New blog....New topics....Fully Emotional....Maybe Even Funny...

New Blog...Fully Emo...Maybe Funny...

Its been ages...eh?

Some people have been really supportive of me setting up a totally new blog..
But there are some who are asking if I would reconsider continuing this blog...... I really don't know. I have lots to say...but not everything can and should be read by the general public. Some are rated PG....and some are even rated XXX...hahahha


I'd rather hear from people who are still visiting this blog...
Maybe you guys can drop me a line to see if you'd like me to continue on this address or open a totally new one. So just drop a comment and I'll see it...


I'd like to see if anyone still visits this site after 2-3 months of silence...:)


I'll be checking this blogsite in a few days to see if there are any comments...:)

Thanks peeps..!

Time to say goodbye..

"This blog will cease to exist...."

Because I'm pretty damn tired.
Hahahha.... It has been fun.....
Thanks to all the goss!!

ANYWAY.... BAR OPENING TOMORROW so I probably won't have time to blog anymore..
So....


Thank you to all the loyal readers...
It was encouraging getting your comments and cheers..
Maybe next time..... I will start a new blog!!

Until then...
Good luck....and get drunk!!!

Mercy Posting for Mr. Ezan Ramen

"... Think he's suffered enough.."

Hahha... after about a month of having the 'DEAD' picture of him there, I also think its about time we let EZan RAmen off the hook by uploading a new posting.. Although there has not been anything interesting that happened at the shop... but I figured maybe just a little posting to let people know what the hell has been happening to the magnificent coffeeboy!!

Well, over the past month or so the challenges of running a restaurant are becoming more and more real to me. From the heat....to stall management....bickering between stall owners..to MIA Hokkien Mee vendors....to Health Inspectors... to shortage of sugar issues... to very sick morning cashier....to my car having to be in the workshop for almost a week!!

Heres what went down.. After cracking the problem for almost 6 months, I think the efforts have paid off a little (however not enough...). The heat level as decreased but not to my expectations. Am thinking of investing in some super duper canggih system which extracts the heat out of the shop.. (and maybe send the heat directly into the competitors shop!!...hahaha)

Have been hunting also for some new stalls to replace the ones that couldn't make it. Got in a new stall called "Weng Foong Homemade Noodles"... looks a little like 'Pan Mee' but I think it tastes better than that.. Here's a bad picture of it... Taste better than it looks!!..hahha..

Another thing that I will never understand if the phenomenon of "If one stall serves fish balls...the other stalls cannot serve fish balls as well..." I mean...WTFF!!! No ones ever heard of 'competition brings out the best'?? If your shit is good...means your shit is good la!...KNNCCB!
Sigh...but in all tradition of a Chinese coffeeshop....we refrain from having clashes la. So....the standing rule is.... "You can serve fish balls if your preparation is different".... (so go use your head on how to make your BALLS different"

Anyway, as some of you may have noticed... I've been closed every night after 11.30pm. This is due to the fact that my anchor stall at night has been MIA. I really can't believe that someone can be this irresponsible as to disappear without letting people know WTF has happened. Just left...like that...leaving all his stuff here. Sickening. Like a little child who doesn't know what is proper and improper behaviour.. KNNCCB!!
Solution : Find a new anchor stall for the midnight business! Maybe a real 'Tai Chow'...with dishes and rice and etc...

Then the health inspectors came one Saturday. They even called me to make an appointment!!... So much for spot checks eh?.. But as I always intend my shop to be an 'A' grade coffeeshop...I was ready for them..
So I said to her on the phone... "Boleh datang Check....takde hal... hari hari pun bersih!!" hahaha.....
So she came with her team...and did her rounds...and said "Wah...bersih juga ah!"
Wah so happy...!!! But then....my happiness was shortlived when she asked... "Semua orang dah dapat suntikan TY2??"... I didn't have an answer for her... (fuck!!..) TY2 is a type of vaccine that protects the food handlers from Typhoid and thus protecting the customers also. My staff has the injection...but some of the stall owners didn't... So I was given a warning letter and 7 days to make sure everyone has had the jab..
So I'm proud to say... Restoran Two Billion is now 'Typhoid Protected'!!!

Nobody drinks until like that wan la....

"....EZan RAmen......RIP"

I can just imagine what the fuck will go on in EZan RAmen's head when he reads this posting later today!!!... Let me give you a preview!!

Before Reading the Posting (just about when he is still blur like a sotong after just waking up..)

..."errr...what happened last night ah??"
..."Eh!!...how come I'm naked??"
..."Where am I??....How did I get here..."
..."Hmm...oh well...I think I'll just read the most super duper kick ass happening blog in the world for a while la..."

(cibais...if you don't know which blog that is....go and freaking staple your head to your balls and roll down the staircase of Batu Caves!!)

Now....imagine some one slapping his forehead....and regreting every moment of last night!!!
That would be Mr. EZan RAmen!!... you know why?!!!!

THIS IS WHY!!!!!!
Kekeke....want a closer look?!?!....HERE YOU GO!!
Hahahhaa......He's probably wondering how the hell did the Coffeeboy get the pictures so soon!!!?? Probably wondering....what other pictures does the magnificent Coffeeboy have?!!!
Would the Coffeeboy blackmail his ass!!!...

Well...more photos to come...as I am waiting for the accomplices to supply me with more pictures about how the picture above happened!!!....

Hahaha....you saw it first here!!!
Coffeeboy is powerful!!!....hhahhahaha...

EZan RAmen....i'm sorry...but last night...there were alot of cameras...and I'm not the only one with these pictures!!!...hhahaha...

I'm baaaccckk!!!

"Whats been happening?...you may ask.."

Well so sorry for the long blog-liday (its a new word...so just accept it assholes!!...its a mixture of blog and holiday!!...geddit geddit?) I know its been ages since anything has been posted on this super duper cool ass fuckin' blog site!! Anyway....One more time!!..

"I'm Sorry"

Anyway....we've been rather busy at the shop these days. Doing what you may ask?!...Hahaha... We've been trying to get our mini bikes to work properly...as the bikes are constantly having technical difficulties and our unskilled technicians (e.g. Phie Lote, Hokkien Lau) tried fixing the bikes and therefore....MAKING IT WORSE!!...

