking for a girl.... I said I am waiting for the right one.
3) Then an SMS which was sent at 9.32am this morning was delivered only at night...asking me
to look at StarTwo.
4) It had to be a picture of her...and it had to quote her saying that 'music to my ears' quote..

YOU DO THE MATH!!!...

I NOW BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD FOLLOW MY DREAMS...and that nothing should stop me from at least getting a chance to know her better and telling her how i feel...

I am going to.......






.......be like Mr. Alloy and do nothing about it...because I am similar to Mr. Alloy because I think I'll be 'kayu-fied' by her... and trust me...I have absolutely no problems talking to other women..:)

Sigh... A divine sign... but still no plan to take any action.. HELP ME GOD!!...

Hahaha...OK...time to sleep. Good night..

I FOUND THE PAU THIEVES..you're right..MORE THAN ONE!

FINALLY!!...you assholes!

These two fellas... if it was not for a snitch I would never have suspected!!
I confronted them both and they admitted...FUCKERS!!!

After a confrontation with the both of them...one was ashamed (but still not remorseful) of himself...you'll see who...while the other was very defiant..(as some criminals are sometimes..)

This fucker...damn unremorseful. After years of looking out for him...he still wants to steal some 'paus' from me... Gave him a job... Bailed him out... etc..
Took don't know how many 'paus' from my shop... Sigh depressing!

This fella worse... Drives a BMW 5 series. STEALING PAU!!!
In this picture, he doesn't even dare to look at the camera.. (you know how you see in papers, when the cops raid the brothels and catch the men...they all try to cover their faces..)

Anyway... for your information... I'm demanding to collect compensation from them.
The amount payable back to the shop is as follows:-

14 Char Siew Paus =RM 19.60
2 Lo Mai Kais =RM 5.80
Sleepless nights =RM 7000
Interest =RM 12600
TOTAL TO PAY= RM 19,625.40 (since brother give discount 0.40...)

MUST PAY...If not I will start counting how many paus can fit up your asses!
KNNCCB!!
Pau stealing mystery solved and case closed. Consider yourselves warned!

On a separate lighter note....

THIS IS A VERY 'WEIRD and X-Files' LOVE STORY....

There was this very very very loyal customer (Mr. Alloy- name changed deliberately to protect the identity) who keeps on coming to my shop to share his woes about not being able to get a girlfriend. Recently he met this girl (also a customer) and apparently fell head over heels for this girl.. (Lets make her name Miss C). So he's been trying to talk to her for the longest time already...but keeps on 'freezing' up when he's around her....(eeyeerr...so sweet..like first love like that).

This Mr. Alloy keeps on bugging me to 'set him up' for a chance to speak to her but after constant sessions with her....his 'sei pan pan' (kayu-ness) tends to overwhelm him. So one day he actually followed the group out for an outing and 'heard' from one of her friends that she is not interested in him. OOOooOoOOO..... Mr. Alloy became even more emotional that the next few times he came to the shop and watched HBO...he'll start cursing the show if its a love story playing... Hahaha.. (Even my Myanmese staff couldn't stop laughing at him)...

So our depressed Mr. Alloy basically gave up hope. A few of us tried to convince him that since he didn't get the rejection from her directly... Don't give up hope so easily. Even gave him examples such as "Most hot chicks end up with fat and rounded guys". This theory is proven by the argument that handsome guys are intimidated by hot women because their egos tend to fear the rejection if it happens.

So he said eventually... "Ok... give me a sign that I should continue and not run away to Australia"... I didn't know what divine sign would convince him otherwise.. So we continued talking her and him without even saying her name once also. This was purely because the other person who was talking with us didn't know the girl's name.

Then suddenly Mr. Alloy said to the other guy.. "Eh... lend me your phone...I wanna send something over to my phone..." So Mr. Alloy turned on the bluetooth function and tried to send a file over to his phone...

GUESS WHAT CAME OUT!! (you know when you send bluetooth files...you have to accept the file transfer...)


TA DA!!!... Low and behold.. the other guys girlfriend shares the same name as Mr. Alloy's dream girl!!... Hahah.. It was hilarious! None of us knew what both girls names were...

So I looked and Mr. Alloy and said.. THERE IS YOUR DIVINE SIGN!!
HAHAHHAHAA.... Fucking funny wei!

You should have seen Mr. Alloy's face turn 'chilli' red...and the smile came on his silly face.
Who is to say there is no divine sign in the world!!

At least now you know Mr. Alloy's dream girl's name...:)

......Thats only part 1 of the 'weird and X-files' love story...

PART TWO... next post!!