If you guys don't know what bikes they are....they are the mini scooters.
Have a look at the darn size compared to a real actual sizes helmet!!..
But they are really nice bikes to play with I must say.. Anyone wanna get one...retailing for RM1000....interested parties should contact the Coffeeboy!!!...
Anyway....so for now...no more MiniGP races in front of the shop anymore!!
But we have had our own entertainment for the past few days!.. Some drunkards came over to the shop and had some drinks...in fact...had quite a lot to drink!..
Look at what kind of conversations took place....soon or not so soon after...
Watch the video!!

The guy who was talking and instigating the whole 'sex filled' conversations...and the others, all drunk as hell......where just trying to find out if the old fart had ever 'ejaculated' in a girls ass!!
Well....this fella is rather old la...but a whole lot of fun la... He was just telling a bunch of young guys some of his exploits!!... THIS GUY OWES ME RM37.50 FOR THE BEER!!!

Aubrey....please forgive the guy in the video for his repetitive obsession with 'cuming in the ass'...
Apparently he wasn't scared at that time...but...once he found out that the 'Coffeeboy' had been secretly recording the video....face changed immediately..Hahaha...
I bet you he sobered up!!....Please forgive him...it was the alcohol!!...i think...(haha...Penyu is a pervert!!)

Hahaha....sight to see!
Of course the night was followed by some vomiting (a somewhat Loreal model).....some fella breaking a glass....(stupid ass scum).....and some major laughing!!...

Everybody happy....everybody drunk....and no one paid the RM37.50!!...KNNCCB!!!

Mat Rempit Aman Suria!!!

"...Snatch Thief!!...Help me!!"

The psychotic nights are back again in Aman Suria. Last night we tried to re-enact certain scenes from what we know of the 'Mat Rempits'. As we know not all of them are that bad...( yeah right...death to all!!) But this Mat Rempit...some of you may know personally.
Have a look!!



We had some racing...Some MotoGP look-a-like cornerings....and even one with sparks coming out of the bike while taking a corner!!! It was one of the funniest things I've seen so far this week.


It all started when the stupid Phie Lote brought the bike to the shop...and since at nights I've become the 'King of Mou-lieu-ness'....my contagious 'mou-lieu' sickness has spread to every one who came last night...as you will see in the next few videos...Everyone was cheering and laughing their asses off!!!

Well...we thought it'll be kinda funny to also re-enact a possible snatch thief situation!!
But we had a lack of pretty young helpless women at that time and the best candidate we could find was a guy weighing around 200lbs. (Thats pounds for all you idiots out there...)


No wonder the first time round the 'snatch thief didn't grab the bag!...He was too shocked when he saw the transvestite wannabe walking the streets!!
The funniest thing is that the 'model' victim which we chose had a fuckin' stupid ass catwalk which I also cannot tahan without laughing... Super bitchy walk!! (If some of you girls walk like that on the streets....your bag deserves to be snatched!!....I'd even get down and beat the crap outta you if you look like the 'model' victim!!)


Well...apparently tonight we are going to have a race with 2 of these bikes at a time yet to be specified. Tickets can be purchased at the restaurant for a bleeding cheap price of RM0.50.
As long as you buy a drink...you are entitled to come laugh at these idiots who will perform stunts. I heard they may even use bowls as obstacle courses as well..

It should be a sight to seee!!
IDIOTS!!!..

Damages..

"...cost about 2k to fix everything.."

I'm baaccckkkk!!!... Those mother fuckers think that what happened can keep the coffeeshop down??...FUCK YOU!.. Hahaha.... Up and running the very same day!!
Suck mine assholes!!

Anyway...enough of the venting.
Pass few days was kinda relieving for me as I had many activities after hours. Going for supper in Jalan Alor, having drinks, and maybe this weekend heading to the Karaoke to sing my heart out!
Possibly even serenade a few people...haha..

Phie Lote has been irritating me with his late night phone calls and asking the same old things...

Phie Lote : ..where are you?... (magehamster...never even say hello..)

Coffeeboy: Shop la.. why?

Phie Lote: With who?.. (as if its any of your business...)

Coffeeboy: Got la...niama.. What you want..?

Phie Lote: Kay kay...See maybe later I come.

Coffeeboy: OK OK...

EVERYNIGHT THE SAME CONVERSATION!!.... Maybe I should just record and play back every time he calls...hahhaha.. At least around 2 days ago...the fella gave me a good joke.
He made fun of a certain individual...saying that that person is 'GRAPE-ING'.
I was wondering what the fuck he meant by grape-ing. Then the stupid fella said "MengANGGUR"... (which means 'jobless' in Bahasa Malaysia) If you were to directly translate it...it would mean "Grape-ing" because 'meng..' in Bahasa Malaysia means 'in the act of'....and 'anggur' means grapes!...hahha...

So a being unemployed means 'grape-ing'...
And similar to all dictionaries where words are introduced... We will also throw in a few alternative uses for the word.

Penganggur = Grape-rs (meaning people without jobs)

So learn this new word boys and girls. Make it part of your daily lives because this word is here to stay. (Courtesy of Phie Lote's superb Bahasa Malaysia vocabulary)

Well as many of you know, I have lost my phone. (Very sad...although the phone was already in ICU state) But you guys must forgive me if you ever call me and I ask "Who is this..."
Cause I really lost all details of everyone's number. (even my mom...hahha...sorry Mom)

So if you guys wanna keep in touch...sms me your number again...
If not....you can go and f*** yourselves!..hahhaha..

I'm a bitter coffeeboy!

Sorry...No Post for these few days..

"...Because I am in the midst of killing!!"

Be patient...the posts will come back.
Just that the past few days have been a little hectic for me.
Some of you may have heard about what happened...
I appreciate all the support and concern.

I'll be ok. I'll bounce back...10 times harder!!

Sorry...but this is too good not to post!!

"Tarts my Barreh!?!.."

Hahahhaa.....I'm so sorry...
I love Korea....but this is really too much!!!

Another thing we did in Gentings...

"...Revenge is sweet innit?"

Remember the 'pau stealer'??
See what happened to him....muahhaha!
PAY BACK TIME BITCH!!!

Hilarious Song!!...ahahha...

"...Send Ah Kong...!!"

Haha....guys..have a listen at this song!
To all the Singaporeans...You mutherfuckers!!

In Cantonese.."Fingers open out but never open in..."

I needed to get away...

"...Grown Men...On a Merry Go Round!!"

One fine night, a few of us decided to go up to Genting Highlands for a short getaway and I really honestly felt that I needed a good break from the hustle and bustle of the shop. I do apologise for the lack of updates but...I have good reasons for it... (I won't tell....but those who know me would totally understand.)

Just imagine...a few buffaloes (metaphoric for 'big sized' men...ok?...idiots!) sitting in a single booth on a merry go round!!!...wouldn't that be a sight to see?!...hahha.. (wait...i'll upload the pictures as soon as I get them from my friend.. and you'll see what I mean...) I felt it was actually an OK day out there... It got me to relax my very troubled head and to forget my stresses for a short time...
It was worth it..

When we first entered into the theme park..(actually before that already I was a bit emotional)...I had a nostalgic feeling about that place. Well to use simple words to explain...I had recently had very happy moments there... it just suddenly hit me. (I almost teared...but because I'm so macho...ahem ahem...I didn't la..) So I tried to brush the sadness away and just played the first ride with the bunch... (sigh...although that ride was also the first thing which reminded me of the past...haha...sorry...abit emotional now....sniff sniff).. Imagine the 'buffaloes' trying to fit into the small seat!!...hahhaa...and I swear we were the loudest in the theme park that day!..
(Again...I'll upload the pictures another time...when??....Once I get them la...stupid!)
Then next we passed the Ferris Wheel and they wanted to go...but I didn't want to..(because I didn't want to spoil the memory of the happiest ride in a Ferris Wheel I previously had)...
So for some reason they didn't in the end...(thank goodness). But I stood there...looking at the Ferris Wheel....reminiscing the times I had before...hhaha...(Sorry...still abit emo...)

After that...I really had to brush the emo-ness away.. So we hit the 'Space Shot' ride...
Hahhaa....boy did we have fun!!.. (you'll see in the video about how freaking loud we were...)
It was the longest wait for us....but we were cam-whoring all the way with our friend's birthday present...!! Some 'Canon' camera with auto focus and shit!!...hahha...Some 'Smart' camera la...
Laughing and doing silly poses.!! (Again...picture to come later..)
Pre Space Shot....!! The fella on the right cannot count...cause they said just show Two Fingers again...

Check the video out instead first!!...


"Banyak Takut....Very Scared!!..."
Honestly, it wasn't scary going up or coming down... The scariest thing for me was the 'not knowing when the thing would drop...and being hung in the air' feeling...thats why you can hear me say.. "HAI LAT JOR!!.....and FUCK THIS SHIT!"
I honestly wasn't scared OK!!!

Anyway, shortly after that ride...the guys wanted to win something for their girl friends...so they started playing the shooting game (where people shoot stuff??...and win prizes?!...you guys dunno means...you need to get out more often ok?!)....and the 'throwing the ring on the bottles' game...(..again...where people throw rings around the bottle necks to win prizes?!..if this one you don't know...GO AND DIE!!)

They started changing tokens at RM2 per token....and it cost 3 tokens to play the game.!!!
HOW FREAKING IRONIC!!!... The one without a girlfriend in his life would be the one who actually won something first!!.....at the first try!?!.. (eh...if you don't know who this person is....faster go and die!) ME- lah!! idiots!

"STOP ASKING ME WHEN I'M GETTING A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!"

Hahhaa....so I started my standard 'Trash-Talking' to the rest of the guys...and BOY DID IT WORK!!... They ended up spending tonnes of money just trying to 'win' something for their girlfriends...(awww...so sweet...choke choke..) If you remember Mr. Alloy and Ms. C??
Hahaha....Mr. Alloy has grown some marbles!!!!... He spent around RM150 bucks!!....until he finally won something for her.... He even had the balls to give it to her...in front of all of us!!!...hahhaa... Congratulations Mr. Alloy!!...at least he made the first step!!
Mr. Alloy...and someone elses prize...(before he won his la...)

Then remember the 'multi-tasker'???... He was the last one to win something!!... And I even said to his girlfriend.. (lets call her Esther....seriously it is her real name).. I said.. "Eh...your boyfriend lousy la....never win anything for you!!!"... WHOA!!!... you should have seen him...instantly walking to the token counter to change money!!... (of course not before saying to me.. "MahChaoHai-er!!").... But...eventually he won la... I'll show you pictures once I get it ok..
Finally la...as consolation for being the last...we let him hold all the prizes la... So that he can feel like he is useful...:)

All in all....it was a good time!!...
Spent the entire day in Genting and Gohtong Jaya...

Bad Luck continued though for me.... The rest of them took the cable car up to Genting...and I didn't want to...because I didn't want to have another 'cable car' ride ever in my life!! (not because I was scared...but I had the best 'cable car' ride ever before...and didn't want to spoil that memory)... So the group went down via cable car first... and I went to have a look at the indoor games alone... and spent a few hours on my own..

When I was walking to the car (hours later...)... I realise that my car keys were in Ms. C's handbag...and she was in Gohtong Jaya already!!!... KNNCCB!!!.... What luck right?!!
I had to grab a taxi down....get my keys...and come back up...and drive back down again to meet them...hahhaa!! 'Suey Tou Hai!!'
They made me take this shot!!... Why must show 2 fingers?...Why cannot show 'ONE'?!?!..haha

But what can I say....I had a great time...!!
Away from the shop....away from the stress....and away from the freaking heat in KL!!
Good times are priceless....
...but....4 huge fellas trying to cramp into a booth on the merry go round...Even more priceless!!!
Hahaha...

Until next interesting thing happens!!...

Bad Luck still going on...

"...Astro got cut!!...KNNCCB!!"

KNNCCB!!...
First the Astro got cut....because I was using a residential account for a commercial lot...
Early morning at 8.45am....nicely the customers was watching the XHE channel....some Chinese series was on....and then...

"The Astro Channel you selected is not included in your subscription. Please contact Astro Customer Service for further details"

So I did.....and I found out it was a enforcement action on commercial outlets which utilise residential accounts for commercial use.. I then asked how much was it to subscribe to Commercial accounts and was told that it depended on the kind of channels selected.

Wah Lai Toi = RM50 per month..
Xing He = RM 45 per month..
Astro Supersports = RM200 per month..
ESPN = RM 250 per month..
Star Sports = RM 200 per month.
Star World = RM 50 per month..

WTF!!! No wonder people are using residential accounts la.
Pay only RM129 for a whole lot of channels... haha..
But I think I'll revert to using the commercial account la....(because I am a LAW ABIDING CITIZEN....shut up you guys!!)

Anyway....I'm in the midst of generating a commercial account....So in the meantime, No Astro at my shop... I will be getting 3 channels only...which is the Xing He, Wah Lai Toi and ESPN only.
Other than that....I think the Free-to-Air channels are still given together FOC.. (I hope...)

Nevermind... Not only the Astro got cut!!
The municipal council fellas came and confiscated 2 Tables and 5 chairs for illegally placing them in the parking lot!!!... Magehamster!!
Talk about bad luck continuing!!

Sigh...I'm going to call the fuckers in the MBPJ tomorrow to ask them about the 'special arrangement' we were supposed to work out...
No more of this shit is going to happen to this shop!!!

Because I am a law abiding citizen, I'm going to arrange that a DVD player be installed at my shop so that I can project some shows instead of Astro... Maybe then I can save some money.
After all....I do own a DVD shop..hhaha.. (yeah yeah..i know...not very law abiding right?...sigh..)

Well, these changes will take place in a short while.
Keep your freaking pants on!

Random 'Mou Lieu-ness'....hahha

"..I think I'm going crazy..."

Hahaha.... Something I did to piss off my housemate!...hahha..
Her stupid soft toy...!!....hahha...

Coffeeboy...is the KING of MOU LIEU-NESS!!

What a Freaking Bad Day...sigh..

"...I can't believe it...seriously..."

I can't begin to tell you how much my day sucked today...it was really quite shitty... There is no way someone could have a shittier day than me today. (Exclude the extreme cases of people in war torn countries or people with 'swine' flu la...) After hearing about my day, you'd be thankful about your day.... trust me.

As most of you know...my day normally starts at night...so I'll start bitching from the approximate time of 4pm ok??... (sigh...how bad can it be right?....just wait and see la..)
All times stated are only for indication only...and not exact ok!?

4.00pm - Had some weird tasting 100 plus from my house only to find out it was expired (...only after finishing it then only I realised..) Eventually caused my stomach to reject the drink and it literally came out my ass.. (Sorry...very dramatic)

6.00pm - Already weak from hours in the toilet... tried to take a bath. Once finished bathing...realised that the towel was outside. Even had a strategy in mind... 'Tip-toe out quickly grab the towel and come back into the toilet as fast as I can so that I would not drip all over the room floor'... (sounds like a brilliant plan...so clever right??...KNNCCB) Who would have thought water and tiles would be slippery!!!!... SLAMM!!!!! I swear I was airborne for about 1.5 seconds before slamming on the floor..Magehamster-ah!!

6.45pm - Packed the laptop into the bag so that I could bring it with me to the shop... Went to the front door, realised that I forgot my phone. Put the laptop bag on the floor by the front door, went back to the bedroom and got my phone and left the house. ... yup..you guessed it... I left the house without the laptop... (only realised it once I reached the shop..KNNCCB)

6.50pm - Went to buy cigs at the shop near the pool. Opened the new pack and transfered the cigs into the special 'Dunhill' Lights metal casing... Took 1 cig...and put it in my mouth... and pressed the button for the lift to the carpark. Again..like a hero try to multi-task...try to unzip my pouch with one hand and put the metal cig casing in with the same hand.... WOOPS...missed and it unbelievably fell straight into the hole into the elevator shaft...!!! (...where got so 'chun' wan....so accurate meh!??!)
The metal casing was new!!!....together with a new pack!!!....KNNCCB!!!

7.00pm - Reached my car after spending some time trying to 'save' the metal casing but the elevator shaft was too deep. (...so of course I failed la...) Tried to start my car.... alarm malfunction...so started blaring and I just couldn't start the car...stupid immobilizer..!! (..but in times of theft...i would be thankful for it la...) So I spent the next 10 mins trying to disarm the alarm...but miraculously after a while, the alarm started functioning again..

7.05pm - As it was dark, switched on the headlights... One side not working!!...ARRGH!!!

7.25pm - Reached the shop, couldn't find parking and rounded for 4 rounds and when I finally found a parking... I scraped the bumper on the pavement...(Shit!)

9.00pm - Decided to play a little wager on soccer...so I bet on 10 games. (play small small only...)... but just my luck, i lost all 10 of them... (Where got people so 'suay' one!?!?!!!) Freaking bookie laughing to the bank...although not much la.

By now....I've started believing that the day was really bad for me...so I eventually just started being very careful...just in case with this kinda luck...I might slip and fall onto something sharp and with my luck it might just pierce my ass!!... So the rest of the night was ok.

The next morning.....when the morning shift came... "Boss....gula habis!!!"
TNMCCB!! at 6am...where the hell to find sugar right?!!?!.... So i got into the car and went looking....

6.15am - Drive to 'TaiKong'....stopped at a faulty traffic light for about 10 secs. SLAM!!!... Motorbike hit my car from behind!!!...Magehamster ah!! Old man say he didn't see....luckily nothing wrong with the car.

6.20am - Found a shop which sells sugar... but only 1kg packs.. (eh...i open coffeeshop...where got use 1kg...we use 50kg sacks..) So kept looking...found another shop which sells 50kg sacks of sugar...but the wrong type of sugar...( we use 'Gula Tebu'...) Again, kept looking...when I finally found the place....I realised that I didn't bring my wallet!!!....WTF MAN!!!

6.45am - Eventually got my wallet...went back and got 2 sacks. Because the shop owner was very old...again I tried to be hero... carry myself!!!... (it really didn't look that heavy...) Think I pulled a muscle... cause because I was lazy to make 2 trips to carry 2 packs...I carried both at the same time..Thats a 100 kilos!!! (close to EZan RAmen's weight....!!..well maybe a bit less!..hhaha..)

7.45am - Reached home and figured that I was very unhealthy and decided to head to the gym to sweat out... Bad mistake!! I almost fainted!!...hahhaa... (came out...lit a cig.....and blacked out for about 1 min....hahha....so clever!)

9am - Went back up to my unit....and realise that I left the keys down at the gym!!...KNNCCB!!
WTF is wrong with me... (Where got people so 'suay' wan....)...

Well....its now near 12pm... I hope the bad luck cycle is gone....cause I can't stand another day like this. I think I'll just go for a massage!!...

Only thing good about today is that I found out how to load videos onto the blog from YouTube. Saves me alot of time....!! So....because I had a bad day....here's a random video...(Shut up you guys...My bad day....My choice of song!!)

EMO EMO EMO!!!


God...Please give me a break ok!?...I promise I'll be a good KopiChai from now on... No more fooling around.... No more stealing money from myself....I promise..!

Stupid Barcelona....Stupid Chelsea!!

"... I hate you.."

Thats all I have to say!!

We're at it again...

"...really have nothing better to do??.."

Haha...the 'Pau Stealer' is at it again...Since the last time he was featured on this blog...he was dancing like a lion.. Then...he was sweeping the policemen's bike...
Now...this..
What is the world coming to..(gone...the youth today are getting more and more screwed up..)

Anyway, this should be an advertisement for TsingTao Beer..
Haha...we made sure that the labels were facing the camera..
Maybe the GM of TsingTao Beer can see this and give the coffeeshop a good deal..hahah..

Today, I went to a pub in Sri Hartamas.. Told a girl about the 'Analysis causing Paralysis Syndrome' and she totally agreed. Thats why... People probably shouldn't analyse too much.
This guy by the name of "Puck Kyan" who is normally a very outgoing person was so shy sitting next to a girl which he liked...aiyoh....so shy...hahha..

I just told her straight.. "Eh...He likes you.." (You should have seen Puck Kyan's face turn red..)
Whoa...just like a little boy meeting his girl for the first time...haha.. The girl didn't say no chance... She said 'Maybe...'....and 'Don't know'.... Haha.. GO FOR IT!!...
She talks damn fast though...hahha...

But then again...if I was put in the same position...I'd be pretty shy too... (...my head slanting to one side acting very coy...) Goodness me... Shit...Stupid Phie Lote and Alloy.. your syndrome is spreading.. But I will not be a victim of the 'Dum Chun Toi' syndrome!!!...

Anyway, I was contemplating to go or not to go as I didn't want things to be awkward for some people.. (due to previous historical happenings..) Sigh..Kinda wished I didn't go...cause I could feel the tension across the room..haha. I swore to myself that I'd not cause any problems for people...hahha...and I succeeded (...I was tempted to walk over and ask to have a word with that guy's partner...haha...but I didn't la...cause I knew an argument would entail...). I saw the guy's eyes and face suspiciously looking for his partner when she walked to the toilet!...Goodness... !!

Anyway...the night went on rather blendly... until late at night when some people came over the the shop and had a slight problem. Well...for those who saw the problem...please keep it to yourselves. For those who didn't see... It would be better not to have seen it...trust me.
Lets hope that it was a lesson learnt for the unlucky fella...OK?

Well...If you guys are wondering what... IT MEANS YOU WEREN'T AT THE SHOP!!
Which means you're not a regular customer...because all the happening stuff happens at Two Billion after 3am!!...hahha...
Cheers you drunkards...

Tomorrow...I think I'll head to the 'Euro Fair' in Bukit Jalil. I feel like enjoying myself. I had a pretty bad night today. Maybe there is a Ferris Wheel there... :)
I can then feel young again..hahhaha!!!... (Shut up...!...I am young!)

EZan RAmen Challenge!!

"...Jumbo Tiger with a little stout!!"

EZan RAmen's day off yesterday!!... No Curfew!!...Yippee!!
Which better place than to spend the night having care-free drinks in an ultra safe environment without a care in the world having guy gossips and fun right?!?... (You idiots who are still thinking where.. go shoot yourselves..)

He is the pioneer for this drink... So I shall name it after him..
"EZan RAmen Jumbo Tiger Challenge!"

He and his two friends came for drinks and basically drank almost a crate of beer on their own.
The victims!!

Let me explain the mechanics of the drink challenge...
Firstly, you order some beer (from Two Billion..ahem ahem..).... then you grab some Jumbo Glasses. Well for those who haven't seen the Jumbo glasses....here's a photo of them..
They may look small.....but NOOOOO.....it can fill a litre of liquids...thats 1000ml of water...(for you dumb ass people who didn't know that a litre is 1000ml..) Look at the size of the beer bottle next to the glass!!...So start imagining..
Then you start pouring the beer into the glass....Should fill only 3/4 of the glass...
Have a look at the nice video of the pouring!!...and the victims going "OH MY GOD!!...I should have ignored your call....OH My God!!...."
Hahhaa.....!!

Hahaha....EZan RAmen says....."Its not that MUCH weiiii!!"

Then add in some Guinness Stout... Just a touch just to change the colour of the beer!!
All you have to do after this is.......just swallow the entire drink in ONE GO!!!...mUAhahaahha!!
Watch and be amazed....!!! (if you're lucky...you may hear a nice burp!!...)

I have a few things to say about the video!!...
"Did you guys say vomit on the 'Civic'??....You value your life?!..KNNCCB!!"
"What you mean tomorrow morning!!!???....Tonight already uploaded!!...hahhaha"

Only the great EZan RAmen could finish it at one go...(maybe it was because of the size of his tank...hahah...geddit geddit...) His other two friends...well basically...ok lor...they took a short break in between...but they still finished it!!

What I didn't manage to get on camera....was one of his friends puking shortly after...hahha..
But I think they really enjoyed themselves...hahhaa...
... very nice and juicy topics entailed after...hhahaha...

Oh well....they only left at 6am...hahhaa...

Anyway... sorry...tomorrow no blogging (as far as I know...) because...... its LETS GO DISCO day!!!....Yahoo...!! I'm heading out to party....!!... So unless something interesting happens tomorrow.... The next blog will be after I recover from the hangover of 'Tomato Juice' !!...hahaha... (..wtf...you think I drink?....I don't drink la...hello!!)

So guys....LETS GO DISCO!!!.....(seriously...I won't FFK this time...I'm very stressed!!)

Thats what you get for boasting!!!...

"...I won't get drunk drinking beer...give me some liquor then I'll drink with you!!"

Hahaha... I swear that was the one line which he will regret a lot for tonight at least..
I have this customer (whose name is "Lok Kau" as in 69...really...) who came and join a 'drinking' session which was already happening here at Two Billion. Already one of his friends told him on the phone... "If you cannot drink...don't come.."

His reply was.... "Cheh...how much can you all drink..!!"

Hahaha...boy was he in for a surprise... as the bunch had already been drinking since 3am....and this "Lok Kau" basically was walking into a trap. He came and parked into a parking lot in between 2 cars and the moment he got out of the car....another car blocked his 'escape'...hahha
He was cornered in and wasn't allowed to leave..

Still our little short fucker said.. "You all drinking beer only ah?....I only drink hard liquor...!"
If you got...I'll drink... Beer is not for me.. Only hard liquor.
"Standard a bit la you all....Please man!... "

WOOOOO!!!... ... Little did he know!!!!
TADA!!!!!....Only available at Two Billion.. (you should have seen his face change!....hahha...)

Well, I basically poured a whole glass neat...and some coke. At 90% liquor and 10% Coke.
I even charged him for the Coke!...hahhaa...(sure have to charge la..if not what do i earn?)

He tried to run...but of course his car was blocked by another already..
Then I had confiscated his car keys.. WOOO...KNNCCB....
"Where you gonna run to!!!??"....

Watch the video anyway.....Have a look..

Fuyoh..... Well he did get stopped by the cops later on the way home...
Made a big fuss about it too... But as the title says... "Thats what you get for boasting!!"

Words of Wisdom...

"..Lead your life by these words.."

Dr. Love is Back!!!

Hahaha.....I have brilliant advice which is suitable for everyone in the world...
Not only for Two Billion's customers...but for all the world to see!

These are brilliant!!!... Love it!

This one is for all the 'Heart-Broken' people...
Remember.....!!!

The rest are equally hilarious...Have a look!!
These words of advice should carry you through the tough times..!
Have a ball...!

Did I tell you that I hate enforcement officers??

"...Janji...Sebulan Sekali Saja..."

Sekali my ass!!.. These fellas have nothing better to do than to go round and terrorise the legal businesses around town. Seriously...they literally go around and give businesses headaches...
Sigh...In this world, nothing is without headache.. Anyway, apparently they were supposed to only give me 1 fine a month...and then they wouldn't give me so much shit on other days...

Lanjiao!!... Look at this...This month alone..!!
KNNCCB...and I'm paying taxes so that these fellas can come and give me fines!!..hahha..WTF!!

Anyway, I hate them..! Period!
They should just go and imitate the positions below... in their uniforms!!
That'll be kinky!...Mother fuckers..! (The only kind of mothers who don't deserve mother's day wishes!!!)

Well, these nights have been rather quiet for me...as you may have noticed...Not much for me to write about... (Maybe because I've been rather depressed lately...due to my injured hand!)
The swelling has gone down...but still hurts like hell....sigh..
Maybe its lacking the 'super duper quick healing massage' that the previous injuries used to have...hhaha...(hmm... you know I know can already..)

Phie Lote and Wasted Sperm came over at about 4am for supper and I managed to entice the Wasted Sperm to brush his teeth again....with introducing the keropok sambal combination!!
Hahaha....At first when I offered him....he said.."I brushed my teeth already."....then sipping his Teh O Ais (which was full of sugar..)... Stupid boy... "You'd have to brush your teeth again mah!!!"...Then only he ate...! After he tried one...automatically the hand kept taking more and more... (Brush teeth again ok?!...hahah)

Stupid Phie Lote has been feeling left out of the blog....so he suggested I take a picture of something and post it.. So here it is.. (With his stupid hand!!....again..)
Looks like Mickey Mouse eh?!..hhaha..(except for the stupid hand la..)

Nothing else was interesting already la....Today was a slow day for business.. Very bad actually..
Maybe its because all the people decided to be good children to their mothers and stayed at home. ...Oh well..hope business improves soon...If not...I'll never be able to change my car!!

Mothers Day!!

Sorry guys...no post.
Its mothers day...
Maybe later!

Happy Mothers Day to All mothers..
Maybe after dinner...:)

Aman Suria is a tad bit safer!!!

"...now go tell the others in the snatch thief club.."

If you guys remember in one of the previous posts a few weeks ago about the snatch thief who stole a girl's bag??.. Well last night there was somewhat something like that which 'almost' happened. This time it was pure desperation and stupidity in the choice of victim and location of the crime..hahha..

Apparently the 'modus operandi' of this crew of cons is to grab phones which customers leave on the tables and sell the phones somewhere else.. and sometimes they will wait until you take out your wallet to pay for something, they'll grab and run.... Well last night the 'snatch and con' crew was either unlucky or they really had it coming for them.. They came....sat at a table with a bunch of customers and tried to pull something off... until a guy which were one of their previous victims recognised them....all hell broke loose!!!

Watch the snippet of what I got from the CCTV....this guy came in from the streets and started bashing the 2 guys...haha... Have a look..

Whats stupid about it is....even after getting hit a couple of times...these fellas still managed to grab two phones which were on the table and tried to get away... OOOOOOO.....wrong choice man.. They tried to run...but as I said before....AMAN SURIA is OURS!!!...
We gave chase this time round....and happily for us....sadly for them....we got them!!!

I can imagine what was going through the thieves minds....maybe it was something along the lines of.....

" Whoa...bodohnya saya...kali ini mati......WHOA...banyaknya orang... kali ini mati... sorry la...aku tak berani lagi...WHOA....siapa nak tolong aku ni......kali ini mati...aduh aduh...sakit sakit... jangan pukul kotek aku....jangan....aduh....sakitnya....bagi 'chan' sikit bang....aduh...oww oww...kali ini mati...bodohnye aku....WHOA....kalau aku main main pengsan mungkin dia orang akan stop bantai aku...aiyoh..aiyoh...pengsan pun takde stop ni....aduh aduh...kali ini mati.... aiyoooo....bagi saya mati la....sakit..sakit..."

I couldn't believe that I had so much energy in me...it was like I was still in school running the 100m dash.... The 2 of them ran quite quickly...but our bunch....like rabid dogs....ran FASTER!...muahahaha.. Weapons all drawn....we 'kindly' introduced brands like 'Nike', 'Adidas', Birkenstocks, Gucci, Fung Keong 'safety boots (yes...the ones with the metal plating protection at the toes).... and Guinness to their faces and body parts... it was exhilarating!!!

All unto a point when the 'weapons' came out!!...there was no blood.. But how can we stop if there was no blood right??....So the 'bashing' continued for about 10 minutes... I shouldn' have lent the rattan stick to the drunk indian... He was ''oh very excited and accidentally struck my hand with the stick as I was grabbing the thief's neck...WHAM!!!...right into my hand!! (this time...left hand injured..sigh).... at that time...all the euphoria of 'public rage' turned into anger towards the drunk Indian man... our guys almost went for him until I stopped them..hahha...(lucky bastard..)

Oh well.... it was so fun especially when your mom and dad is watching!!..haha..
(Even my parents said they deserved what they got...but they still shaked their heads when it was over....but this time...they shake and smiled...and gave a little chuckle..) How often does that happen?!!...hahhaha...

Words of Advice : Don't try to be a hero when you see your 'accomplice' getting his shit beat out of him...

This guy came out of nowhere...and tried to help the two thieves....and said something like "Dia orang tak curi....telefon itu saya punya...' WHOA....bad choice la sohai... I turned and asked him.. "You sama dia orang ga??".... his reply was... "Ya... saya kaw... (elbow slammed into his face..)"
The world then came crushing on the 3rd accomplice!!!
Birkenstocks la.. Nike la...Adidas la....(quick think of more brands of shoes...!!) all also got la.
One 'accomplice' down on the floor....

Oh so suddenly...the night became so 'flashing blue' when a white car with blue lights arrived.. But after hearing the story...gave the crowd another 5 mins to do their worse... I swear the some old men and family men also had their moment of venting their anger on them...Haha..
Our weapons 'miraculously' disappeared also when the cops showed up...(we're seasoned enough to know what to do...hahah)

Anyway...we walked away and I was rubbing my hand already by now..
Sigh...Sakitnye... My mother was ready with the "Tit Tar Chau" (Chinese Traditional Medicine) already... When I asked her..."Eh...how come got this here?.."

Her reply was... "Cause I knew something like this would happen in a coffee shop business.."
I had nothing to say...hahhaha...

Oh well...like I said before... "AMAN SURIA is OURS"....
Notice the word 'AMAN'.....hahhaha....meaning peaceful??...
Maybe we should name it " Coffeeboy Suria"....hahhaha...

Anyway...for entertainment purposes I'll share a picture of my hand...don't laugh KNNCCB...its really painful....
(....I wish an angel would help massage my hand...hahaha...OOOoOoooOO!!) Wish only cannot ah? Pain lorr...

Hey...if you have previously been a victim to these kinda incidents... We have tried to give some revenge to these kinda people... and will constantly promise an 'ass whooping' for those who dare do this again... Rest easy as we are watching!!...

Word of Advice to the Snatch Thieves: Jangan cuba lagi...bodoh! (notice the language used..maybe you'd understand what kind of people we are talking to..oops...)

So much for an eventful night...

Nothing else happened after.... I spent some time with my good friend Phie Lote shooting some zombies!!...hahah....we found some new maps..!!

Till the next post!!

I hate enforcement officers...

"... Jadi....Macam mana mau cerita?.."

Its the standard line used when the darn enforcement people come... They are always seeking ways to make your life a living hell... I think I was born to be a rebel... And I've always been at loggerheads with the people in uniforms...
(...but I'm cool with chicks in nurses uniforms, japanese school uniforms...hahha)
Maybe because I have issues with people in 'power'....hahhaa..

They came one night while I was manning the counter and called me out to the front of the shop.. They started telling me that they are the new bunch of people in charge of the area and that the old bunch have been transferred. So...in my mind... I was thinking "3 cans of 100 plus and three red notes" for them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone...

Then I asked, so who is in charge now? They told me that they'd bring their boss around soon.
So obviously I said OK la. But I told them.... " Engkau bawak boss dulu, kita pergi tempat lain...kita duduk...kita cerita 'system' baru..."
I think I pissed them off...cause I didn't want to deal with them at all... then they started saying these things.....

PJ: Kalau kita datang... kena saman la...

Coffeeboy: Kalau kena sama.....kena bayar la... (snigger snigger...)

PJ: Takkan 'you' mahu kena saman??...Tak leceh ke?

Coffeeboy: Kalau 'leceh' pun terpaksa la kan??... Abang semua ni kena jalan tugas juga....

PJ: (looking confused by now...) Eh... kita cerita la...macam mana nak settle ni..

Coffeeboy: (looking even more confused)... Eh?...Aku ingat abang nak jalankan tugas??.. Jadi macam mana nak cerita??...(Hahaa....suddenly I was the one in the driving seat!!)

PJ: Tak-pe la bang... Suka hati la. (starts rubbing his humongous tummy and laughing..)

Coffeeboy:.. Haus??... Aku 'tapau' 100 plus hari ini....bila you bawak boss....kita cerita..OK?

PJ: Boleh la...Thank you ah... (Taking the 3 drinks..)

Coffeeboy: OK...jumpa lagi ah.... (..I was thinking...KNNCCB...bastards..)..BIG BIG SMILE!!
Sigh....I felt that these are the 'licensed robbers'...which I cannot use my weapons on...
Oh well... so much for law enforcement... Irritating!!

At least something good happened today. If you have been coming to the shop these days, you'd already notice a stall called 'Lok Lok Brothers' sitting in the side area. Well....they've finally gotten their asses up and running. Had a trial run yesterday...
It was nice...haha~!!!
There is supposed to be around 18-25 varieties of food...but because it was a trial run... many were not ready.. but tonight should have a better spread!! Notice the stupid 'peace' sign?... Thats the idiot Phie Lote..(look for the guilty face in the next picture..) He ate and did not pay!!...
Apparently, Mr. EZan RAmen is coming later to try to eat 100 sticks of the stuff. If he can do it... HE DOESN'T NEED TO PAY!!!... Haha...Will keep you guys posted on that challenge.
After all, he's a free man from today onwards!!
(EZan RAmen is a celebrity when it comes to my shop...all the stalls love him!... Unlike some people who blog negatively about him.... He's an angel..and a good catch... Your loss!!...KNNCCB!!)

If possible, I'll do a live coverage on his eating challenge!!.. Fuck HERBALIFE!!..haha

Flirting...a very very grey area...

"... They are not what they seem...."

As I was driving back to the shop last night after a friend's wedding dinner, I stopped to pump petrol and as usual, paid and started filling up. Suddenly, this car pulled up next to me and parked at the next pump.... phewwitt!!! (hot chick in the house...or in the petrol station!!...whichever sounds cooler..) I quickly decided to be cool and act like I did not notice her... (that failed badly...hahaha)

She was really quite brave to come and pump petrol in the middle of the night....alone..(hot and alone..yay!!) But I noticed that she was fumbling around her car like she was trying to find something.. So I looked at her at the corner of my eye and minded my own business (just in case she freaks out and starts yelling for help...you know these days with robberies and all..)
Eventually, I had to make eye contact...(rule no.1 of flirting..don't make eye contact immediately)..and smiled. (rule no. 2 of flirting...smile..cause you'd look like shit if you don't).

She smiled back and she looked even more stunning than before...haha. I thought to myself "Yes-lah....finally get to meet a hot chick!!".... So in my mind I was prepping myself on what to say and how to project myself as being helpful...and nice.
So luckily I was well dressed (apart from my normal coffee shop attire)... enough to project the image that I was not a pervert named Phie Lote..hhaha...
Eventually, she came over and the entire imagery of her being a slender hot chick shattered when she opened her mouth....

"Ehh....can you prease help me?.. I duunno how to oo-pen the put petrol thing. I look look look ...I kennot find la. Haha.. I'm so tellible (which i guessed was the word terrible).. Can prease help me ah?"

Whoa....if you guys know me...I really cannot stomach hot chicks who cannot speak English proper...hahha...automatically, the charm switch kinda tripped..hhahaha..
Obviously, I helped her out la... and guess what she said after....???

"Fank you so mush".....HHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Oh well...so much for meeting a hot chick.... If she'd ask for a name and number, I'd give my name as Tan. Phone number 012-2962218. (Rule no 3 of flirting.. If you wanna escape the person...give Phie Lote's number...hahha..)

Hahaha...

I didn't la!!!...Stop complaining la Phie Lote...(I know you wish I did right??..hhahha)

Fun with Titles...

"...DVDs with extremely interesting titles..."

After a good nights rest...I came to the DVD shop at about 4pm today...and spent a couple of hours there trying to help out because the 'Pau Stealer' is on long leave...
As a few of us were talking about tendencies to turn gay..(eh..please ah..its not me who enjoyed the topic..it was this friend named 'Seven'..)

Again, please do not misunderstand... I have the utmost respect acceptance of the 'happy' people.. I think they are genuine and cool... (and I'm not being defensive...OK!..)

We then concluded to do a 'visual test' to see who was the most intrigued by the 'happy' films..
In the end...I was only intrigued by the titles...and not the visuals. (I swear....)
Here are a few titles which caught my eye...
I believe the people who came up with the titles were laughing as hard as I was.... Have a look...
This title was a spin-off from the movie..The General's Daughter. (haha...)
This one...from the Japanese horror film...'The Ring' (...something you insert into as well...hahah..KNNCCB!)
Joining the army will never be the same again...SIR!..
You guys seen the movie 'Hot Shots'??...by Charlie Sheen??...haha..
Hahaha...this one is pretty obvious!!...'Inn-Keeper'...hhahaa...
This doesn't look like Clint Eastwood?..Although the name 'Wood' is quite handy here..(geddit...geddit...Wood??)
This one...nothing needs to be said..good pun!!
Haha... a must have... Something about law en'force'ment....

Actually, there were more...but I didn't want to look too awkward taking pictures of 'happy' films... I stopped once the customers started looking at me funny... (I swear I could imagine what went through the aunty's mind when she saw me snapping pictures of the covers.....I'm sure you guys can imagine too...Shut Up...don't laugh...KNNCCB!)

The list goes on... Tarzan and Blane.... Sausage Party 3.... Fairy God Father... Monsters Balls... Hahaha... (I know some of you are getting excited already... Phie Lote!!! Stop scratching your ...)

EZan RAmen....lets go to TESCO!!... We can relive our fantasies...!!!

Indian Disco?!?!

"...Told you this place is the land of fun!!"

For the first time in Two Billion history, we had an Indian Dancer..haha..
Apparently these fellas came and started drinking since 10pm...and they stayed and drank until 6am....Sounds like an entire day's work..!! 8 hours!!...Thats their job.
They even brought their own sound system.. One car after another.
RnB, Indian Dance and even Ballads for the night...hahaha..

Have a look... I got one of them to dance in front of the camera...kekeke...
Have you heard about the 'Melbourne Shuffle'.....here introducing the 'Kayu Ara' shuffle!!!



As I came over to the shop rather late...(due to 'losing consciousness' after working long long hours)...I missed a lot of the Indian disco music..haha.. But I did get some of it...
Listen to the background music...you'll hear it...

Anyway...as some of you may know...the 'Ikan Bakar' stall has been discontinued for a while, due to the rising cost of fish. Plus, the plan is to change the 'Ikan Bakar' stall to either a 'Fried Oyster and Cockle' stall or maybe even 'Carrot Cake' stall. I also got the 'Ikan Bakar' fella to cut his own sign down and turn it upside down...
The Chinese characters apparently means "Ikan Bakar"...and he turned it upside down...to mark that the fish has died...hahhaa... (as most people would know that once a fish dies...it turns over...stupid!)

Oh well, he's thinking of opening a new stall...but not sure what yet..
I will keep you posted!!... But I suspect that he is getting lazy because NOW, he just got a girlfriend...so..a bit busy la...hahha. (see...Ikan Bakar got girlfriend...Tom Yum Noodles can go Bali with girlfriend...while the boss of this place...got his blog only...KNNCCB!)

Nevermind!!.... I can do it one. Just you wait...I'll put my wedding pictures up soon...!! Hahaha....Don't want girlfriend....Straight away get married...pop 8-9 kids out... Then once the kids grow up....get jobs....and start paying me RM1000 per month each...then I'll have income of about 8-9k every month.. Right?..
Thats forward planning for you!!...

Anyway..I better get back to work..
Until the next post!